I get it.
The end of a relationship can feel like the end of the world. When you’ve planned your entire life with someone, and then it’s taken away from you.
You feel so wronged, and you want to tell everyone that your ex is a narcissist. You see little signs, and you want to write the rest of the story.
Don’t get me wrong, some people may be narcissists, but they probably aren’t…
…and I want to tell you why.
BreakUp – Let’s be honest…
It can be hard saying goodbye to someone you love, especially if you feel like the relationship is ending too soon.
There will be a big part of you pushing you to try again. Make it work. Do something different next time.
When you’re not given that chance, it can lead to one of two things:
Sadness and resentment.
Both are possible, but they can certainly be damaging if it takes too long.
Related : When You Stop Caring About The Narcissist They Will Do This!
When your ex is divorced, you may face an uncertain future. You had plans you had, but now you have nothing, and you’re looking for a reason why.
Moving On With Life Seems Impossible
It seems absolutely impossible to think about moving on when all you want to do is ask questions.
Why did this happen?
What did you do wrong?
Why doesn’t he want to be with you anymore?
Is there any way you can fix it?
You’re growing increasingly bitter toward the person you once considered your true love, and you’re left with no other informal diagnosis:
He must be a narcissist to be so cold and uncaring.
Do you think this is possible given the situation?
If so, you’re not alone.
Wanting To End The Relationship
The most important aspect of any breakup is the need to end the relationship, and I think this is where many people fail.
When they don’t understand, they look for it. They look for an explanation; a reason to end the relationship so they can put the past behind them and start over.
The question is: Why wait for someone else to close the deal for you when you can do it yourself?
Sometimes, ending a relationship with someone is all you need, but because you’re a good person, you want to find a reason or an equation where none exists.
Related : The One Secret The Narcissist Knows About You
If someone has wronged or hurt you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a narcissist.
Narcissists Do Exist!
Yes! Narcissists are everywhere, and they cause immense damage to relationships and the people they share in them.
Narcissists will break you before they leave you because they want to leave you broken, not whole. They intentionally hurt you, knowing that your pain will be their livelihood.
I don’t want you to live your life believing that everyone who hurt you intended to cause you that pain.
Sometimes, we all have to do the right thing ourselves, right? If your ex-partner has become a partner, he or she likely wanted to end the relationship because it wasn’t working for him or her.
This doesn’t mean it’s your fault, nor does it mean it’s theirs.
Things happen, and relationships start and end every day.
It doesn’t necessarily have to be your fault that’s driving you toward narcissism and wondering if this person was one to begin with.
Traits Don’t Equal The Full-Sized Narcissistic Personality
When you think about narcissism, I want you to think of it as small, toxic pieces that add up to a full-blown narcissism.
Each piece has the potential to draw some of the positive out of another person’s personality, and the more pieces there are, the more narcissistic they are.
It’s entirely possible for someone to have one or two pieces, without it encompassing a full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think this is where you can get stuck and labeled very quickly.
For example, if your ex knows what they want, that will always work for you.
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Would Say If They Were Honest
They may one day realize they don’t want to continue in a relationship (not just with you, but in general).
A breakup may seem as harsh as it is shocking, but that’s not because of narcissism. It’s because he knows what he wants and makes clear decisions.
You might say how harsh he is, or how he seems indifferent to his decision, but as far as he’s concerned, he made his decision and acted on it.
When you’re the “left behind,” there’s always a sense of confusion and sadness, but that shouldn’t lead you to assume narcissism had anything to do with it.
It’s Over – You Can Move On
At the end of a relationship, there’s always a period of grief and reflection.
What went wrong, and where do I go now?
It’s okay to have these thoughts without blaming anyone for what happened. If it’s over, you can take charge of your life again and find ways to move forward.
What does that look like for you?
Maybe it’s taking time off work for a vacation. Maybe it’s seeing friends. Maybe it’s taking up a new hobby. Maybe it’s starting a new exercise routine to get your endorphins up.
You don’t have to wait around for the “what ifs.”
You don’t have to feel bitter toward someone just because they decided to leave and end what you thought was perfect.
Victim? No, thanks!
I don’t think it’s ever healthy to put yourself in a victim mentality.
When you do, you’ll encounter additional problems, such as:
Blaming others all the time
Making excuses for yourself
Not taking enough responsibility—if at all—
Saying phrases like, “It’s not my fault”
Related : The Narcissist Eternally Suffers From These 6 Things
Not looking for solutions to problems
Feeling powerless and falling into the blame trap
Negative self-talk
Self-sabotaging
Lack of trust
Resentment/anger issues
Loneliness
I don’t want that for you, and you shouldn’t want that for yourself either.
Listening to your inner narrative that your ex is a narcissist is often the easiest solution. It’s the explanation we want to hear, and for that reason, it helps many people feel better about a situation or event that hurt them.
But when you dig deeper—is he a narcissist, or are you just feeling a pain that will eventually go away?
