Narcissists are cruel and heartless people, right? Well, for the most part, they are.

But sometimes, their behavior can be confusing. They’re cold and aloof one moment, but overly friendly the next.

Sometimes, they may shower you with compliments. This leaves you stunned.

Earlier in the day, they were angry and lashing out at you, calling you every bad name in the book. Now, they’re talking about how amazing you are.

What’s going on? Well, it turns out that the narcissist is charming and friendly at times!

ComplimentingYouMayServeThem

Since narcissists enjoy taking advantage of others and making them feel inadequate, they may sometimes offer compliments.

Related : 5 Things to Expect When You Break Up With The Narcissist

Why do you ask? Well, because it serves their needs! If complimenting you gets the narcissist closer to something they want, they don’t see anything wrong with talking nicely to you.

Some Common Reasons Why Narcissists Offer Compliments

When a narcissist offers compliments, you may feel suspicious. You may wonder why they would do that, especially if they’re not particularly nice.

This may seem out of character for a narcissist, but a narcissist will offer compliments for one or more of the following reasons.

They’re Manipulating You

Narcissists will use their charm to manipulate you, and they have countless reasons to manipulate you.

Maybe they’ve been a little mean lately, and they’re worried you won’t want to deal with them anymore. Now, they need to work to regain your trust.

They may offer a compliment or two to make it seem like they’re genuinely kind and caring.

Once they’ve offered you a few compliments, you’ll feel safer with them again, and your defenses will drop. This allows them to maintain control over you.

They Want Something

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, realize that they feel entitled to use you to get their needs met. They’ll do everything they can to get you to give in, including complimenting you.

Related : Why are narcissists mean for no reason?

So, say they want you to do them a favor or lend them money. Before they ask you, they will go on and on about how great you are.

This is just an exploitative tactic. They know that if they make you feel good about yourself, it will be hard for you to say no.

TheyMakeYouDependantOnTheirAffection

Narcissists are selfish, manipulative, and exploitative, but that doesn’t mean they’re always bad.

After all, if they were terrible to you 100% of the time, you wouldn’t want to deal with them!

So, they give you compliments here and there to make you dependent on their affection. They will give you compliments to make you feel special and appreciated.

Over time, you become dependent on these compliments. The problem is that they will give you fewer and fewer compliments as the relationship goes on.

Sometimes, they will offer you some breadcrumbs to keep you interested in the relationship.

TheyMakeAShow

Narcissists don’t want to reveal their true colors, so they have to put on a good show in front of others. If you’re in a public setting, this means they will give you compliments to put on a good show.

This behavior can be quite shocking, because they are usually very bad behind closed doors. In public, they are a completely different person.

They are complimenting you so that they can appear to be a good partner. This allows them to maintain the facade of being kind and trustworthy.

Related : The difference between narcissists and idiots/jerks

Unfortunately for you, since the narcissist is on his or her best behavior in public, people may not believe you when you reveal how terrible the narcissist is to you in private.

They Want Narcissistic Supply

Narcissists rely on supply to feed their ego. This means they need your attention and admiration.

What better way to do this than by giving you compliments? When a narcissist compliments you, you feel good about them.

This makes you more likely to return the favor and say something nice to them. When this happens, your attention and compliments feed their ego and fulfill a vital need.

They Need to Keep Them Confused

Narcissists rely on your confusion and disequilibrium to maintain their power over them. One way they do this is by providing intermittent reinforcement.

A compliment is a form of intermittent reinforcement. Let’s say the narcissist has been very critical and harsh for a few days.

You’re now feeling hostile toward them, and you’re not sure whether or not you want to deal with them. This is the perfect time for the narcissist to start dishing out some compliments.

Now you’re confused. Wasn’t he treating you badly just a few days ago? You start to question yourself. You might be imagining things that aren’t really that bad.

This is exactly what a narcissist wants you to be: confused, questioning your reality. This makes it easier to control you.

Feeding Their Superiority Complex

Narcissists need to feel superior to others. One way they can sustain this feeling is by associating with other people they see as powerful, successful, and attractive.

So, if a narcissist is overly complimentary, they may be using you to feed their feelings of superiority. When they compliment you, they feel like they’re interacting with someone really special.

Related : How Narcissists Control You With Positivity

This allows them to continue to feel superior, as if they only associate with unique and wonderful people. Their ego needs this badly!

TheySubtleFoolYou

Narcissists trick you into questioning your perception of reality. They want you to feel like you’re losing your mind, so you accept their ridiculous behavior.

One way to deceive is to offer compliments, so that they appear to be a good person. Let’s say you’re upset with the narcissist, and you blame them for their bad behavior.

You might tell them that they were unfair to you, or remind them of how much they hurt your feelings with some kind of comment or oversight.

Instead of admitting their mistake and offering a sincere apology, the narcissist will start giving you a lot of compliments.

This is their subtle way of deceiving you. By offering compliments, they are acting the opposite of how you accuse them of acting.

Related : Why Narcissists Don’t Like Sick People

Now, you ask yourself. Maybe you’re the problem, you wonder?

Commonality: Core Motives

You may have noticed a pattern here: Narcissists give compliments because they have a core motive.

Whether it’s to raise their status, get a favor, or manipulate you so they can stay in control, their compliments come with strings attached.

Non-narcissists give compliments because they genuinely value others and want them to know it. Narcissists, on the other hand, give compliments when they’re self-serving.

A compliment is part of a narcissist’s larger agenda of getting you to meet their needs for attention, admiration, and whatever else they feel they deserve. You may survive unscathed if you can take their compliments with a grain of salt.