I get it.
The end of a relationship can feel like the end of the world. When you’ve planned your entire life with someone, only to have it taken away from you.
You feel so wronged, you want to tell everyone that your ex is a narcissist. You see little signs, and you want to write the rest of the story.
Don’t get me wrong here, some people may be narcissists, but they probably aren’t…
…and I want to tell you why.
breakups – Let’s be honest…
It can be hard to say goodbye to someone you love, especially if you feel like the relationship is ending too soon.
There will be a big part of you that will try again in some way. Make it work. Do something different next time.
When you don’t get that chance, it can lead to one of two things:
Sadness and resentment.
Both are possible, but both can definitely be damaging if you stay in them too long.
When your ex is gone, you may be facing an uncertain future now. Where you once planned, you no longer have anything, and you’re looking for a place to put the reason behind it.
Moving On Seems Impossible
It seems absolutely impossible to think about moving on when all you want to do is ask questions.
Why did this happen?
What did I do wrong?
Why doesn’t he want to be with you anymore?
Is there any way you can fix it?
You’re growing increasingly cruel to the person you once considered true love, and you’re left with no other informal diagnosis:
He must be a narcissist to be this cold and indifferent.
Do you think that’s possible, given the situation?
If so, you’re not alone.
Wanting to End It
The biggest aspect of any breakup is the need to end it, and I think that’s where a lot of people fail.
When they don’t understand that, they look for it. They look for an explanation; a reason to end it so they can close the page and start over.
The question is, why wait for someone else to close the chapter for you, when you can do it yourself?
Sometimes, getting someone to end it is all you need to do to end it, but because you are a good person, you want to find a rhyme or reason where there really isn’t one.
If someone wrongs you or hurts you, it doesn’t automatically mean they are a narcissist.
Narcissists Exist!
Yes, of course! Narcissists are everywhere, and they cause an incredible amount of damage to relationships and the people they are with.
Narcissists will break you before they leave you, because they want to leave you broken, not in one piece. They hurt you on purpose, and they know that your pain will be their livelihood.
Related : How I Escaped a Narcissist and Reclaimed My Life
I don’t want you to live your life believing that everyone who hurts you meant to cause you that pain.
Sometimes, we all have to do the right thing ourselves, don’t we? If your partner is your ex, chances are they probably wanted to end the relationship because it wasn’t working out for them.
This doesn’t mean it’s your fault, and it doesn’t mean it’s their fault either.
Things happen, and relationships start and end every day.
Your tendency toward narcissism doesn’t have to be to wonder if they’re this type of person all the time.
Traits Don’t Mean a Whole Personality
When you think about narcissism, I want you to think of it as little toxic pieces that come together to make a whole narcissistic personality.
Each piece has the potential to pull a little bit of positivity out of someone else’s personality, and the more pieces there are, the more narcissistic they are.
It’s entirely possible for someone to have one or two pieces, without fully expanding into the realm of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I think this is where you might fall into a category very quickly.
For example, if your ex was the type who knew what they wanted, that would work all the time it worked for you.
One day, they might realize they don’t want to be in a relationship anymore (not just with you, but in general).
Breaking up can seem as tough as it is shocking, but it’s not because of narcissism, it’s because they know what they want and have made clear decisions.
You can say how heartless they are, or how they seem unfazed by their decision, but to them, they made their decision, and they acted on it.
When you’re the one being “left behind,” there’s always an element of confusion and sadness, but that should in no way lead you to assume that narcissism has anything to do with it at all.
It’s Over – You Can Move On
At the end of a relationship, there’s always a period of time for grief and reflection.
What went wrong, and where do I go now?
It’s okay to have these thoughts without blaming anyone for what happened. If it’s over, you can be the leader of your life again and find ways to move on.
Related : Why Woke Narcissists Are More Dangerous Than You Think
What does that look like for you?
Maybe it’s taking time off work for a vacation. Maybe it’s seeing friends. Maybe it’s taking up a new hobby. Maybe it’s starting a new exercise routine to get your endorphins up.
No need to sit around wondering “what if.”
No need to feel bad about someone just because they decided to leave and end what you thought was perfect.
Victim? No thanks!
I don’t think it’s healthy to put yourself in a victim mindset.
When you do, you run into additional problems, such as:
Blaming others all the time
Making excuses for yourself
Not taking enough responsibility—if at all
Saying things like, “It’s not my fault”
Not looking for solutions to problems
Feeling helpless and trapped
Negative self-talk
Self-sabotage
Lack of confidence
Resentment/anger issues
Loneliness
I don’t want that for you, and you shouldn’t want that for yourself either.
Listening to the internal narrative that your ex is a narcissist is often the easy way out. It’s the explanation we want to hear, and for that reason, it helps many people feel better about a situation or event that hurt them. But when you really dig deep—are they a narcissist, or are you feeling a pain that will eventually subside?
