Have you made the devastating discovery that the narcissist is not there for you when you need them most?

Did they meet you with cold indifference when your emotions were in jeopardy, and drove you into a spiraling spiral of despair?

While you’ve always wanted to soothe the narcissist’s pain and help them feel safe, a narcissist simply drains your emotional energy like fuel for an engine, then leaves you flat and neglected with no care in the world when you’re at your most vulnerable.

If this describes your relationship, this article will explain why the narcissist isn’t there for you, as well as the next steps you can take for transformative healing.

Why the narcissist is not there for you

Today I will answer a question. I thought I’d try a question-and-answer format and see how that works for you. Today’s question is from Madeline and she wants to know, “Why isn’t a narcissist there for you when you’re battling a terminal health condition?”

So, let’s take a moment to reflect on the things we know about narcissistic individuals. The first is that they have no empathy.

I wrote a blog post about this very thing called Why Narcissists Ignore You at the Worst Possible Times. Although Madeline doesn’t mention her ostracism, she does talk about the narcissist not being there for her.

is reading:

If you’ve been on Instagram or Facebook, you’ve probably seen the quote pop up saying, “Stop looking for angels where only demons live.” It’s loosely based on a quote by R.H.Sin. Narcissists discard that’s important to keep in mind if you think you’re dealing with a narcissistic individual. It’s kind of an oxymoron to ask why a narcissist can’t be there for you in your time of need.

In my article referenced above, I talk specifically about why narcissists don’t care about being there for you when you need them – when you’re most vulnerable – and to a large extent narcissists don’t care about others.

The only thing narcissists care about is what they can get from others.
Maybe you’ve had a situation where you’re thinking, “Well, I’m not dealing with a narcissist because one time when I was sick, they were nice or they were very accommodating.”

I encourage you to go back in time and think about what was going on around that incident.

Maybe the two of you seem to have reconciled after you caught them cheating or you caught them in a big lie. If they’re acting nice, it might be after an episode like that.

Or maybe you have a loved one who’s sick and they think they’ll kick the bucket sometime soon and hope they’ll be around if the inheritance comes along. These are just some of the reasons why a narcissist might be nice to you.

But this is not the most common case. What I see in my line of work is that narcissists always ignore people or, at the very least, are very hard on them during a person’s time of need.

I’ve seen stories where a woman is in the hospital delivering her baby and the narcissist doesn’t even show up at birth. They’re trying to extract another narcissist’s supply or maybe they’re grooming someone, and they can’t be bothered with something like the birth of a child, not even their own.

This is how indifferent and truly uncaring narcissists can be.

One thing narcissists are very consistent about is the fact that they can be very callous, indifferent, unkind, and uncaring.

Therefore, we don’t want to keep wondering why a narcissist does the things that he does because all you have to do is google and you will find out exactly what causes him to act the way he does.

Narcissists find it extremely inappropriate to have to take care of someone or be there for someone.

I’ve had experience with this myself.

Again before I had my third son. I had a polyp, an ovarian tumor. Fortunately, it turned out to be benign, but I had to remove it. I was barely out of anesthesia, just waking up from unconsciousness during surgery and my ex was sitting, going through my wallet, checking everything I had in there, and asking, “Why is your friend, Betty, not here?” “

“Do you think your friend likes you? Well, where is she? I don’t see her anywhere. I told you she’s not a good friend.”

Instead of being there for me, he would invade my privacy by going through my wallet and then trying to convince me that my boyfriend didn’t care about me. He was so cruel that his sister, who was also present at the time, had to tell him to stop.

The one thing you should never expect is a narcissist to be there for you during your time of need. Even if you are diagnosed with a terminal health condition. This means nothing to them.

What you should expect from them is to be indifferent and indifferent to your suffering, pain, and fear.

This is one of those times when you don’t want to look for an iota of humanity within the narcissistic individual.

Another reason narcissists behave this way is that when you are sick, people will pay attention to you and will give you their focus, time, and care.

And what happens when people give you that? He usually takes these things away from the narcissist. They are no longer the center of attention, which you know because you think you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s very important to them.

Narcissists want all the attention on them. They don’t want others to get attention. In their minds, there is only so much interest to run around in, and so if it comes to anyone, it has to be on them.

Think of it this way, thinking or expecting a narcissist to care about you or be there for you when you’re in a vulnerable situation — like receiving a very worrying health diagnosis — is like putting a small duck in a lion’s den and expecting it to happen. The lion does not eat it.

This is the nature of the lion. You can’t do that and think, “Oh, this time things could be different.”

First of all, you don’t want to take such chances because, metaphorically, you’re the little duck and the narcissist is the lion.

We need to start looking at patterns of behavior. We need to accept the fact that the narcissist doesn’t care and there is absolutely nothing that you, me, or anyone else can do.