Sometimes I address these topics more informally than others…
…this is not one of those times.
Narcissists are known for being quiet all the time while you say or do the right thing, and even that doesn’t last forever.
But there’s the other side of the coin. The side where you should never say or say what you might want to say.
Why?
Because it will never end well.
So, what are these things? Well, I’ve got 10 things for you, and I’m ready to dive into them.
Now, you can say a lot…
As long as it’s what they want to hear!
You can sit around with a narcissist all day and gossip. You can leave at the end of the day thinking you’ve really made it, but the reality is that they don’t think of you that way at all.
In fact, they’ll walk out of the day thinking, “I got a lot of information from this miserable person, and they fell for my charm and my fake interest in them.”
It’s a constant false sense of security, and that’s what makes people feel so disappointed when they realize it was all a big lie.
Compliance is Their Happy Place
If you’re doing what they want, they’ll be happy, even if you’re not.
The problem starts when you start saying things you should never say to a narcissist – and some of those statements will be what the narcissist wants to hear!
Let’s start looking at some examples.
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
1 “I accept your apology”
Accepting a narcissist’s empty apology automatically gives them permission to do what they did again.
Did they come home late and not tell you where they were?
Okay – okay! You said it was okay, so expect more of the same!
Do you see how damaging it is to let them hurt you, and then tell them “don’t worry about it”?
As the narcissist laughs, you feel even more miserable than you were to begin with, all because you want the narcissist to be happy.
Related ;: How to Navigate Life with a Narcissistic Father
You’ve learned that as long as they have a smile on their face, there will be peace in your home.
What about you?
2 “You’re a narcissist!”
Oh. I can hear a pin drop right now, even as I write these words.
Telling a narcissist that they are a narcissist will cause a lot of trouble, and nothing will ever be the same again.
Narcissists thrive all the time while you ignore their games, but the moment you cling to reality – there’s no going back.
You can expect to completely eliminate the narcissist from your life if you tell them they’re a narcissist.
They’ll know they can no longer control you, and they’ll see you as useless to them. They may even resort to denial, or project your thoughts onto you, making you seem like the toxic one.
Whatever happens – it won’t be pretty.
3 “I know your game”
Predicting what the narcissist will do next means you’ve spent a lot of time studying them, and learning how they operate.
If you were to pass this on to the narcissist, they’d have a hard time continuing to do what they’ve gotten away with before.
From there – you can expect them to step up their game significantly, and shift gears to become an even more destructive force.
4 “You’re so insecure underneath it all”
Ugh.
Narcissists have very fragile egos, and I don’t think any of them would tolerate you being direct and honest with them. It’s one thing to be honest with yourself, and it’s another thing to tell them what you think.
Not only does this statement prove that you get it, it also proves that you’re willing to go ahead and tell them.
- “You don’t love me”
Telling a narcissist that you don’t love me does several things—not all of which have to do with him.
First of all, you’re giving them complete control over your masculine emotions. Yes, you’re probably right.
They don’t love you. But it’s not because of anything you’ve done wrong. Knowing that you’re upset with their treatment of you makes them feel somewhat proud that they’re able to successfully manipulate you.
But also—for you—this statement is a reminder that you deserve better.
- “I’m going to tell everyone what I did”
Well, if you’re going to do that, let me set you up for dire consequences.
It won’t be nice, but I think you already know this.
When a narcissist feels threatened, they react. When threatened, they react even more.
This can be through anger, denial, the silent treatment, starting a smear campaign about you, or getting rid of you altogether. Whatever happens – there will be a punishment.
Finding a narcissist is their worst nightmare.
- “It’s my fault”
No!
This is a constant reminder I have to ask you all repeatedly.
It’s not your fault.
Narcissistic abuse is the abuser’s fault, that’s all there is to it.
Never surrender your power to a narcissist in this way. Never.
- “You’re right”
Can I yell “no” again?!
In what world are narcissists right?
There are two options.
The first is when they convince you that they’re right.
The second is when you tell them they’re right just to keep the peace.
Neither of them are right.
Don’t be fooled into thinking you have to tell them anything to keep the conflict low!
- “Whatever you want”
This is the point where the victim is so eager to please the narcissist that they will literally say anything to get it.
“Whatever you want” is another phrase that gives the narcissist control.
You can’t just blame them if things go wrong (you told them so, remember?), and you don’t have a say because it wasn’t your original preference.
Whatever you want is exactly what the narcissist wants.
- “I love you no matter what”
If that’s not permission to treat you the way they want you, with no consequences or boundaries to protect you, then I don’t know what is.
Never tell a narcissist that you’ll love them no matter what they say or do, or how they treat you.
Not only is this the worst way to give your heart to someone, it shows that you have no real morals when it comes to forgiveness.
It’s something you should really think about the next time you decide to let your guard down for someone who doesn’t think highly of you in return.
