When a narcissist ends a relationship, it’s like a total surprise. Everything is fine for a moment (at least as far as expected!), and then suddenly, it’s over. Ex-partners are often left wondering, “What happened?”
I’ve noticed that when narcissists end relationships, there’s usually no buildup. No months of gradual decline. No sense of inevitability once they suddenly blow up.
I’ve also noticed that narcissists are usually not honest about the reasons for the breakup. They try to blame you. Or they find an external excuse like “I want to focus on taking care of my mother” or other flimsy reasons.
The sad truth is that narcissists often lie about why they broke up. Why is this?
Narcissists Have Other Options
Not all narcissists cheat, but many do. Narcissists often end relationships when they have other relationships on the horizon. It’s usually either cheating or they want someone else.
Narcissists hate being single. So they rarely end relationships without options. I’ve heard many stories of narcissists who ended long marriages and moved in with someone else within two weeks.
But why do they lie? Why don’t they tell the truth? Here are some reasons why narcissists lie about a breakup…
I Don’t Want To Be Wrong
Narcissists hate being wrong. Or at least they hate being seen as wrong. Because they want to maintain their moral superiority.
They don’t want to admit they’ve found someone else. That would be admitting they were “wrong.”
Related : Why Narcissists Play The Victim
Narcissists rarely admit they’re wrong. It’s a blow to their fragile ego. They’d rather lie to you, and to themselves, about why they broke up with you.
Narcissists hate being in a position where you’re right and they’re wrong. They like to win at everything.
Narcissists Protect Their PublicImage
Many narcissists are very protective of their public image and don’t want to risk tarnishing it.
They like to be admired by the public and don’t want to be exposed.
Narcissists know that you might tell others what they did. They no longer have the same ability to control someone after a breakup. They can’t force them to keep it a secret.
If they lie, they’re less likely to be exposed.
Keeping You As A Backup
Narcissists know that if they admit to their infidelity or find someone else, you’re less likely to get back together in the future.
Most narcissists hate being single. They like to have as many options as possible if things go wrong.
By lying about the reasons and blaming you or some external factor, they know they have a chance with you in the future. Why would a narcissist risk this opportunity by telling the truth?
Narcissists Put You on the Defensive
Narcissists may blame you for the end of the relationship, even if it’s really because they have a new source.
They know this triggers guilt and shame. It makes you focus on your own flaws, not theirs. Instead of questioning their worth, you dig deep inside to find out why you “failed.”
Related : Why Narcissists Don’t Give Straight Answers
This keeps you wanting them. You forget their flaws and feel guilty about your own.
The narcissist knows that if things don’t work out in their new venture, they can “forgive” you and come back to you. “I’ll give you another chance. But you better be perfect for me.”
Conclusion
Narcissists often lie about why they broke up with someone. They know the real reason could tarnish their image and jeopardize their chances of reuniting. They prefer options.
They often blame you to make you feel guilty about your mistreatment of them. This guilt leads some people to focus on their own perceived flaws, promising the narcissist that they will change.
These “flaws” are usually a clever trick of the narcissist’s. They might say something like, “You didn’t love me enough.” If you get back together, they’ll demand more love and more obedience. And this is after they dumped you for someone else!
Because they lied, they don’t have to explain their mistake. It’s like having their cake and eating it! But that’s what narcissists do. It’s all about them and their needs.
