Because narcissists have difficulty generating self-worth from within, they need to get it from others. So they lie.

They lie about their skills, abilities, and accomplishments.

Their goal is to receive compliments, praise, attention, and admiration from others to bolster their self-esteem (known as “narcissistic supply”).

Numerous studies have confirmed this. In one 2014 study, researchers looked at the motivations for lying among people who had one of the “dark triad” personality traits—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

They found that narcissists lie for self-gain. Specifically, their lies revolved around popularity, dominance, and appearance issues.

In another study, 100 Facebook users were given tests for narcissistic personality traits, as well as self-esteem.

Their Facebook pages were then independently analyzed to see how much “self-promotional content” they contained (content that aims to present themselves in a positive light to others).

They found that higher levels of narcissism and lower levels of self-esteem predicted more self-promotional content.

These studies illustrate the general pattern behind narcissists’ lies – the goal here is to get this admiration, this narcissistic supply, from other people, to build their self-esteem.

However, as many victims of narcissistic abuse will attest, this is not the only type of lie that comes out of a narcissist’s mouth.

NarcissistsLiesToControlYou

Control is very important to the lying narcissist. Again, this comes from the need for narcissistic supply.

They need control to put themselves at the top of the social totem pole.

Lies help them control what people think of them and how people around them behave.

Once this type of control is achieved, the narcissist has the upper hand, and they have complete freedom to satisfy themselves. They can give in to their desires as they please.

For example, a narcissistic spouse might engage in adultery, then lie about who they were with

“I was with Bob from work, why are you accusing me? I was just at the bar!”

If you start to press the issue, the lies may escalate into manipulation.

This is where the narcissist makes you question your own perceptions and memories of what happened

“I told you last week I was going to meet Bob. Don’t you remember? Your memory is so bad!”

At this point, you’re questioning your own sanity.

“Did he say that? He seems so sure of it. Maybe I just forgot…”

Now you’re in a bad spot—once you’ve been deceived, you’re relying on the narcissist to sort out the supposed truth from the lies—and they’re the ones who deliver both.

This type of deliberate, calculated lying is more common among people with malignant narcissism, which is a kind of crossover between narcissism and psychopathy.

Malignant narcissists show little to no empathy, and they often lie and abuse not just to gain control, but because they enjoy it.

Does a Narcissist Believe Their Lies?

It really depends on the type of lie they’re telling.

In July 2020, Donald Trump bragged in an interview with Fox News about a “very difficult” cognitive test that he apparently “aced.”

Related : Can a Narcissist Change?

It turns out that the test was the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, a test for cognitive decline.

Getting a high score doesn’t mean you’re mentally superior, it just means you don’t have significant impairments in abilities like memory and attention.

It’s the kind of test where they take away your driver’s license if you don’t get 100%.

So Trump’s boast was a clear lie. But his thought process probably wasn’t “I’m going to lie about the test and make people think I’m superior.”

More likely, his thought process was something like “Since I’m a stable genius, the test must have been a very difficult test.”

When it comes to lies that exaggerate self-esteem—the kind of lies that align with how narcissists like to see themselves—they will likely believe them.

It would be very difficult for them to believe otherwise, because that would mean taking a peek at their true self-worth—something narcissists seek to avoid.

But it’s a different story when it comes to the more manipulative type of lies we just discussed.

In these cases, the narcissist is likely to know that he or she is lying and is doing so consciously.

A 2018 study from Ariel University in Israel found a correlation between narcissistic personality traits and how people say they lie.

They also found that narcissists not only admit to lying more, but they also believe that they are better at lying than others (and there may be some truth to that—practice makes perfect, after all).

So this study suggests that narcissists tell some lies that they know are lies—lies that they don’t believe themselves.

AreNarcissistsPathologicalLiars?

If you have a narcissist in your life who lies constantly, whether to boost their ego or to manipulate you, you may be wondering, do narcissists lie all the time?

Are narcissists pathological liars?

The answer to this question is probably no. Pathological liars, in general, lie compulsively.

And when they see an opportunity to lie, they can’t resist it.

There’s some evidence that this is due to abnormalities in the brain, perhaps due to certain personality disorders, head injuries, or hormonal imbalances.

Think of it this way—in any conversation, the brain is working in the background, coming up with things you might say next.

Many of these potential responses will be lies. However, in most people, there’s a filter that blocks out lies—except in certain circumstances (the white lies we talked about earlier, or perhaps the occasional black lie, in moments of weakness, or to avoid shame or punishment).

Pathological liars lack this filter, so the lies just flow.

There’s no strategy, no rhyme, no reason. They can’t stop them.

With narcissists, as we’ve seen, there’s usually a reason for the lie—and sometimes even a deliberate manipulative strategy.

So while narcissists lie a lot, a lying narcissist isn’t a pathological liar, strictly speaking.

But if that’s the case—if there’s a reason for the lies—do narcissists feel bad about lying?

Can a Narcissist Feel Regret for Their Lies?

The boring answer here is “it depends.”

Think of regret as a social glue that helps keep people together.

When you start doing something negative to someone else, regret kicks in, and you feel bad, which discourages you from doing something like that in the future.

This helps you avoid alienating people so that you can enjoy better relationships with the people around you.

So, in order to feel regret for something you’ve done, you have to understand the consequences of your actions on others.

This requires empathy—the ability to feel what others feel in a given situation.

Unfortunately, many narcissists exhibit low levels of empathy. In these cases, they don’t feel bad about hurting others.

The remorse “circuit” may be present in the narcissist’s brain, but without empathy, it’s not activated.

Now, not all narcissists are low in empathy, and even in those who are, “low” doesn’t mean “zero.”

So it’s possible that narcissists will feel some remorse at times.

But that may not be enough to make a difference in how they act toward you. For more on this topic, see my related article: Can a Narcissist Really Apologize.

HowToDealWithA NarcissistWho’sLying?

We’ve covered the “what” and “why” of narcissistic lies, now let’s talk about how to deal with them.

The first and perhaps most important step is to get a good picture of the relationship with the narcissist.

As we’ve talked about, it can be difficult to separate fact from fiction when dealing with narcissists, especially high-functioning narcissists.

Do you find yourself questioning your own senses, memories, and perceptions?

Do you have a fundamental sense that something is “not right” in the relationship, feelings that they can convince you to walk away from?

If so, you may be caught in a web of lies. It may help to get a second opinion, from someone who doesn’t know the narcissist or a counselor who specializes in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

This can give you a basis in reality, as someone looking in from the outside can see things very clearly that you can’t.

Even if you’re already certain that you’re being lied to, it can help to seek outside support, which can give you more emotional strength.

Next, try to carefully assess the situation. Lying and manipulation are forms of emotional abuse, and they’re not something you should feel like you need to accept.

If you’re being abused in this way, it’s time to consider leaving the narcissist.

Wait a second, just walk away? Shouldn’t you consider confronting them about their behavior?

ShouldYouConfrontANarcissistAboutHisLying?

Since some narcissists have a way of putting you under their “spell,” so to speak, you may harbor a strong and genuine affection for them, even despite their abusive behavior.

So you might hold out hope,

“If you confront them, maybe they’ll see the error of their ways. Maybe they’ll change.”

Unfortunately, that outcome is highly unlikely. Confronting a narcissist often leads to more of the very behavior you’re trying to avoid.

Remember, narcissists are masters at lying, and they’re probably very good at lying to you. Once you initiate a confrontation, you’re in their world.

It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve been caught lying, and it’s very likely that they’ve trained their way out of this situation.

Related ;: Is Your False Twin Flame a Narcissist? How To Spot The Difference?

Rebecca Zong has a nice post explaining what often happens when you catch a narcissist lying, which she breaks down into four parts:

Denial: They may simply deny that they lied, or deny that your version of events is the truth (which can lead to manipulation).

Distraction: With narcissists, there’s always someone else to blame, and they may even see their actions as justified—“I’m just doing it because I love you!”

Devaluation: In a firefighting tactic, they may shift the blame onto you, using criticism and denial to lower your self-esteem, making it harder for you to continue the confrontation.

Dismissal: They may try to divert the conversation, change the subject, and find excuses not to talk about it.

The bottom line is that confrontations probably won’t go the way you hope.

A better approach is to set boundaries around behavior you won’t accept: “If you continue lying to me, I’m going to end the conversation.”

That way, you’ll stand up for yourself without being dragged into their world.

It’s worth repeating that finding some support, then seriously considering ending the relationship, and how you’ll do it.