“Why do I miss him?”It’s something I kept asking myself after the relationship ended and the breakup followed. I even find myself wondering “Why do I miss him?!”When I’m on a date-I’m sitting opposite a very nice guy in a nice restaurant. My mind was thousands of miles away.
I was wondering “Why do I miss him?”When I was in a relationship with a new person.
A person has no idea how incomplete my emotional work is.
It seems that every song appeared, everything that happened or did not happen-every moment highlights the absence of what was.
My existence has become a constant return to the loss of my soul mate, the one. My only shot at Happily Ever After came and went.
What to do when you can not disperse with your memory?
Will the heartbreak and obsession ever end?
How do you deal with moving on while your heart is still with someone who has never closed up to you?
If you’re still wondering “Why do I miss him?”Here’s why + the only thing you need to know.
Why do I miss him? If he is emotionally unavailable, empathetically broke (and maybe narcissistic or worse), for example, Gaslight constantly, gave you mixed signals, lied to you, here’s why…
“Why do I miss him?”You miss him because you are convinced that if you turn around for a hot minute, he will “return” to the guy he was at the beginning and be with a new girl who is everything you are not.
Emotional unavailability is the root of all toxic relationships and emotionally unavailable partners are the hardest of all. Why?: At first, they show you by their actions that they are everything that you did not think existed and even more. As the relationship progresses, they realize that they cannot meet their needs with the same lack of responsibility, accountability, and empathy. So, the hot/cold game starts.
They recoil without explanation. And because they only take sides with partners whose self-esteem is low enough to give them the time of day/ignore all their red flags, they rely on knowledge that you will take personally. They know that you will freak out and think that you are “losing them” (you never had to start with them, they are not available). They know that you have to work hard and after that, be more grateful for any little crumb they decide to throw your way.
Toxic relationships are the ultimate sanity because no matter how badly you were treated during the relationship, you always have an “emotional-amazing-unlike anything ever,” honeymoon period in the beginning your heart/head/libido can never let go. If your self-esteem is low, this honeymoon period will always be the strongest memory loss of what you need to remember – the fact that your ex was, is, and will always be constantly inconsistent. You convince yourself that instead of unfolding and revealing who he is, he somehow “changed,” from a connected, empathetic, honest, and responsible guy to a detached jerk all because you weren’t enough. Breaking news: you and your perceived lack of value cannot change people from being at their core. If they did, you wouldn’t be reading this. You will be on the cover of Forbes magazine; all the best medical universities will study you. Your ex was this way before, with you, and will continue to be this way after.
“Why do I miss him?”You miss that you were with him.
All the happiness you felt when you were with him? His girl didn’t create that, she did. You can return to happiness again and you will do it. This brings me to the last point…
“Why do I miss him?”Since you are still very invested, you cannot see that it is not he who you have a problem overcoming as much as your expectations.
You need to break up with your expectations. It doesn’t take much to start thinking about and missing ex-everything reminds you of him. Engage in this enough time until it becomes habitual, and it will send a signal to your brain that your ex is not only a worthy person for the missing but will also take over your sense of reality.
This process pillars him as you sink less and less into the quicksand of avoidance and denial. Think about the reason why you continue to stay in a relationship with him is that you have chosen to tolerate his constant contradiction (we get what we tolerate), giving life to an idea; projecting to whom your heart needs to be. Then your relationship became more about spending energy in the name of making excuses, self-blaming, and taking things personally, rather than seeing things for what they are. The more you argue with what it is, the more you cockblock your innate ability to accept and take action. “Why do I miss him?”You miss the man that your projections have constructed; the idea of who you want him to be. You refuse to mourn the death of the person you thought existed. Why?: Because death and acceptance are painful and as human beings, we will sacrifice our intelligence to avoid pain. It is difficult and will ultimately require having to do two things that your lack of self-love has convinced you is impossible: accept and take action. Acceptance is scary because when you accept a person/relationship/attitude for what he/they are, you have no choice but to focus on what concerns you and who tolerates circumstances and treatment as long as you do. If she does not do this, she will continue to be emotionally hoarding and because emotional constipation will always be the result of hoarding, she will look for a laxative in the form of another toxic person and an amateur hour relationship. It’s time to tackle constipation and flush. If your ex was the kind of person your expectations convinced you of, he would have found a way out of your relationship without the Bachelor’s abundance and lack of decency.
Instead of convincing yourself that you were just this launch pad, this North Star for him that steered him in the direction of emotional, sexual, and relational prosperity, I want you to enjoy this…
