“Hey, you know, I’m not okay with what happened there. Can we please talk about it, and clear things up?”…
… This is something you never hear a narcissist say!
I mean, imagine for a moment how peaceful and open your life would be if you were communicating with others in this wonderful way!
No. Narcissists are like one of those really old phones that only have 2MB of data. They hold on to that much, and after that, you can forget about it.
Related : How to prevent dating yet another narcissist?
Why exactly do narcissists give the silent treatment instead of communicating their needs or thoughts in a more healthy way?
Where do I start…
”What?”
Signs of the silent treatment
A narcissist may be talking to everyone else in the room—except you.
Why? What did you do?
Instead of enjoying the night, you become addicted to how they treat you.
You worry about what you did out of turn.
You dread the drive home.
Sometimes, a narcissist can turn the most innocent, simple, fun moments from hot to cold. They have no reason – they don’t care. They can change everything in a heartbeat if things are going well.
If a narcissist wants something – you can bet they’ll get it from you or from you by manipulating their mood towards you. Silence can sometimes be a trick for you to give in.
They want to go somewhere and you don’t? They’ll withdraw until you give in.
You’d be surprised how many people will give up on their beliefs or desires for a quiet life when in reality they are – why should it be one or the other?
But…. Why do narcissists do this?
I don’t want to give you anything other than the truth. It may sound harsh, but the reasons for the narcissist’s silent treatment are unjustified, yet they cause a lot of pain.
Related : Why do narcissists give you compliments?
Let’s take a look at the top six reasons why this happens…
Responsibility? Them? No!
If you’re trying to hold a narcissist accountable for something they did (or didn’t do), they’ll react to your “confrontation” with abuse. This can be hidden behind the silent treatment.
Basically, this means taking the spotlight you shine on them, and shining it back on you. It’s not about what they did wrong, it’s about how you’re hurting their feelings by questioning them.
For you – it’s uncomfortable, so what?
Well – you’ll probably end up apologizing for upsetting them.
No responsibility.
punish!
Let’s bring some honesty to the conversation here. It doesn’t take much for you to upset a narcissist. They’ll find fault with almost everything you do. Watch them love watching you try to explain your way out of something you thought was perfectly innocent.
The silent treatment is their unspoken, “If you do this again, this is what will happen.”
Yes, of course. You won’t do it again because you don’t want to feel that way again.
The short-term goals a narcissist sets exert long-term influence and power.
pokeandnudge
Why should a narcissist be the only one who feels this bad? No, you may not think they do, but they do. Reminding them of this through someone else’s actions or words will automatically set the stage for the silent treatment.
Related : Will narcissists ever feel the pain they inflicted to others?
Narcissists can respond by provoking you with their silence. You can create a scene by asking them what’s wrong; they love drama unfolding. Being quiet can give them a lot of satisfaction.
Remember, this ego is more fragile than eggs.
Codependency
Codependency is common in narcissistic relationships and even in family or friendship dynamics.
With codependency, there is no balance. The two people are not equal in what they give and take, and this can really live in the cycle of narcissistic abuse.
Idealization
Devaluation
Rejection
Love Bombing
It goes on and on, and each time you lose yourself a little bit more. Ignoring presents itself in this cycle as a form of devaluation and rejection. Communication changes and you are left wondering what is going on.
It is a confusing time, and you want to do everything you can to correct it.
This cycle of abuse is what drives the codependent personality. This is because each cycle comes with a loss of identity for the person dealing with it. They can make you feel like you are not good enough for anyone else, or that “no one else will want you.”
Yes, you believe it, because the narcissist is very skilled at pulling the strings.
Soon, you’re left stranded, unloved, unloved, or feeling like someone else in the future could love you either.
You’re dependent on them.
Goodbye, self-esteem…
Hiding low self-esteem helps make others feel negative about themselves.
Narcissists feel comfortable bringing people down to their level. The silent treatment is one way to do this.
Suddenly, their pain is lessened, because you feel it too. It’s like seeing someone looking forward to their driving license, and slashing their tires before they leave.
Related : How do narcissists spy on you?
I don’t like myself? Then you shouldn’t like yourself either!
I know it may be hard to believe because narcissists exude such confidence – but it’s all fake. They only have it in the first place because they steal it from people who are truly confident.
Control
I don’t need to tell you how much narcissists love control. They have serious issues with it, and they want as much of it as possible.
Think about when you go to the gas station and fill up your car. Thank God, right? You can drive away for a little while now and not worry.
Well, narcissists come with their empty souls to good, confident people and extract their energy to supply them.
This usually makes happy people feel less than, so they can feel better. They don’t know how to create that for themselves.
Narcissists can do this by giving you the silent treatment. When you react, they laugh inwardly and take what they feel is owed to them.
The worst part?
Once narcissists know they can do this once, this will be the tactic they use every time to get support from you.
You will be seen as an easy target and easy to predict.
It’s all about control and getting what they want from people. Don’t think you’re the only one either. You’re just one of many. After all, why put all your eggs in one basket, right?
