Serial cheaters cheat on their partners no matter what. It doesn’t matter how serious or healthy the relationship is, and it doesn’t matter how attractive, attentive, or sexually ambitious the partner is.
A serial cheater will cheat on someone unlucky enough to be in an intimate relationship with them. They will cheat on their spouses for many years; they will cheat in the early stages of dating; it doesn’t matter. Serial cheaters are prisoners of their motives-impulses that have coped with trauma and feelings of worthlessness are multiplying.
And while some feel guilty for their actions, it is usually not felt until they are discovered and face the damage they have caused. But once the dust settles, and the relational reset button is hit, they are given another chance, and they go straight back to cheating on their committed partner.
No matter how guilty they feel, serial cheaters have no impulse control.
Recently, in the news, it was reported that the husband of a very famous model (he had just given birth to her) repeatedly cheated on her. “Yes, he cheated on her,” said an anonymous source. “He’s a serial cheater.”
This is nothing new. There have been highly publicized cheating scandals throughout history in politics, business, and the entertainment industry. What these scandals have proved is that cheating has absolutely nothing to do with appearance, strength, or success. Serial cheaters don’t cheat because their partner isn’t successful or attractive enough. They constantly cheat for many reasons that have nothing to do with their partner and everything related to them.
What is serial cheating?
I could not make a clear definition of myself. In my unprofessional opinion, serial cheating is an established pattern of engaging in sexual relationships without your partner knowing, that your partner would not be okay with knowing. It puts your partner’s health (both physical and mental) at risk.
Signs and characteristics of a serial cheater
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None of the points below guarantee that you have been cheated on or that you are with a serial cheater. But I feel like these types work in very predictable ways. And many common denominators regarding the signs that you are with a serial cheater and the characteristics of one of them.
They admitted to cheating in previous relationships. A recent study at the Department of Psychology at the University of Denver found that a person who cheated on a partner was three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship.
When they go through their relational history, they say that every ex has cheated on or wronged them.
They are always the victim. Because of that, they have trust problems and/or fear of commitment.
When it comes to attachment styles, they are avoidant.
They are very jealous, or they encourage you to go "do your own thing" and have a separate life from them to the point that something feels disconnected and off.
They pervert and accuse you of cheating on them, lying to them, betraying them.
They like the bomb at first (and also when they are not good and want to divert your attention from its unavailability physical or emotional).
She caught them in lies and began to think that they could be compulsive or pathological liars.
They are obsessed with their appearance, and image and achieving external verification.
They ask for a break or an open relationship out of the Blue.
Sex feels more performed than intimate and connected.
Your friends and family don't trust them or have a good feeling about them.
You constantly feel on edge, dysfunctional, not enough, too much, and anxious around them.
They are triangulating. With a serial cheater, it's never just you and them. It's always You, them, and someone or something else (it could be a hobby or a job) that you feel you have to compete with for the simplest relational necessities.
They protect their phones strangely.
They are very active on social media even though they don't post much.
They are unable to take responsibility.
They are narcissists.
They act on emotional and selfish motives.
They have no respect for your boundaries but they expect you to respect theirs.
They are sympathetically bankrupt.
They have sociopathic inclinations.
They are the main gas workers and manipulators.
You end up apologizing to them after bringing up something they did that hurt you. They make you feel bad for the humane response to inhuman conditions.Why do serial cheaters cheat? Is it really because their partner is not enough?
I think the best way to answer this question is to share my personal experience. When we get cheated on, it’s almost impossible not to take it personally. But before you decide to subscribe to a very destructive, limiting, and false story, hear me out.
I was tricked. And, although not a serial cheater, I have been a cheater.
I have cheated on the most incredible, kind, attractive partners in every direction. I’m ashamed of that. But I did it, and I learned.
And that it was not once any relationship with my partner is not enough.
It had to do with my feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing, insecurity, UN-coping with the trauma of my childhood, avoidance, denial, delusion-pursuing directly, and trying to fill the void inside me that only having the courage to look in the mirror ideals can fill.
I’m no better or worse than anyone else. I just finally, finally looked in that mirror.
Serial cheaters don’t believe in mirrors because introspection requires them to feel the pain of what cheating is temporarily numbing.
When I shared this on social media, one of the readers wrote to me: “Thank you very much for your transparency. I cheated on my ex, and he was very much, as you mentioned in your situation, a kind, loving, honest, attractive human being in every direction. The biggest mistake of my life. I can’t get how deeply I know that I hurt this person. And yes, it was about me, and unhappiness I didn’t know how to ask my partner to support me at work. Thank you very much for your honesty and humility.”
Whether you are in a relationship with a serial cheater or someone who has cheated but is not a serial cheater, I have found that cheating has something to do with the cheater.
Serial cheaters need validation as we all need oxygen.
And they get it by feeling sexual desire, attractive, and basically, in high demand. As small children, they were given conditional love based on superficial appearance – their appearance, achievements, charm, ability to be what they need (in exchange for knowing who they are Native), etc. Love, encouragement, and support were not given to them unconditionally when they needed it most (as a developing child). Perhaps they were also betrayed by an adult whom they trusted.
Related : Is He A Narcissist? The One Thing You Need To Know About Your Ex
Serial cheaters are in an endless search for the world to see in them what they cannot see in themselves. And because they cannot take advantage of their inherent value, they work exclusively from their ego.
Can a serial cheater be changed?
I am a firm believer that anyone can change. But to make a deep and lasting change, you need to be able to self-reflect instead of deviate. You need to change matters at the risk of losing anyone or anything.
You can’t save them from themselves, you can’t make them sympathize with you. They should want it for themselves, first of all.
