Narcissists seem to share their own secret and deceptive language when it comes to evading blame and abusing others.
They say one thing and mean something else entirely.
Being on the receiving end of these verbal attacks may mean that you are dealing with a true narcissist.
Their cunning way with words and all the hidden meanings hidden beneath their seemingly innocent speech can leave you feeling distraught, frustrated, or even guilty for something that is not your fault.
Because the unfortunate truth is that narcissists have a unique and very skillful way of twisting words and situations in their favor.
And what better way to arm yourself against their ambiguous communication styles than to know what they’re saying and why they’re saying it?
So, without further ado, let’s reveal the top 10 phrases narcissists commonly use to evade responsibility for their failures.
1) “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…”
This person turns the tables on you very quickly. By pointing out that they only took a certain action or chose a certain path because of you, it becomes all your fault…
(At least that’s what they want it to appear).
Narcissists are known to be exceptionally skilled at shifting blame onto others. They have a knack for making you believe that their actions – no matter how cruel or hurtful – are a direct result of something you did or didn’t do.
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So pay attention to this phrase. It’s a classic example of how they disavow responsibility for their failures and instead blame the person closest to them (most likely you).
Forget to acknowledge their mistakes. They will attribute their actions to your behavior and paint you as the bad guy.
So, the next time someone uses this phrase to excuse their mistakes, remember that it is not your fault.
They just use manipulative tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, when you are not at all responsible for someone else’s choices – they are.
2) “You’re overreacting.”
Boo to you!
Can’t you just be calm?
be cold?
Learn how to relax, for God’s sake…
(He said in narcissistic, chilling words, no doubt.)
If you’ve ever been told that you overreact when you express anxiety or upset, you’ve probably:
Dealing with an insensitive and emotionally unintelligent person,
Dealing with a narcissistic person,
(Maybe an overreaction, just a tiny bit).
And if it’s C), that’s okay too. You are allowed to feel hurt and anxious when you hear things that upset you.
However, genuinely empathetic and caring individuals will cater to your sensitivities and avoid upsetting you (at least intentionally).
On the other hand, the narcissist will try to invalidate your feelings especially when he upsets you. Instead of apologizing or learning how to avoid sensitive topics, they’ll just make fun of you for being upset in the first place.
So remember: It’s not an overreaction to expect respect and appreciation from others. Your feelings are valid, and no one should make you feel otherwise.
3) “I only did it because you pissed me off first.”
Continuing the blame game, this phrase once again sets you up for all the narcissists’ mistakes.
They wouldn’t have behaved badly, abused you, or hurt you, if you hadn’t done something to excuse it first…
Like a dog that gets beaten because it was begging for scraps of food, suddenly you’re the villain again.
This phrase is another classic narcissistic deflection of blame, as they use it to justify their actions by pinning their reactions on your supposed provocation.
The idea behind this is to make you feel guilty and responsible for their actions, even if the actions are clearly hurtful and bad.
Instead of acknowledging their inappropriate behavior or reaction, they blame you, making you the cause and them the victim.
Funny way to evade blame, isn’t it?
So, if you encounter someone using this phrase to justify their actions, remember that it is not your fault or your actions at all.
It is a deflection tactic, often used by narcissists to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
4) “I’m not perfect.”
no one is perfect! Hopefully you know this now.
That’s why this phrase seems innocent enough…
However, when used by a narcissist, it is another very clever way to deflect blame.
Narcissists often use this phrase as a way to dismiss their mistakes or failures.
By claiming that they are not perfect, and that everyone is human and makes mistakes, they are essentially saying that they cannot be held accountable for their actions.
And if you even try to think about defending yourself, you seem by default inflexible and unsympathetic to what they portray as an unintentional mistake.
Related : 9 ways to deal with a narcissist, according to psychology
But here’s the problem – in psychology, this technique is known as minimization.
Minimization is a type of deception where the perpetrator downplays his or her actions and makes ample excuses to make it seem as bad as it actually is.
So, when someone uses this phrase to dismiss their failures or harmful behaviors, remember that this is not an admission of guilt but another way to avoid accountability.
5) “You’re too sensitive.”
Now, this can sting.
Especially when it comes from someone you care about.
Narcissists often use it to belittle your feelings and blame you for being too soft, squishy, and a snowflake.
Let’s be clear – being sensitive is not a shame at all. This means that you are empathetic, intuitive, and capable of deep connection.
However, narcissists turn something good into something negative to invalidate your reactions and emotions and, once again, make it all your fault.
So when they say: “You’re too sensitive,” what they’re really saying is: “Stop making me responsible for my actions.”
They avoid acknowledging how likely they are to hurt you, and instead make you feel guilty for feeling hurt in the first place.
But you have to realize that empathy and sensitivity are strengths.
Don’t let anyone use it against you, and protect what is potentially a kind and golden heart within you.
6) “I was just kidding.”
Accompanied by an eye roll.
Narcissists often use humor as a shield for their hurtful comments or actions.
When they’re called out for harsh remarks, they tend to say something like, “I was just kidding,” making it seem like you’re the one who can’t take a joke.
You are the one with a bad sense of humor.
You are very nervous.
You are so boring.
This spiteful tactic is used to belittle you and make you think about your interpretation of the situation. It’s a way for them to escape accountability for their offensive actions or words by making it seem like you’re overreacting or unpleasant.
But jokes are meant to be funny and bring people happiness — not hurt feelings.
If someone is constantly hiding behind humor to justify their hurtful behavior (usually attacking or belittling you), remember that it is not a lack of understanding but their unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions.
7) “You’re just jealous.”
If they can’t escape through deflection or shifting blame, narcissists will resort to making it appear that you are jealous of them in some way. Of their lives. From their friends. The list goes on…
They use this phrase to deflect blame and belittle your intentions, since by claiming to be jealous they can humiliate you and your fears.
So, when you raise your concerns, instead of addressing them, they may try to ignore them by attributing them to your supposed jealousy.
Don’t let this accusation of jealousy stop you from expressing your feelings and standing up for yourself.
Remind yourself: You have every right to express your concerns without being labeled jealous.
8) “Nobody has a problem with that.”
Narcissists often use this phrase as a way to convince you to believe that you are the only person in the world who has a problem with their behavior or actions.
They try to isolate your concerns as an anomaly, suggesting that since no one else is raising an issue, the problem must lie with you. In the same way that you lack humor, or you overreact, or you are too sensitive, etc.
But know that just because others haven’t expressed their concerns (as far as you know), doesn’t mean they don’t share them.
Trust your instincts, stand your ground, and don’t let this manipulative statement make you question your judgement.
9) “You always take things the wrong way.”
Again, a way to blame you and make you the bad person who can’t communicate or understand things properly…
This statement is a classic narcissistic tactic to shift blame and distort your feelings.
By implying that you are misinterpreting their actions or words, they are evading accountability and putting the fault on you. Then it becomes completely clean and free of any role in the emerging problems.
But trust that your feelings and perceptions are correct. You don’t always take things the wrong way at all, and you are allowed to feel things the way you feel.
Especially when it comes to interacting with a narcissist, things sometimes go very wrong.
10) “It’s your fault.”
To wrap things up, we can safely conclude that narcissists are experts who at least try to avoid making mistakes. any time. At any price.
That’s why they use this hurtful phrase to blame others for their failures. It is a very direct and cruel attempt to put all the responsibility on you while they run away through no fault of their own.
The truth is that we are all responsible for our actions, decisions, and failures.
The sooner we learn to accept and acknowledge our role in things, the better.
We cannot blame anyone else for the choices we make, nor should we accept blame from others.
A narcissist was caught red-handed
Hats off to you if these phrases sound familiar.
(I hope that’s not in your vocabulary.)
But if you know someone close to you who uses similar phrases, be careful and be prepared.
Narcissists make difficult friends and partners, often acting so sweet and simple that they come to the point of accepting blame or using others to their advantage.
However, hopefully you can learn more about the subtle ways in which narcissists manipulate others and play mind games.
By knowing the above phrases, you will also be more prepared to spot a narcissist in his or her tracks and dig yourself out from under them.
