Expecting emotional support from a narcissist is like expecting a fish to climb a tree. They can’t understand another person’s pain, and even more impossible for them to be selfless enough to support them through it.
We do not provide support. We are so concerned with ourselves and our daily search for fuel that we need to worry about you. We are immersed in our world and have no interest in yours. The only time we pay attention to you is when you refuel us or stop refueling us. Everything we do is centered around us. This is because we must have fuel, without us we would fall apart.
The hunger for this fuel is never ending, and therefore, all our energy must be used to obtain it. This leaves us with nothing left for anyone else.
Being a caregiver yourself, you like to believe that the person you share your life with, or with whom you work closely, will be able to give you support. This may mean giving you emotional support when you’re going through a difficult time or taking on stress, which allows you to take the burden off yourself. You give and you’re happy to do so, so why shouldn’t they, too? This is the view of an ordinary person who operates by the norms and rules of your world.
These do not apply to us. We can’t support you because we don’t have anything available to do so.
Added to this is that we don’t know how to provide emotional support. Yes, we can see how chores and the like can be done. We’ve also noticed the ways you provide emotional support to others and know what phrases are used, what expressions are made on people’s faces, and what gestures are made. We’ve seen it all, and we can trot it all out.
In fact, we’ve done this in the past. We did this when we were seducing you. When we wanted you to reveal your weaknesses and weaknesses, this would always sadden and upset you. You may have caused an outburst in which you need emotional support. We were happy to follow through on the suggestions after that because we were in the process of investing in you for our fuel. We were happy to make the right sounds, give you a hug and make the panacea that is your cup of tea.
All this was learned from others. We didn’t feel anything for you. We couldn’t put ourselves in your shoes (God forbid that should ever happen) and we couldn’t empathize with what you were going through and we never could. Again, we fooled you into thinking we were caring and selfless.
We showed such an approach when we were first together and that is what drew you to us. This has raised the expectation that you can count on us and turn to us when needed. All wrong.
Moreover, when you need and expect support from us, you show us how vulnerable you are. We despise weakness. You will find that this species is rarely found near children, the infirm, the sick, and the elderly. This is because they are all vulnerable and want support regularly.
We do not want to remember this fact. We can’t be bothered to clutter our way to fuel. Vulnerability infuriates us. The average person sees someone in a position of vulnerability and is determined to help and help. We have seen how this is a normal reaction in normal people. It won’t happen with us.
If you’re lucky, we’ll miss the situation in a moment. We will generate some urgent causes; Finding an urgent post that we may have forgotten in order to ensure that we can distance ourselves from you and your illness, affliction or injury. You’ll probably never see us move so quickly when it comes to walking away from someone who needs help.
If we can’t get out of the situation, we might as well just stand and look at you. You can reach us, eyes full of tears of pain, and ask for help and we’ll just give you a blank stare. We know we have to help you, the Agreement and the Note told us to, but we can’t do it. We can’t leave but we can’t help you either. This requires mercy and we have none of it. It requires us to use our energies to help you, and we are forbidden to do so.
Related: What Is Narcissism?
