Why are empaths and narcissists attracted to each other? Pairing these two personality traits can be a dangerous and toxic relationship, and here’s why.
A narcissist is a self-absorbed person who lacks the ability to empathize with others.
Especially in today’s day and age with the advent of social media and materialism, anyone can be narcissistic to some degree. It is a personality trait that exists on a continuum. However, on a full clinical level, you could be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, a mental illness that severely impairs healthy functioning. The narcissist tends to use others as a means to achieve his or her own needs without caring about how the other person is affected and securing their place at center stage.
Empathy, on the other hand, has exactly the opposite problem. They find it very easy to connect with other people’s feelings, so much so that they truly feel what others feel.
They often care about others at the expense of caring for themselves. “For empaths…we actually feel other people’s emotions, energy, and physical symptoms in our own bodies, without the usual defenses that most people have,” says Dr. Judith Orloff, author of The Empath’s Survival Guide.
Related: 8 Ways To Deal With A Narcissistic Sociopath (Once You Realize You’re Married To One)
Disclaimer: It is important to note that although Narcissistic Personality Disorder – commonly known as NPD – is a mental illness that can only be diagnosed by a highly qualified and experienced mental health professional, many people have prevalent narcissistic personality traits. In this article, we use the pronouns “he” to refer to a person with narcissistic personality traits and the pronoun “she” to refer to empaths and those with empathic traits – however, keep in mind that this is for simplicity and females can be just as narcissistic as males. He can be sympathetic.
Now you may be wondering: Why in the world would two different people find themselves attracted to each other in the first place?
This is a case of opposites attracting. They both have what the other person wants and when they come together, it creates a toxic attraction.
An empath needs someone who can care for him and the narcissist is able to sense that and use the empath by manipulating her for his own purposes. Narcissists can be very charismatic and can even pretend to love and care when they get what they want. At his core, the narcissist is a deeply wounded individual. Sometimes the disorder stems from early childhood experiences if they do not receive enough love and attention. They will therefore begin to crave attention and validation from others but will not be able to offer true love in return.
The empath, being the caregiver, can sense this underlying hurt and will want to do everything he can to help his partner. What they may not see is that the narcissist feeds on empathy like an energy vampire.
Related: How Empaths Use (And Narcissists Abuse) The 5 Love Languages Drastically Differently
Empathizing with all people, being very intuitive, they can often feel that their partner is a narcissist but it is not that simple.
An empath usually feels, on some level, that their partner is incapable of truly loving them truly. However, just like any abusive relationship, it can be very difficult to break out of the cycle of attraction and destruction. Anytime she is hurt, she will find herself isolated because the narcissist is clearly not someone with the ability to comfort her.
No matter how bad it gets, the compassion will continue because she believes she can heal him. She doesn’t want to leave him alone, a man who doesn’t have social skills like her, so what will come of it?
It is important for the empath to recognize that the narcissist is wounded to the point of no return. They simply do not have the innate ability to empathize. She must get out of the relationship before further abuse degrades her self-esteem and energy further. It won’t get better, it will get worse.
