Narcissists often return after discarding someone for several reasons, mostly rooted in their desire to maintain control and feed their ego. Here’s a breakdown of why this happens:
1. Supply Replenishment
Narcissists feed off attention, admiration, and emotional energy—commonly referred to as “narcissistic supply.” After discarding someone, they may realize that their supply isn’t as fulfilling from new sources, leading them to return to past partners for emotional fuel.
2. Control and Power
For narcissists, relationships are about maintaining control. Returning after discarding someone allows them to reassert their dominance. By coming back, they remind their former partner of their power, which boosts their sense of importance.
3. Testing Boundaries
Narcissists often push boundaries to see how far they can go. Returning after discarding someone is a way to test whether the person is still under their influence. If the individual allows the narcissist back into their life, it confirms their ability to manipulate and control.
4. Fear of Abandonment
Despite their grandiose exterior, many narcissists fear abandonment. By returning, they alleviate this fear by proving to themselves that they can still have access to the person they discarded. The return serves as a self-assurance that they won’t be left alone.
5. Boredom or Convenience
Sometimes narcissists return simply because they’re bored or the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. They may view old relationships as a convenient way to pass time, especially if other options aren’t immediately available.
6. Emotional Manipulation
A narcissist may return to elicit sympathy or regain emotional control. They might feign remorse or regret to pull the person back into their web, only to discard them again once they’ve regained what they wanted.
7. Reinforcing the Cycle
The discard-come-back pattern is part of the toxic cycle of narcissistic abuse. It keeps their partner in a state of confusion, never knowing when the narcissist will return or leave. This instability can make it harder for the individual to break free.
Narcissists return after discarding someone not out of genuine love or care, but for selfish reasons. Understanding this pattern can help individuals recognize the need for strong boundaries and emotional detachment. Recognizing their return as part of a toxic cycle is essential to avoiding further manipulation and emotional harm.
