Why the Narcissist Blames You

Have you ever been left wondering why a narcissist blames you for literally everything? Do you feel like a victim of narcissistic accused syndrome, trapped forever in a nightmarish cycle of narcissistic abuse where everything is somehow your fault? Whenever something goes wrong, narcissists are quick to point fingers. The reasons behind narcissistic blame-shifting are simple but also psychologically complex.

Why do narcissists care about who is to blame

If you have ever been involved with a narcissist or lived with him, you will soon begin to notice that simple everyday events can quickly turn into huge arguments. Maybe you’re purging in the kitchen together after a meal, and you happen to notice that a narcissist is putting a dirty pot away in the closet. Quietly, she tells the narcissist that the pan is still dirty. People who are not pathologically narcissistic usually respond similarly to this:

“Oh! I didn’t realize. Thank you for telling me.”

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder, however, usually responds like this:

“Is the pan dirty? Why do you hate me so much? You’re so perfect, aren’t you? According to you, I can never get anything right!”

As can be seen, basic discussions turn into full-fledged rows in no time, with the narcissist shifting the blame squarely onto the other person. Why?: Narcissistic pathology and rigid personality structure mean that self-blame leads directly to shame, which is desperate to avoid at all costs. Despite the competent mask they show to the world, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder lack the mental and emotional maturity required to admit that they are wrong. The textbook blame shift movement leads to difficult circular conversations, which will make you question your sanity.

Why shift the blame?

Inner voices develop during childhood based on the way our parents treated us, our innate character, and our understanding of what our parents considered laudable or justified criticism. Undisturbed people have an inner voice that is fundamentally proportional to their actions. This internal dialogue is realistic, praises the US when we do the right thing, and guides us when we don’t.

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Unfortunately, people with narcissistic personality disorder live with a very critical inner voice. This second being inside is the voice of the narcissist’s false self, and he is sadistic, perfectionist, and abusive at all times. Therefore, when a narcissist makes a mistake, no matter how minor, this inner voice severely punishes them.

The abuse from the false self is unbearable for the narcissist, who feels that they must adhere to impossibly high standards to meet the demands of a brutally changing ego. Minor mistakes become colossal failures, capable of unleashing a tidal wave of deep-seated painful shame.

Shifting the blame

Because of this harsh inner dialogue, it is not surprising that narcissists run away from accountability. They usually do this by blaming someone else, sometimes known as narcissistic accuser syndrome. Failure to shift blame effectively incites feelings of psychological anguish and self-hatred. This defeat leads to a bottomless, self-loathing depression that the narcissist will struggle to get rid of quickly and effectively. People with this disease are not able to emotionally heal their numerous ego wounds, which means that harm accumulates with age.

A characteristic symptom of this disorder is black-and-white thinking. What this means in real terms is that narcissists cannot hold two opposing ideas at once, similar to how young children work mentally. The result is that narcissists cannot help but perceive themselves and others as all good or bad. Once in a depressed state, they perceive themselves as completely worthless and defective and cannot recognize any positive traits that they may possess.

Narcissists have learned from a young age not to take the blame for anything. Everything narcissistic does not exist for the benefit of a narcissist in some way. Taking accountability offers no real reward. In the narcissist’s mind, they can’t take responsibility-it’s simply too painful; that’s why the narcissist blames you.

Maintaining self-esteem

Despite the manifestations, which often indicate otherwise, the narcissist’s self-esteem does not exist. To gain self-esteem, you need to live by your true self. The narcissist’s true self is dilapidated and cannot resurrect once they reach adulthood because they have never developed the emotional skill set to fix themselves. Therefore, the narcissist remains trapped, literally frozen in time, usually at the age when he received the catastrophic narcissistic wound. Narcissists operate through a false self, and any sense of confidence is all smoke and mirrors.

Related : 6 Signs You May Be Living With a Narcissist

At the moment of shifting the blame, the narcissist is in survival mode and does not possess any sympathy for the other person. Their only concern is to avoid deep-seated shame, so the cycle of narcissistic abuse continues. They even project their inner voice on you and attack you for being too critical or controlling.

How to respond to shift blame

When dealing with narcissistic blame-shifting, there can be no real winner. Even if the narcissist knows deep down in his subconscious that he may be wrong, they will never admit it to you and will continue to throw accusations. Arguing with people with this disease, if any, is rarely successful because they sincerely do not hear you. The only voice that a narcissist listens to is the voice of the false self, which mercilessly attacks them for being less than perfect.

If you are dealing with a person who insists on blaming, all you can do is calmly tell this person what you disagree with what he is saying and why. Do not raise your voice, because you will only exhaust yourself physically and mentally. Many narcissists blame the transformation for creating a fight, which enables them to point fingers and frame you as an aggressor. Knowledge is power, and when you realize the exact picture of events, you will be able to maintain your composure and act appropriately.

So, why does the narcissist blame you?

In any relationship with a narcissist, you must accept that the blame will shift to you in the narcissist’s quest to avoid feeling worthless. This dynamic will never change; you can only change your response to reduce drama. You will eventually have to think about whether this self-sacrifice is worth it in the long run or not.