If you spend time with a narcissist, most people will feel exhausted, both physically and psychologically. There are many reasons why narcissists can be so exhausting. Here are a few…
Narcissists Are Demanding
Narcissists are usually demanding, like little children. If you stand up to go to the bathroom, they ask where you’re going. They look at your phone and demand to know who texted you. I’ve even heard them ask, “What are you thinking?”
Some narcissists stalk you. They repeatedly try to get your attention whenever you’re trying to do something. You have to focus all of your attention on them—all the time.
This is suffocating, and it makes you feel like you can’t get rid of them even for five minutes of quiet. A day of this can drain anyone.
Narcissists Talk About Themselves Constantly
Narcissists don’t hesitate to talk about themselves and their problems for hours on end. They may ask you how you’re doing at work. But after one sentence, interrupt them with a long rant about their own work. If you mention anything about your work, expect the person in question to quickly return to their conversation.
Sometimes a narcissist will ignore what you’re saying or speak directly over you. They don’t care about anything you say, unless it’s about them, of course.
Related : How Narcissist Relationships Typically Play Out
When they “listen,” they don’t seem to be really paying attention. They might fiddle with their phone, look away, or suddenly change the subject.
Narcissists don’t care about their audience, how focused they are, or how interesting their stories are (no!). Hours of listening to them ramble on about the trivialities of their lives can be truly exhausting.
Narcissists Don’t Respect Your Space
Narcissists may realize you’ve just finished a grueling 12-hour shift. But they don’t care. If they want your attention, they’ll push you to go out with them. And they won’t take no for an answer.
If you stand by your opinion, they’ll change their tactics. They may turn into a victim. “My friend was arguing with me again today.” Even if you don’t back down, you’ll feel guilty.
Over time, they try to force you to agree to their demands. They make it easier for you to agree rather than refuse, using insistence and guilt tactics. They often find ways to punish you if you don’t comply. They don’t care about your need for rest.
Narcissists are intentionally hostile.
Narcissists quickly tire of peace and harmony. So they deliberately stir up hostility to stir up trouble.
This may be subtle, such as asking you about your father, whom they know you’re at odds with. They may play the role of a caring friend, when in reality, they’re the one who upset you.
Or they may lash out at you with harsh criticism or sarcasm. If you challenge them, you’re either being overly sensitive, or they’re just being playful.
Narcissists also learn your triggers. Once they learn them, they use them to get a reaction from you. They learn what bothers you because this reaction still attracts their attention. For a narcissist, negative attention is better than no attention. And of course, all of this is emotionally draining.
Narcissists Don’t Judge Your Mood
Narcissists either don’t notice your mood or don’t care. So, if you’re feeling sensitive, the narcissist won’t notice. They’ll act as they please, regardless.
Most of us intuitively know when someone is looking down on us or wanting to calm down, and we adjust our behaviors accordingly. But narcissists don’t.
Narcissists speak happily and enthusiastically, even if you’re clearly upset. Someone who doesn’t consider your needs can be extremely difficult to spend time with, especially when you’re not at your best.
They Make You Walk Carefully
Narcissists like to make those around them walk carefully.
They may get into a bad mood and be rude to everyone around them. They know it’s uncomfortable to be around someone in a bad mood. So people avoid them and do what they’re told to do to maintain the peace.
They may keep an eye on you and openly criticize everything you do. Narcissists have the annoying habit of sitting there and watching you. You might be eating a meal. They’ll watch you closely and laugh condescendingly if you drop a pea or make any other “mistake” they notice. This can make you self-conscious and tense. Which, of course, is exhausting after a while.
Narcissists Are Takers
Narcissists always seem to need something. Whether it’s a loan, your time, a favor, or something else.
Most people have a natural balancing mechanism in their brains. When someone does you a favor, you instinctively owe them something in return.
Related : Why People Stay Married To Narcissists
Narcissists enjoy taking, taking, and taking. They don’t care if the relationship is 80-20. In fact, that’s how they like it. If they do something for you, there’s usually an ulterior motive. Or they want something in return quickly.
Their constant demands can be exhausting, of course. You have to be on your guard to avoid being taken advantage of.
Final Thoughts
These are just a few of the many reasons why spending time with narcissists is exhausting. They nag you and expect a lot from you, but give you little in return.
Everything in a relationship with a narcissist revolves around them and their needs. They don’t realize that you have wants and needs, too.
Over time, they condition you to be more giving and to accept their taking. It becomes second nature. For narcissists, you exist solely to meet their needs.
They literally suck the life out of you. They demand more and more, and give less and less.
