In his book Time Enough for Love , Robert A. Heinlein (via his character, Lazarus Long) said: “The competent, self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is always a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

If he’s right, this would make narcissistic personality disorder an interesting case when it comes to jealousy.

Narcissists are often competent in many areas of life, and they often do just fine in a capitalist world that eats the weak. They often appear to be quite self-confident.

On the other hand, self-confidence, arrogance, and self-assurance often mask a very fragile self-esteem.

Confidence is a facade—and it’s meant to cover up the kind of neurotic insecurity that Heinlein is talking about here.

Related : What is Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome? Signs, Symptoms and Recovery

So, does narcissistic personality disorder make people more prone to jealousy, or less so? And if it makes people more jealous, what might that lead to? Let’s explore why narcissists feel jealous.

Do Narcissists Get Jealous?

Before we continue, it’s important to point out the difference between jealousy and envy. While these emotions are similar, they’re not the same:

Envy is an unpleasant feeling we get when someone else has something we want.

So maybe you see someone who has a better car than you or a better relationship.

It reminds you of what you don’t have—something you crave. So you start to feel negative toward that person. That’s envy.

Jealousy is the emotional response to losing something we already have or feeling like we might lose it.

For example, if you see your partner dancing with someone else, you might feel jealous of that person because it’s drawing your partner’s attention away from you.

You might worry that they’re going to steal your partner away from you altogether. That’s jealousy.

Now, it’s long been thought that there’s a connection between narcissism and envy.

In fact, the Mayoclinic lists one symptom of narcissistic personality disorder as “envy of others and the belief that others envy them.” But what about jealousy?

If you find yourself wondering whether narcissists feel or experience anything in particular, the answer is almost always “yes.”

Narcissists think and act in ways that are counterintuitive, so it can be tempting to see them as not human. However, they are human.

They experience the same range of emotions that non-narcissists do (except in rare cases, usually in conjunction with other mental health disorders).

It’s just that the emotions in narcissists are triggered by different things, and they may be stronger or weaker than you would normally expect someone to experience in a given situation.

What Makes a Narcissist Jealous?

In 2016, a research study was conducted on the triggers behind jealousy in narcissists. They looked specifically at romantic relationships, and found two main reasons why — feelings of entitlement and self-esteem.

What’s interesting here is that they found an inverse relationship. In other words, the lower the narcissist’s self-esteem and sense of entitlement, the higher their jealousy levels.

If you think about it, there’s some logic here. On the one hand, it supports what Heinlein suggested earlier — that insecurity is a breeding ground for jealousy.

But feelings of entitlement also make sense — if you live in a fantasy world where you’re entitled to anything you want — including other people — why would you be afraid to lose them?

Do narcissists get jealous easily?

If this study is true, then a narcissist’s tendency to experience jealousy may depend largely on their emotional state.

Unfortunately, as you may have experienced, a narcissist’s emotional state is a fickle thing.

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can attack things that were never intended to cause harm – usually when the gap between the façade they put on and their true self underneath is exposed.

This is called narcissistic injury, and it is likely to leave the narcissist with low self-esteem. So after a narcissistic injury, we might expect narcissists to be more prone to jealousy.

However, another factor here may be the type of narcissist you are dealing with. Narcissism is not a single disorder, and psychologists sometimes divide it into two types:

Grandiose Narcissism: This is the “classic” narcissist, who fits the stereotype of the disorder – socially fearless, confident, grandiose, etc. This is the type most likely to come across as “like a narcissist.”

Vulnerable Narcissism: The vulnerable narcissist is similar to the grandiose narcissist on the inside – they still think they are special, and better than everyone else. However, their low “real” self-esteem tends to shine through more. They may seem shy and withdrawn at first, but their narcissism becomes apparent after you spend some time with them.

A 2020 study also looked at how these two forms of narcissism affect the tendency to feel jealous — and they also looked at how this relates to psychological abuse.

Their results showed that grandiose narcissists experienced less jealousy than vulnerable narcissists — although both types had a tendency toward psychological abuse of their romantic partners.

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, this last point won’t come as too much of a surprise.

However, they did find that jealousy was a major risk factor for vulnerable narcissists committing abuse.

So according to this study, the motivation behind abuse is a little different.

Grandiose narcissists abuse for the standard reasons — to gain control, maintain dominance, or boost their self-esteem.

They may experience jealousy, but it’s not a big deal to them, at least when they’re in a good mood.

But vulnerable narcissists are a little different. They are highly sensitive to threats to the relationship, which is why they get jealous so easily. Unfortunately, when they do, they are vulnerable to lashing out at their partner. This isn’t the only reason they might become abusive, but it is a trigger.

Are Narcissists Jealous of Their Victims?

A common question people ask is whether narcissists are jealous of their victims – the idea here is that jealousy towards someone can lead them to abuse them.

The first point is to remember the distinction between jealousy and envy. In this case, we’re not really talking about jealousy. We’re asking: Are narcissists jealous of their victims?

Related : How To Get Over a Narcissist? Follow These 5 Steps

It is possible. Envy of other people’s successes can lead to narcissistic injury:

The narcissistic mother, watching her daughter go through a youthful phase of life that she has long since left behind

The narcissistic husband, after his wife successfully achieves a promotion

The narcissistic manager, whose team member receives appreciation and praise from the CEO

It’s not just the event itself (e.g., a promotion) that can trigger jealousy in a narcissist—although that may be part of it—but the fact that it distracts from them.

This is exacerbated by the fact that some narcissists lack empathy, making it difficult for them to feel and share in the joy their victim is experiencing.

Some common signs that a narcissist is envious of their victim include:

They praise you for your success at first, but are unable to sustain it for long and quickly lose interest in talking about it

They try to outdo or outdo your accomplishments or achievements

They downplay your accomplishments and positive traits, especially if they are things the narcissist wants for themselves. They might say you were lucky to get the promotion, or that the new role isn’t that great anyway.

In extreme cases, they might try to evade – to subtly undermine your efforts to succeed (for example, by belittling you on interview day).

Do narcissists get jealous when you move on to someone else?

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be a bumpy ride. And leaving them can be just as hard.

Remember, narcissists need a certain amount of attention and admiration to maintain their self-esteem.

They also often view relationships transactionally – in terms of what they can get out of them.

So, if they’re in a relationship with you, it’s probably because they’re still getting their narcissistic supply from you. If you leave them, you’re cutting off that supply.

This isn’t the same thing as jealousy, but if you’re leaving to be with someone else, it can trigger jealousy, just as it can with anyone else.

Whether or not the narcissist gets jealous when you move on, the response can be very similar either way.

As Dr Judith Orloff of the University of California, told The Independent , if you decide to move on, expect pleading, manipulation and promises of change (all of which are likely to be tricks, says Dr Orloff). They may become abusive.

Can you make a narcissist jealous?

You might be thinking, why not take deliberate steps to make the narcissist jealous?

You might be thinking that this could be revenge for the way they’ve treated you.

As we’ve seen, if you want to know how to make a narcissist jealous, you don’t need to look any further than the things that make non-narcissists jealous.

Generally, this means triggering their fear of losing something, especially when their self-esteem is low. Here are a few points here.

First, be careful not to lower yourself to your abuser’s level and become one yourself.

As difficult as it may be to deal with a narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental illness. No matter how tempting or justified it may seem at the time, you may find yourself regretting these actions in the future.

Second, it’s not a wise course of action. Many narcissists live their entire lives playing out cycles of manipulation and abuse.

You won’t be able to beat them at their own game, and if they realize you’re intentionally playing games, you may accidentally feed them their narcissistic supply (they’ll think this shows you care).

Third, as we’ve seen, vulnerable narcissists may respond to jealousy with abuse.

Narcissists have mental disorders, which means they often act in an emotionally and reactive way. It’s best not to play with fire.

Why do narcissists make me jealous?

A large number of studies have shown that if you’re asking this question about a relationship partner, you’re not alone.

Researchers even have a name for it: relationship-threatening behavior.

In the case of narcissists, this type of behavior is usually designed to make you think they’re interested in someone else.

For example, a narcissist might flirt or dance with a relationship rival. They might start a platonic friendship with someone, perhaps someone who’s very attractive, or has some other attractive qualities.

They’ll spend time with their new friend — with or without you — and talk about them a lot — in warm, glowing terms.

While psychologists have known for some time that narcissists do this, the reasons why they do it are less clear. However, a 2017 study at the University of Alabama tried to find out.

They gave nearly 300 participants a series of questionnaires. One measured levels of two types of narcissism — grandiose narcissism and vulnerable narcissism, which we discussed earlier.

They gave follow-up questionnaires to measure how often people used relationship-threatening behaviors, and more importantly, why.

Related : What is Narcissist Triangulation And Easy 6 Ways To Stop It

The results showed a difference between the two types of narcissists.

Grandiose narcissists make their partners jealous to gain more power and control over them.

Vulnerable narcissists were a bit less focused on their motivations — they do it to gain power and control, too, but they also have other motivations:

Revenge: If you do something that upsets them (and that can be easy to do), they may try to make you jealous as a form of revenge.

Self-esteem: If you feel jealous of them, they must be important to you in some way. So your jealousy gives them a little boost to their low self-esteem.

Relationship test: Because narcissists often lack empathy, it’s hard for them to know how you feel. To get this understanding, they may have to elicit a more explicit response from you.

Security: They may also seek reassurance that your relationship is strong. This is a bit like crashing into a wall just to see how safe your car is. But narcissists’ actions are often emotional rather than calmly logical.

Why Do Narcissists Try to Make You Jealous on Social Media?

Of all the tools narcissists may use for their relationship-threatening behavior, social media is a favorite.

For example, they may post public messages praising or flirting with someone they think you’re jealous of, or post photos of themselves spending time with relationship rivals.

Why narcissists love these tactics isn’t entirely clear, but it probably boils down to the fact that they love social media in general.

This is well known to psychologists — more than 57 studies have found that narcissists tend to use social media more than non-narcissists.

Dr. Gwendolyn Seidman, a psychologist who researches narcissism, points out the (perhaps obvious) reason behind this – it gives them a way to brag!

So, narcissists may be trying to make you jealous on social media simply because they use social media a lot anyway, and because it’s an easy way to get an audience.

Have you ever had an experience with a narcissist getting jealous, or trying to make you jealous? Let me know in the comments below!