We’ve all heard the horror stories from friends and loved ones:
Their partners who chased them and followed their every move, their partners who ruined the relationship with constant accusations and jealous obsessions.
That’s why having a partner who isn’t like that is so comforting.
But unfortunately there is a problem:
If you’re in a relationship that’s just starting out, or one that’s still in the honeymoon phase, cracks may now be starting to show.
It’s important to keep an eye on fault lines that could start to appear so you can address them before they destroy the relationship. I’m speaking from experience here.
That’s why I’ve compiled this list of the top indicators that your partner has a greater jealousy and insecure tendencies than you initially thought.
Let’s get this hot potato thing out…
1) They are reluctant to support your decisions
Let’s be clear:
No one is obligated to agree with your life decisions even if they are your partner and love you.
But when you notice a pattern of indifference or low-key hostility from your partner, it’s a sign that he or she is not a confident or outspoken person.
After all, if they don’t like what you decide, they should at least have the courage to be honest with you, and if they like your choices, they should show that emotional support.
2) They are very possessive and keep an eye on you
This sign often does not appear until the honeymoon period is over, but if and when it does appear it is a very toxic trait.
Your partner may slowly start asking more and more questions that seem more like an interrogation.
Then they start checking why you were somewhere for so long, or why your work was late.
Then the questions become more pointed, and they make little sarcastic expressions that indicate that they don’t really believe what you’re saying or don’t appreciate the time you’re spending away from them.
3) They want access to your passwords and social media
The next step in the jealousy cycle is often your desire to share your social media, phone, etc. passwords.
This goes hand in hand with basically being told what’s ok to post or not, or at least getting pissed off if you’re flirting online in even the smallest ways.
This behavior often creeps in slowly, as you said, which is part of the reason why many of us never see it coming.
“Controlling what I can post or trying to start fights over it? That doesn’t sound like my girlfriend!”
Oh really? Wait two months…
4) They want to control your friendships and social life
When a jealous and insecure partner starts intruding into your online life, it’s only a matter of time before they start intruding into your offline life.
This means they will start wanting to have a say in your friendships and social life.
They want to have the final vote on who you spend your time with and why, as well as how you divide your time.
“Why do you spend so much time with X?” This shouldn’t be something you hear from a partner with healthy self-esteem and boundaries.
If they are insecure about this, they can phrase it in a less accusatory way.
5) They criticize your friends and family frequently
Part of the inappropriate intrusion into your offline life comes with criticism from your friends and family.
When making decisions and thinking about who to be friends with and what they think of your family members, an insecure partner hopes to control your world.
They take a paintbrush and draw a new horizon line that they don’t want you to cross.
“This is your new world, designed by you, and your friend X or your uncle Y cannot fit in it.”
Don’t make a mistake about this:
This kind of behavior is toxic to the marrow…
6) They expect to be invited to any social event
When your partner likes your friends, they expect you to be an extra person.
The idea that you have a separate life from them seems to bother them on a deep, instinctive level.
They won’t accept it, or they pretend to be okay with it and then frown.
If you hesitate to invite them or point out a social outing of some kind, they act like you’re lying to them or excluding them.
It’s a sure sign that your partner has serious abandonment and insecurity issues.
7) They expect a quick response to texts and calls even if you are busy
If you’re out alone, does your partner get upset when you don’t text or call them right away?
Even grocery shopping or an oil change:
They expect you to be available and demand to know why you don’t at least tell them you’re busy.
Maybe because you were too busy to say you were too busy? that happens!
In addition, you should not make excuses for being busy. It’s exhausting.
8) They view any need for space on your part as rejection and insult
The need for space is not an insult in any way. Almost all of us need space sometimes, even the most extroverted people.
But the narcissistic and insecure partner often takes it the wrong way.
If all your attention is not directed towards them as much as possible, they will feel insulted.
They believe that the need for space is against them even when it is not.
9) They deny possession and say it is just love
If and when you bring up any of these concerns with your partner, how will they react?
A reasonable partner will listen to what you say and promise to do his best to relax a little.
But an insecure and jealous partner will deny:
They will say that all their possessive and controlling behavior is love. They are not trying to control you at all, they love you very much.
This is one of the worst illusions an insecure person can engage in, so it’s important that you don’t believe it.
10) They take criticism personally and get angry at the smallest insult
No one will be perfect in any relationship, neither you nor anyone else with you.
If you criticize an aspect of your partner, you don’t need to fear his reaction.
But insecure people don’t take criticism well:
In fact, they tend to get very upset and take it completely personally.
11) They try to build a world where you can only trust them
A jealous and insecure partner will often try to manipulate you and make you paranoid and distrustful of everyone but themselves.
They want to create a world where they are your only “safe haven.”
They will do this in many different ways, casting doubt on the opinions and motives of others in your life.
By drawing your attention and repeating doubts enough, they hope that you will eventually rely on them completely and take them as a source of truth.
12) They expect you to “prove” how much you love them
Tests are something most of us dread in school, and they’re not much better in relationships either.
In fact, they are kind of humiliating and condescending.
Why do you have to “prove” that you love someone?
If they are not given the opportunity to freely prove it, how can they know if it is authentic?
13) They frequently seek validation of your feelings for them
Insecure and controlling partners tend to be extremely needy emotionally.
They seek validation of your feelings for them almost all the time.
Whether it’s waiting for you to laugh at a joke they’re telling or signs I mentioned earlier like anticipating a quick response to any text, it all comes from the same root:
Insecurity and the need for constant validation.
14) They don’t want you to evolve if it takes you out of their orbit
The worst thing about a controlling and insecure partner is that they often get in the way of your growth.
They don’t want you to develop if it draws you away from them or the relationship in any way, even if it just means spending more of your time on something else and continuing to be with them.
This makes any support they provide transactional, because it’s based on supporting the one thing they think will give them more of your time.
You see, many of the traits of a jealous and insecure partner are narcissistic, manipulative, and downright toxic.
If you see some of them popping up in your relationship, be aware and confront them head on.
No matter how you feel about someone, suppressing or denying issues that come up is a recipe for disaster.
