If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, or someone you know.
If so, I’d like to start by saying: Just because the situation looks bleak now, doesn’t mean things won’t get better.
The first step to overcoming narcissistic control and abuse is to recognize the signs. The easiest way to do this is to look at the language used.
Once you know the narcissist’s tricks, you will regain more power. From there, you can build the strength to take back control of your life.
Related : 7 signs you’re actually the one creating drama in your family
Here are 10 phrases that narcissists use to control their relationship partner:
1) “You’re overreacting.”
This is a common line used by narcissists. Usually, they will do something to hurt you, and when you try to call them out, they will accuse you of overreacting.
Forget the fact that if you did the same thing to them, their reaction would be ten times worse.
This is a form of gaslighting.
It is used to make you doubt your reality and question your emotions. You may find yourself thinking: “Maybe I’m overreacting.” This is exactly what a narcissist wants!
This allows them to get away with their bad behavior.
2) “You’re too sensitive.”
Similar to the point above, when you are upset and this statement shocks you, this is the narcissist’s way of trying to control your emotions.
By making you feel bad for your normal feelings, they aim to diminish your feelings.
But the ultimate goal is for them to escape from their mistakes.
My ex-boyfriend was a complete narcissist. He used this line often.
It took me a long time to accept my feelings and not internalize the feeling that I was overreacting or being too sensitive.
After all, we are human beings. We are supposed to feel sad when someone hurts us.
3) “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.”
When I first heard this I almost laughed. But it wasn’t a funny situation.
You see, when a narcissist says this to you, it’s because they want to lower your self-esteem. They want you to feel like you’re not good enough for anyone else and that they’re doing you a huge favor by being with you.
What this does beneath the surface is that it causes a power imbalance.
This is another form of control because you may think twice before leaving, especially if you have learned that you will never find someone better.
4) “If you loved me, you would do this.”
Ah, a little emotional manipulation.
In a healthy relationship, we don’t force people to do things in an attempt to prove their love. We know they love us, and we accept their personal decisions and choices.
But the narcissist can’t handle that.
If things are not going their way, they will stoop to the point of guilt and push you to do what they want.
I know how much inner conflict this can cause, but always remember that you should never prove your love to someone in this way.
5) “No one will tolerate you.”
Just like point 3 above, narcissists like to make you feel like you are a burden and that they are the only ones who will put up with you.
This is simply not true.
But how are they going to keep you putting up with so much bullshit? They have to make you feel worthless to keep you from leaving them.
It is a heartbreaking and cruel tactic.
But narcissists don’t care about that. They don’t think about how these statements will destroy your self-esteem and confidence; They only think about themselves.
6) “You don’t remember it correctly.”
Remember when I mentioned “gaslighting” earlier?
Well, here’s another prime example of that.
Your narcissistic partner has made a mistake. You are upset. But when you recount the details and try to explain why you’re upset, they tell you that you’re remembering it incorrectly.
Related : If someone displays these 15 behaviours, they’re not a positive influence on your life
Basically, they are trying to rewrite your memory of the situation. They want you to doubt what you’re thinking.
It’s just another way to manipulate and control the situation to suit their narrative.
7) “I never said that/did that.”
You can have a recording and they still deny it.
This is the rudeness of narcissists. They can keep lying until they are blue in the face before they take responsibility for their actions.
In other words, they use blind and absolute denial to achieve their goals.
In their opinion, the longer they continue to deny and distort the facts, the sooner they will give up and surrender.
8) “You are jealous/insecure.”
Now, just as narcissists use denial to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, they will use blame as well.
By accusing you of being jealous or insecure, they are making light of your reaction rather than addressing everything they did to make you feel that way.
An example comes to my mind:
When my ex started messaging another girl, I confronted him about it.
But instead of recognizing how I was feeling (and how he would feel if the situation were reversed), he made fun of me and made fun of me for being jealous.
He was trying to make me the problem in this situation. Not only did he use blame, he also tried to make me feel bad when I didn’t do anything wrong in the first place.
9) “You always/never…”
Using absolutes like “always” and “never” is designed to make you feel like you will never get anything right.
My ex-husband used to say, “You’re always looking at other men.” This was completely untrue, but it was as if he had made up his mind and nothing I said would change him.
You may also find that the narcissistic partner will use absolutes when criticizing you.
“You never make an effort.”
“You always get upset easily.”
By making you feel like you are always wrong, they maintain a sense of control and power over you.
10) “Without me you are nothing.”
However, you may thrive without this narcissist in your life!
But again, just like saying “No one will put up with you” or “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you,” this is another attempt to make you feel worthless.
And to reinforce the fact that you depend on them and depend on them.
think about it:
If you constantly tell someone that they will never find love again or that no one will ever find them attractive, they will eventually start to believe it.
The more they believe this, the easier it is to control them.
So, if you recognize some of these phrases, you may be dating a narcissist. If so, my advice is to get out while you can!
Narcissists will not change. They will either push you into the ground or get rid of you when they move on to someone else.
So, take back control of your life.
Never believe these statements.
And know that you are capable of finding true, true love one day (that you deserve, despite what the narcissist may tell you!).
