Do you dream about your ex every night?

What does it mean to dream about your ex? Have you ever wondered, “Why do I keep dreaming about my ex?”

Dreaming about your ex is the most mind-boggling thing because, in truth, dreams can mean anything. They’re open to interpretation and there’s never a definitive answer to what they mean.

Unless a breakup has caused heartbreak and long nights, there’s nothing worse than obsessing over your ex or stalking them all day, and then when you do manage to fall asleep, you can’t even get a good night’s sleep because… they show up.

I remember months after a particularly bad breakup, I finally started dating someone again and I felt (almost) like I was back to myself. There was still a level of loneliness and sadness, but it was manageable and for the first time, I felt like I was overcoming it.

Things made me laugh again, my appetite came back, I wasn’t feeling nauseous and cold all day, and I was slowly but surely moving on. I had “got it” and carefully sorted out the relationship. Yes, I would think about him now and then or look at his social media but it didn’t matter.

Then one morning, it all came crashing down. I woke up from a dream about him. It was a very vivid dream. I was shaking and in a cold sweat. Why was I dreaming about my ex? What did it mean?

There were times when I couldn’t even remember dreaming about my ex, let alone dreaming about my ex, and then… a friend who was sleeping with me told me that I was talking in my sleep (?!) and calling out my ex’s name (?!).

ICan’tBeAloneInThis.

What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Ex?

How Do You Make Sense of All This?

Looking back, I should have had my show called “Natasha Adamo: The Dream Interpreter.” I could have been the Cesar Milan of dreams. I wasted so much time that I’ll never get back, allowing my dreams to keep me stuck, invested, and ultimately, holding me back. I romanticized my ex-dream.

All it took was one dream, and I would interpret it with enthusiasm, in a Shakespearean accent, and with my mental quill pen.

What I learned is that it doesn’t matter in what context you dreamed about your ex. Maybe you had a sexual dream about him, or you dreamed that he cheated on you, embarrassed you, hurt you, or did whatever it was you always wanted him to do, maybe it was a funny dream or a scary dream… Whatever the case, it all ultimately means the same thing: trauma.

Dreaming about an ex is nothing more than your heart, your fears, your desires, your hopes, your reality trying to catch up with what is, what has been, and what has happened since.

I remember the first time I went to acupuncture, the acupuncturist suggested a “trauma release” treatment. It was the first time in my life that I cried profusely. I cried like a cartoon character. I thought and remembered things that I hadn’t remembered in years. I couldn’t drive home after that treatment. I fell asleep in my car for a few hours and then fell asleep again when I got home. The next day, I called my doctor to make sure nothing was wrong.

The doctor explained to me that when we experience trauma, the emotions associated with that trauma get trapped in our organs and tissues. If left untreated, this can lead to certain cancers and diseases within the body (for more on this, you can read Dr. Gabor Mate’s book, When the Body Says No: Understanding the Connection Between Stress and Disease, which is an amazing book). Acupuncture broke down and released all the emotions that were trapped in my body. That’s why I had the reaction I was having.

So, if emotional trauma can remain trapped within our organs and tissues, is it wrong to assume that it can remain trapped within our psyche? I don’t think so.

Continuing to dream about an ex is nothing more than your mind and heart trying to process the emotional trauma of loss, shock, disappointment, and betrayal (whether it was caused by yourself or by an ex).

I’m not downplaying the trauma or the reality of the actual dream. I’m emphasizing the importance of not romanticizing it and treating it as a “sign” that you need to investigate and act rashly.

What Dreaming About an Ex Doesn’t Mean

The biggest mistake I made was allowing the fact that I was dreaming about an ex to prevent me from growing and moving forward with my life.

Just because you’re dreaming about an ex, shouldn’t elevate your ex or give you the green light to “investigate further.” “This shouldn’t bother you or make you think that just because you’re dreaming about him, it must mean something.

It doesn’t mean anything.

It’s still toxic and you’re still looking for validation.

Trust me when I say that if he’s that great, you’re getting a lot more evidence of his greatness than just your dreams.

Dreaming about your ex means that you’ve been deeply affected and traumatized by him and your mind and heart are processing it as best they can.

Why Do I Keep Dreaming About My Ex?

You didn’t get proper closure in the relationship. We will never have a “perfect” closure. I don’t think there is one. If you feel like you didn’t get proper closure, use his unavailability and the fact that he’s incapable of having a mutual relationship to push you to finish your emotional sentence and create your own.
There are still feelings there. And that’s okay. You can honor those feelings without having to jump off your white horse and trick yourself into thinking the relationship is worth reviving. You don’t need to embarrass yourself and call him just because you had a dream.

You’re unhappy in your current life/relationship/job.

You’ve been on the FBI’s radar.

You’ve been subconsciously triggered by alcohol, drugs, someone else, yourself, a song, a movie, stress, social media, your best friend’s engagement, his engagement… the list goes on. Okay, you’ve been triggered. But that’s no good reason to drink the Kool-Aid “He was the love of my life and my happiness will never come back.”

Your ex is your ex for a very good reason, independent of any dream you have. Our dreams only have as much power and meaning as we choose to give them. Decide to disempower your ex’s dreams by surrendering to reality, putting one foot in front of the other, staying on your white horse, and knowing that you are part of a tribe here.