Narcissists may play the victim if they think they gain something from making you feel guilty. Their tendency to use manipulative tactics is one of the formal symptoms of a narcissistic personality.
Have you ever played the victim? If so, do you remember the emotional need you were trying to satisfy or express while doing this? The same applies to people with a narcissistic personality, but they may feel this way more often.
It may be difficult for you to think of a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as a victim or someone who feels like one.
After all, a person with a narcissistic personality is often viewed as someone with a great sense of self and an unlimited need for power.
So, what does it mean when a narcissist plays the victim? Is it on purpose? Is it a manipulation tactic? Do they really believe they are being victimized?
Narcissistic personality disorder — often referred to as “narcissism” — is a complex mental health condition and not at all a personal choice. There are many reasons why a narcissist plays the victim, and the type of narcissism he lives with may be one of them.
Narcissistic personality disorder and victim mentality
Research conducted in 2003 suggests that people with a high degree of narcissism may see themselves as victims of personal transgressions more than people without the disorder.
In a 2020 qualitative study, relatives of people with narcissistic personalities reported that their loved ones often displayed a victim mentality.
It is not always clear whether narcissists truly feel like a victim or are just playing the victim to adjust social interactions to their advantage.
If you are in a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder, you may have noticed that they lack self-awareness and self-reflection.
In general, people with narcissistic personalities have difficulty recognizing their behaviors and how they affect others. They may not be able to “see” it even when you point it out.
This is why they may feel attacked when you contradict them or tell them they did something wrong. This is inconsistent with their inflated sense of self.
This is part of the complexity of narcissistic personality disorder.
A tendency toward low introspection combined with an exaggerated sense of superiority may leave them unable to see a situation in a way that does not fit their worldview.
As a result, they may “play the victim” in some scenarios.
The reason why a narcissist plays the victim may be directly related to some of the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:
- Sense of entitlement
- Denial and lack of insight
- greatness
- prediction
- The need for control
- Narcissistic rage
- Low empathy
- But not everyone who plays the victim has a narcissistic personality. Not everyone with a narcissistic personality plays the victim either.
Here is more in-depth information on why narcissists play the victim:
Sense of entitlement
A person with narcissistic personality disorder may have a strong sense of entitlement. This means that they may believe that they are inherently deserving of special treatment, recognition, and privileges.
When things don’t go their way, they may react with anger and feel the need to blame others for “messing things up.”
A sense of entitlement may also lead someone with a narcissistic personality to believe that anything they do for you is the greatest.
If they feel they are not getting enough praise and appreciation for this action, they may act like a victim: “I can’t believe you’re acting like this after everything I’ve done for you!”
In this case, the narcissist may move from playing the hero to playing the victim.
Defensive machines
Everyone uses defense mechanisms in different circumstances and for different reasons. We don’t usually realize when a defense mechanism is activated but it serves a purpose.
Sometimes, it protects us from remembering painful experiences; Other times, it may help us deal with perceived threats to our identity, integrity, and sense of self.
People with narcissistic personality disorder may also use specific defense mechanisms to protect themselves from emotional pain.
Some people with this disorder live with delusions of grandeur. These are false beliefs about themselves that may make them feel like they are nothing less than superheroes and invincible.
Grandiosity is a similar defense mechanism whereby someone has a sense of power and self-importance, often not based on actual facts.
A person with a narcissistic personality may have developed these beliefs to compensate for traumatic childhood experiences.
For this reason, self-esteem built on these false beliefs may be what doctors call fragile. This means that it is likely to change depending on external factors.
If a person with delusions of grandeur or grandiosity is faced with a situation in which they are not seen as the hero they believe they are, they may justify it by saying that someone else is trying to hurt them.
This “bad guy” versus “victim” train of thought may serve to soothe their distress.
For example, they may believe that they are the smartest and most capable member of the team. But if someone else gets a raise or promotion, he thinks he deserves more, and this may be interpreted as jealousy of his boss.
“They’re nervous that I’ll eventually get a promotion, so they’d rather sabotage me and help someone else instead.”
Another common defense mechanism in narcissism is projection. This occurs when one person unconsciously “projects” their feelings or reality onto another person. “It’s not me, it’s them.”
For example, you may feel threatened in some way by a co-worker, but perceive the situation as being jealous of you.
Projection is not something you fake or pretend to be. You really believe it. In this case, projection may sometimes explain why narcissists play the victim.
For example, if a person with BPD is highly competitive to the point of sabotaging another person to get ahead, they may believe that the other person is trying to sabotage them.
For them, a difference of opinion expressed during a work meeting with their boss may be interpreted as an attempt by a coworker to hurt them. In this scenario, they may believe that they are a victim of someone else’s bad intentions.
