Author Sophia Reichert turned conventional wisdom on its head when she wrote about why she’s grateful to be a daughter of divorce.

Thankful? Is she serious?

Some of the effects of divorce on children are hypothesized to include lower scores on standardized achievement tests, more health problems, a poorer self-concept, and a greater likelihood of divorcing themselves compared to children whose parents remained married.

At least that’s what all the “studies” say. But what if the studies are wrong?

Related: If a man says these 7 things in conversation, he’s trying to manipulate you

The short-term effects of divorce on children are bad, but the future is still unknown.

Every divorce study confirms that the effects of divorce on children are negative… in the short term. While many researchers are quick to conclude that the long-term effects of divorce on children are just as negative, the question I always have when I read about this type of study is: How do they know?

How can anyone know that a child whose parents divorced would have been more educated, more well-adjusted, more successful, or happier if that child’s parents had not divorced?

That child’s parents have divorced. Therefore, no one can know with certainty, or even with a reasonable degree of certainty, that a child’s life would have been better if his or her parents had remained married. It could have been different, but that’s all anyone can honestly say.

Studies aimed at revealing the effects of divorce on children are flawed.

There are a lot of problems with studies of children of divorce. There are more problems with statistics that people publish to “prove” the conclusions that studies show. But, for now, I’ll limit myself to the two biggest issues that baffle all studies of children of divorce: They have no way of measuring cause and effect.

“Complicated” hardly begins to describe humans. It’s hard to understand why anyone would do what they do. However, to understand our world, we need to see patterns. We need to understand the causes of certain things.

In this way, we can do what causes the things we want to happen, and avoid doing what causes the things we don’t want to happen. So, we simplify. But when we try to find a simple reason for complex behavior, we often get it wrong.

Regarding children of divorce, statistics say that people who marry at a younger age are more likely to divorce than those who marry later in life. People who live in poverty or are less educated are more likely to divorce.

If we compare children whose parents are younger, poorer, and less educated with those whose parents are older, richer, and more educated, will there be a difference? naturally! But what is the reason for the difference? Were these children poorer and whose parents were less educated? Or are the parents of these children separated?

Studies don’t compare apples to apples.

Another problem with the studies is that they only compare children of divorced parents with children of married parents. They do not compare children of happily divorced parents with children of happily married parents. Doing so would be nearly impossible.

“Happiness” is very subjective. It’s hard to measure. Including “happiness” as a criterion in any study of the effects of divorce on children would render this study flawed. But not including happiness and its opposite, “unhappiness,” makes the study equally flawed.

Dr. Paul Amato found that most studies on the effects of divorce on children compare children living with single parents with a wide range of children living with married parents. But all families – whether intact or divorced – are not created equal. Studies that took levels of conflict into account in their research found that children living in high-conflict families were often worse off than children in divorced families.

Is divorce beneficial for children?

No one wants their children to suffer. No one can say that divorce is good for children. But to say that divorce is bad for all children at all times is not true.

I’m not saying that divorce is great and that the breakup of traditional families is good. I don’t think it is him. But I also don’t believe that when divorce happens, we should throw up our hands in despair and assume that divorced parents ruined their children for the rest of their lives because of it.

Divorce happens, and when it happens, it hurts everyone – especially the children. But conflict hurts children too. Poverty and lack of education harm children. Bad relationships with their parents hurt children.

Instead of blaming and shaming divorced parents and making them feel that their decision to divorce will destroy their children, why don’t we focus on what their children will need to grow into healthy adults: stability, love, and an environment that encourages them? To succeed in whatever they are capable of regardless of what happened to their parents.