It takes a while to discover that they are with a narcissist. Even then, they doubt themselves because the signs are so subtle.
Have you been wondering if you are actually with a drug or are you paranoid?
In this article, I give you 10 signs that you are with a narcissist and what you should do if you want to get out.
1) They make you doubt yourself at every turn
Gaslighting is a staple in a narcissist’s playbook, and it’s something they start doing as soon as they can.
They will criticize your little mistakes and criticize even small things like the way you dress yourself or your choice of friends.
All of these little things come together to undermine your confidence in your ability to judge things for yourself.
This, of course, means that they will get their way in the relationship simply because you’ll be too busy doubting yourself to take a stand.
2) You have absolutely no privacy
Perhaps it should come as no surprise that narcissists also tend to be control freaks.
They may have asked you to share your social media passwords with them, or to allow them access to your phone upon request.
You’ve probably always seen it as “normal” because…well, couples are supposed to share everything, no secrets, right?
Well not quite. The thing is, just because you’re together doesn’t mean your partner has the right to intrude on your privacy. Relationships are built on trust, not on hovering over each other’s every step.
3) You feel obligated to keep up appearances
You shudder at the thought of doing anything that would make other people think your relationship isn’t perfect.
You may have fallen out with them before in front of their friends and they ended up cheating on you for weeks. Or maybe they yelled at you and slapped you when you were alone again.
The narcissist is holding you to a lofty pedestal of “idealism,” so don’t you dare take a step too far or they will likely explode.
The point is, you’re afraid of one way or another, so you do your best to keep up appearances…or else.
4) They drag others into your struggles
But while you feel pressured to keep things between you looking as authentic as possible, the same can’t be said about your partner.
They have no problem dragging others to support them when you confront them.
Maybe they felt like they were about to lose and wanted to scare you, or maybe they just wanted to shut you up.
Whatever their motives, it’s hard to deny that it makes you feel small and humiliated…and that’s exactly how narcissists can take back control.
5) They shy away from confrontation and lie effortlessly
When you try to confront them about something, they will always try to find a way to turn it on you.
For example, if they had suspicions that they were cheating on you, they would shut you down with something like, “Do you think I’m cheating on you? The problem is that you’re very insecure and have low self-esteem.”
They also lie effortlessly. Ask them when they will return the money you lent and they will find a distant relative in need who doesn’t even exist. And you still feel like a terrible person for asking for your own money back.
A healthy relationship will not let your sense of reality fade because trust and truth are at the heart of things.
6) Always blame someone else
All of their faults and mistakes are someone else’s fault to begin with.
A narcissist will do anything to look good and can make really exceptional fake apologies.
“I’m sorry I threw away your dear childhood toy. When I was a child, my mom used to dump me whenever she was in a bad mood or if I did a simple wrong thing…”
Then you end up being manipulated by guilt and drawn into taking care of them.
Or maybe they insulted your best friend but then when you ask them to apologize they will say something like “Well, I did something wrong but your best friend was talking behind your back (not true), they are impolite and rude!”
This “Look What They Made Me Do!” Excuses may not be exclusive to narcissists, but it’s a pretty big sign that you’re dealing with one nonetheless.
7) You feel incredibly isolated
It seems you have nowhere to turn and no one to trust. You are not sure if you can communicate with your friends or even with your family.
They will make you doubt or hate your friends, for example. Or, they may turn your friends over to their side and go after the rest.
To keep you trapped in the relationship, they make sure that you have nowhere and no one else to turn to.
8) You always feel like everything is your fault
Every time something goes wrong, one of the first things that pops into your mind is a kind of “what did I do wrong?” or “You made a mistake again!”
Now, self-reflection is healthy, but feeling like you’re near a walking time bomb isn’t normal.
When they start verbally abusing you for asking what time they will be home, you don’t take it against them. It got to the point where you would even justify to yourself and your friends that it was your fault because they got angry because you weren’t sensitive to their work pressure.
Even when they hurt you physically, you explain it with, “He caused it.”
This is not your fault, because no one is ever prepared for narcissistic abuse.
You don’t even need to be in a relationship or friendship with a narcissist at this moment either – people who grew up with narcissistic parents feel that way too.
9) He won’t give you space
It’s like you can never be alone when you’re with a narcissist. You don’t even have room to breathe.
If you ask for some time to collect your thoughts, they will not honor your request and will not walk away.
your diary? They read it without your consent and then attack you with your own ideas. When you confront them, it’s your fault for not hiding it well enough. Heck, he probably did it as a trap for them, too!
If you ever try to break up with them, they will manipulate the people and circumstances in your life until you get back to them again.
A narcissist wants nothing more than to control the people around him, and giving people any breathing space is certainly one way to do that.
10) Your relationships feel like competition
A sign that you are dealing with a narcissist or his abusive behavior is that you are feeling tremendous pressure on your relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic.
When they do something nice, you worry that you will pay a heavy price later. You feel pressure to prove your worth, from your looks to your career.
This is because narcissists love to put their victims down while keeping them around as long as it makes them look and feel good.
