Choosing a baby name is no joke. Squeezing in one name for your child for the rest of their life…it’s certainly no small task. When you finally arrive at that perfect name, nothing can beat that feeling.
Nearing the end of her pregnancy, one woman took to Reddit and admitted she had fun finding that perfect name. Growing up in the South, she revealed how she couldn’t help but joke with her mother about the possibility of her daughter having a Southern surname – turning Katherine into Katie May. When the laughter was over and the conversation was over, the soon-to-be mom was shocked when she opened Instagram to see a post from her mother the next day.
After joking about her newborn’s nickname, this “narcissistic” mother posted it on social media without permission.
In a Reddit post from the r/narcissists forum, a mother-to-be spoke about her pregnancy with a “narcissistic” mother — which is not a job for weaklings. After posting a photo of a celebrity on her Instagram to commemorate her daughter’s pregnancy, the excited grandmother shared her daughter’s baby girl’s name with all her followers.
“My mom wrote a post explaining the [Southern nickname] joke,” she admitted, “but she ended it with, ‘It’s so funny how the Southern way has taken over, and now you’re going to be Katie Mae forever.’” My mom’s friends and peers are all commenting things like, “So sweet, Katie.” water!” and “I can’t wait to meet Katie May.”
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After expressing her revulsion and anger at her mother’s post, the soon-to-be grandmother was quick to distance herself from the topic, describing herself as a victim for not understanding the extent of the harm this post would cause to her daughter. Even this single interaction highlighted evidence of the woman’s theory about her mother being a narcissist: Two of the biggest signs of narcissism are blaming others for their behavior and the need to be the center of attention.
Several people within the Reddit thread were quick to validate this woman’s experience — noting that she grew up influenced by her mother’s behavior. Regardless of whether a narcissistic parent suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) or not, the effects it has on their relationships and children are significant.
Looking back at her pregnancy, she recalled her mother’s “narcissistic”, attention-seeking nature.
Her mother’s “attention-seeking” behavior was nothing new, as she recalled instances throughout her pregnancy where her mother desperately tried to steal the spotlight.
“When my husband and I announced the pregnancy, I used the photos we posted.” I wrote. She added: “Then I wrote a whole blog post about becoming a grandmother, and nothing about it being happy for me and my husband.”
While she had spent a good portion of her life gaslighting herself into believing that her mother wasn’t truly as selfish as she seemed now, pregnancy made it even more difficult to ignore her.
An often overlooked part of narcissism among parents is their ability to use involvement as evidence of “good parenting” — being the head of the PTA, a designated carpool mom, or a constant poster for the love bomb on social media. For many parents with narcissistic tendencies, this increased involvement in their children’s lives is entirely self-serving. Their inability to relinquish control and step out of the center of attention is what motivates them to participate in many areas of their children’s lives.
Related: Yes, You Can Change A Narcissist — If You Follow One Key Rule
#After years of dealing with her “narcissistic” mother, the woman longed to have something “of her own.”
The mother admits that her mother’s tendencies “affected almost every aspect of their relationship and became more insidious with the pregnancy.”
Like many children growing up and coming out of toxic families, their yearning for control over their lives trumps many other typical desires. While many mothers at this stage of life can enjoy intimate conversations with their mothers and share moments of celebration, this woman was stuck enforcing boundaries and struggling for normalcy.
“I only want one thing about this child for myself, and I feel like she stole everything.”
