Most people encounter a difficult person and call them “crazy” or “terrible,” but there are medical terms that therapists use to describe them.
If someone shows a pattern of difficult and frustrating behavior over time, there is a good chance that the individual in question has what therapists call a “personality disorder.”
What is a personality disorder?
Common personality disorders include narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, among several others. What’s interesting is that the hardest type of person to deal with or date is not someone who fits perfectly with one of these disorders.
The most difficult person by far is one who has some of the characteristics of each of the difficult personality disorders, so the individual has a “mix” of several personality disorders.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, there are a few personality disorders called “Cluster B” personality disorders, which are the most serious of all.
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If someone has a combination of traits from three of the Cluster B personality disorders—narcissistic, borderline, and antisocial—that individual will usually have difficulty having a consistent, reasonably happy relationship.
(Note that I am not saying that these individuals with this personality type are bad people. If they got therapy and dealt with their issues, because we all have some, they could be decent men and women and could have functional relationships because they were.) Willing to do the work on their issues.)
The narcissistic traits that upset and anger others the most include a clear sense of superiority, denial of responsibility when things go wrong, and difficulty thinking about other people’s feelings.
On the other hand, borderline traits include cycling between extreme emotions in the same hour or even minute, constantly changing their opinion of others as all good or all bad, and manipulation.
Finally, antisocial traits include a lack of empathy or remorse, a lack of a moral compass, and lying to get what they want.
Most people with personality disorders do not meet all the criteria for each disorder.
The hardest type of person to have any kind of relationship with—whether platonic, romantic, or even professional—is someone who displays some traits of each of these three serious personality disorders.
There is no doubt that the most serious personality disorder of all is the antisocial type because people with this disorder do not feel bad about hurting others.
However, most people you have difficulty with won’t be that harsh. They may show some antisocial traits, but they will not have all the characteristics required to warrant a full diagnosis.
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Here’s an example of someone who suffers from traits of several personality disorders mixed into one.
The antisocial type does not care about established rules. Antisocial individuals will break any rule they see fit, and will be very careful to make sure that others do not see how many rules or laws they are breaking. In short, antisocial types are usually sneaky.
Add to this component someone who has an enormous ego and believes he or she is better than everyone else (the narcissistic component), and you have a difficult person.
If this person also has borderline personality traits — for example, manipulating and dismissing friends or lovers if they make a wrong move because now they’re “all bad” — then you’re talking about someone you can’t have any type of enjoyment with. Successful relationship (until they get mental health treatment).
Most people might imagine that therapists or psychologists can recognize these people from miles away, but the truth is that it takes anyone — including doctors — some time to get to know someone.
Men and women with Cluster B traits are very reserved people and will have to hide parts of themselves that they don’t like or don’t want you to see.
These Type B types often present the opposite image to new people, trying to seduce you and appear as attractive as possible. Often, it’s not until several months later that you start to see some hidden traits seeping in, and you begin to see the pathological side of that person’s personality.
Once you detect a true pattern of Cluster B traits — especially feeling superior, lying, breaking or changing rules, or extreme emotionality — proceed with caution.
Trying to establish any type of functional relationship with someone who has this combination of traits will almost always fail until that individual acknowledges the problem and gets the mental health services they need.
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