Many narcissists have a habit of disappearing for weeks, months, or even years. Then they suddenly return, as if they had never been there. There are several reasons for this behavior…

They_Were_Shamed

Narcissists seek to build a positive public image. They need a lot of attention, and they know they won’t get it if people know their true selves.

If they are caught doing something wrong, they know their public image is at risk. Sometimes they retreat and flee.

Narcissists may move to a new area, or get a new job, and go into hiding for a while. They meet new people, can manipulate them, and get away with it for a while.

If they mess up with more bad behavior, they may return, hoping that time has made their actions fade in people’s memories. They can twist the story to save face.

Narcissistic_Ex-Partner

If the narcissist is an ex-partner, they’re likely to reappear when they’re running low on support or when they want something.

Narcissists hate being alone. If their options are limited, they often fall back on old support.

Related : How Narcissists Control People

Narcissists rely on you to forget the problems they caused you, reminding you of the “good old days.” But those may have been the early days of “love bombing,” when they were putting on a nice face to engage you.

Narcissists also don’t seem to care if you’ve ever disagreed with them. Past disagreements are often forgotten, regardless of who’s at fault.

You might be fooled into thinking they’re extending an olive branch. They’re not! They’re only focused on what they want. So they no longer care about old disagreements.

If you dump a narcissist, they may be reaching out for more sinister reasons. Narcissists hate being let go. It’s a devastating blow to their fragile egos.

I’ve heard stories of narcissists reconnecting with their exes just to lure them back, then dumping them. Yes, a narcissist is mean enough to get back with someone, just to dump them.

A narcissistic ex may be coming back to check on you. To see if you’re single and how vulnerable you are. Narcissists like to discount their options. So they reconnect with their old partners to see if you’re a good fit. If you’re single and seem depressed, it’s likely.

Narcissistic Friend

Narcissists also have a habit of disappearing and reappearing. Again, they’re likely to want something when they return.

Narcissists often don’t care about maintaining friendships. If they get attention elsewhere, you may not hear from them for a while. But as soon as they need you, they’ll come back.

In my experience, if you don’t have time for them, they act resentful. They feel, “I haven’t seen you in ages, and you don’t have time for me?” This is despite them having been out of contact for months.

They expect you to drop everything when they suddenly surprise you. In their opinion, you should be there for them whenever they want. But they don’t need to be.

Child Custody

If you share your children with a narcissist, they are usually inconsistent in their visits. They may disappear for months, then suddenly show up at your door, demanding to see their children.

They know they can use emotional blackmail if you refuse. They play the victim, telling everyone you won’t let them see their children.

The problem is that narcissists don’t care about seeing their children. They use them as an excuse to visit you. That’s why they rejoice not seeing them for months. Then suddenly they announce how much they miss them.

If nothing else helps, they get bored of visiting their “precious” children. They disappear for a while. Then they reappear to see if you’re single or weak. Or if they want something.

Narcissists know that if they share children with you, they have an excuse to come and go from your life at will. It’s hard to say no.

Punishment

Narcissists sometimes disappear to punish you for something they believe you did wrong. They then reappear when they decide to “forgive” you.

It’s their way of conditioning you to do what they’re told, through reward and punishment. They also control the relationship. They decide when you’re not friends, and then decide when you are.

I had a similar situation with a narcissistic friend. She decided to unfriend me on Facebook. Then, about a week later, I received a friend request from her. I knew what she was planning, so I just hit “Ignore” and moved on!

False_Appearance

Narcissists like to show up unexpectedly. They might knock on your door or call you. They don’t usually send sweet messages to see how things are going first; they go all-in.

By suddenly hitting you, they take control of the situation. If they show up at your door, they know it’s hard to refuse. If they’re on the other end of the phone, they pressure you to agree to their demands.

Related : Why Narcissists Lie When They Breakup

Narcissists know you’re more likely to agree if they pressure you to make a decision. A message gives you time to think, a luxury they don’t want you to have.

They don’t care about your needs. If they want your time or a favor, they expect it now.

Conclusion

Always remember that narcissists only contact you when they want something. It could be your attention, a favor, or anything else.

Don’t believe their statements about missing you. They’ll say anything to get what they want. Personally, I wouldn’t give up everything for them. If they know they can reappear and you give up everything, they’ll expect it. And you’ll be their backup plan.

Whether you entertain them or not is up to you. Just don’t expect their sudden contact to be in your best interest. If you’re an ex and don’t have children, it’s wise to walk away!