Have you ever been left confused and wondering; why a narcissist has so many friends? Do you have a male or female narcissistic friend or suspect that your partner or family member has the disorder?

It seems that the average narcissist is never alone, with friends surrounded. There seems to be a long list of people that the narcissist knows in some way from different places. Moreover, such people are ready to spend time with a narcissist and generally speak positively about them.

Related : The Truth About Narcissists and Projection

If you are on the receiving end of a narcissist’s worst abusive ways, you may feel confused as to why more people cannot see the true face of this individual. While you practice ignoring a narcissist, others seek out and embrace their company. In this post, I will delve into the mystery of the popular narcissist, as well as why many narcissist friends manage to avoid the full fury of the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle.

The popular narcissist

Usually, when we meet a narcissist for the first time, they have many good qualities. There is warmth between people, which is difficult to get, a sense of self-confidence and charisma. The narcissist may also exude an air of mystery, which depending on your personality type, may be very attractive and alluring.

You feel that you have never met a person of this type before and are glad to have him in your life. However, these golden days do not last long, as strange behaviors begin to escalate. A narcissist may be always on their phone, calling or messaging a group of individuals. It’s as if they can’t relax or enjoy the moment unless they are walking at a frantic pace around the clock. If you are trying to develop a close relationship or friendship with this person, then this is very annoying.

Very worse than that, however, is that the narcissist starts bragging about the amount of friends and supposed popularity. According to them, everyone they know is a “great friend” to them who also happens to be very well-connected. Over time, the so-called Popular narcissist may develop a pattern of slandering you, asking why there are no more friends or who your “friendship group” is. At this point, you may have been left feeling uncertain, wondering if you, too, should be rallying friends like you’re back on the school playground. Even the thought feels exhausting.

Narcissistic friendship: an addiction

So, what’s going on? Why do narcissists have so many friends? And how does all this relate to the Narcissistic Abuse Cycle? As discussed in other publications, the true self of a narcissist usually stops developing under the age of 5 years. This means that the narcissist has no real personality or identity. To compensate, the narcissist creates a false self, which is whatever the narcissist sees himself or herself not to be. For example, if a narcissist considers their true self to be weak, they will present strong through their false self.

The problem is that the false self is not self-sustainable; it needs constant energy from others to survive. The narcissist’s goal is to surround himself or herself with people who buy into the personality of the false self. Narcissists are extremely vigilant in assessing whether or not others are buying into their fantasy; the idea is for others to adore, with positive affirmations at all times. This is generally known as the narcissistic symptom, and it is vital for the narcissist’s survival and functioning. If you have ever tried to ignore a narcissist, you will know that this is not easy – nothing infuriates and hurts a narcissist more than feeling that he is not important to others.

When a narcissist has a low or insufficient supply, he or she is haunted by feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing, and an overwhelming sense of not being there. The inner world of those who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder is a cold, empty, dark, and barren void. In all essences, this world is dead, just like the true self of a narcissist.

With no positive emotional life force of their own, the narcissist seeks it in others as a form of pain relief. The narcissistic symptom is an addiction, and like all addicts, the more substance, the greater the temporary relief. Other people are reduced to objects and numbers, just a job service for the narcissist. So, why do narcissists have so many friends? This is a very controversial question, seeing people with narcissistic personality disorder unable to connect with others in an emotionally healthy way.

Related : Why You Don’t Love the Narcissist

However, the real irony and crux of the matter is; that if these so-called friends are not romantically involved with, or living with, the narcissist, they may continue to believe in the false self-delusion for many years to come. More often than not, this is incredibly frustrating for those who have been hurt in the cycle of cruel narcissistic abuse, perhaps because they knew the narcissist at close quarters.

Many are in awe of the narcissists and their easy popularity, wondering how such a larger-than-life person could exist. The narcissist makes a great effort to keep others at a comfortable arm’s distance, which means they don’t get a chance to see behind the curtain. If given such an opportunity, the illusion will be destroyed, and such a person will cease to exist in the life of a narcissist.

Last thoughts on why a narcissist has so many friends

The definition of a friend is:

‘A person with whom you have a bond of mutual affection, usually exclusive to sexual or family relationships.’

There is nothing mutual about any relationship with a narcissist. A narcissist is not capable of true affection towards anyone. Examining them, you realize that you did not have the affection that you once thought you had for the narcissist; the reason is that you never knew them. The question, which then arises, is; does a narcissist have any friends?