It’s time for the narcissist to replace you. It’s been a long time coming, but you’re relieved that you’re no longer the target. The victim. The trapped one.
You feel free and happy about it.
But when you were together, the narcissist denied you so much. You wanted love and affection and cried out for it, but it never came.
So why do you now see the narcissist giving your replacement everything and more?
Painful Time
I hate hearing it as much as you hate experiencing it, but the painful truth is this:
The narcissist won’t give you what you want. And when you break up with him, you’ll see him offering it to your replacement.
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The warning signs go off in your head, and those thoughts come out. You know those thoughts…
I’m not good enough.
They never loved me.
I hate myself.
I’ll never be happy.
Love was never meant for me.
There must be something fundamentally wrong with me.
These thoughts may stem from a long-held insecurity about yourself that the narcissist has so strongly aroused.
It’s a painful time, and a painful way to feel like every bit of what you wanted was more than you could ask for, for someone like you.
If only you could be more like your replacement…
…Wrong!
I don’t want you to ever think that way. Your replacement will go through the same fake magic that you went through when you met the narcissist, except they will learn from you to please them even more.
1 To Convince You’re Wrong
Everything you’ve ever told the world about the narcissist – they will erase it completely.
They’ve abused me.
They’ve never listened to me.
They hated it when I saw my friends.
Your words will spread like wildfire, but their actions with your replacement will ensure that your words fall flat.
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How can I hate seeing their friends when all the new lover does is see their friends?
You know what I mean?
They’ve denied you so much, but by refusing to deny their newfound interest, they’re denying who you are, too.
It’s a sick world we live in, but it happens.
2 To Devalue You
What a way to make you feel as worthless as possible. And let’s be honest here—it would be easy to make someone with low self-esteem feel even more worthless.
Getting out of a narcissistic relationship will always leave you feeling like you’ve fought in some kind of war zone without any weapons.
You’re emotionally—and sometimes physically—exhausted.
What’s worse is that you now see their replacement getting everything you wanted from them, and it’s likely being waved right in front of you.
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The only reason someone would be so cruel is to make you feel even worse.
3 … And this devaluation confirms your fears…
It was never real love, but this should tell you one thing:
It was actually a waste of your time.
When a narcissist devalues you, they’re not devaluing you because you’re worthless. They’re doing it because they don’t care who they hurt, as long as they get what they want.
You fear that you’re good enough to hurt others, so you go along with their narrative that you’re not lovable. Or kind. Or good. Or worthy.
You beat yourself up for not being who they wanted you to be, when in reality, you were so much more.
You deserve so much more.
4 Love Bombing with a Surrogate
You have to start off on a good note, so narcissists make their first impressions of a new person as wild and exciting as they were for you.
The only difference is that you’re not you. Whatever you wanted when you were together, he rejected you and is now freely handing it over to your surrogate in the name of love…
…but you know it’s just a superficial attempt at charm.
It works for a little while, but like everything with a narcissist, it will wear off. The mask will fall.
Reality will rear its ugly head. And the narcissist will eventually move on again.
Do you remember what the narcissist said or did during the love bomb phase?
I bet it makes you shudder with regret just thinking about it.
Love bombardment can be:
All the ways the narcissist tells you that you’re the best thing that ever happened to them.
Taking you out for expensive meals.
Listening to every word you say, and every secret you have to tell them.
Promising to take care of you.
Telling you that you’re the one.
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Texting or calling frequently to allow for some sort of constant connection that you rely on.
Sending you flowers.
Telling you that they love you too early in the relationship.
Moving too fast physically.
Love bombing is designed to throw you off course, like being hit by a tornado. You don’t really have time to think, you just know that it’s moving fast and you’re going with it.
The love part is how you grow to love it—and to love them.
5 Learning from You: Practical
Although I hate to say it, sometimes you’re just practical.
They want to try everything with you, see what works and what doesn’t, and remember how it went for next time.
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The mistakes they make when trying to seduce you and lure you in with your replacement can be fixed so they don’t make the same mistake twice, and they can really perfect their toxic strategies at play.
I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the confirmation you need that they didn’t really love you.
It felt real, I get it. They said they loved you and couldn’t bear the thought of being without you.
These are all tests to see how you react, what works and what doesn’t.
You are like a project to a narcissist. He studies you and sees what he can do better next time, and when that opportunity arises, he seizes it.
The alternative will be more or less the same for him, but you will see him receiving things that you didn’t get.
It hurts when you put your trust in a relationship that wasn’t meant to work.
It is in lessons like these that we need to learn our worth and head into our next relationship looking for authentic characters who just want to love and care for us.
