Sarah had always fallen for narcissists. With their magnetic charm and emotional intensity, they made other men pale in comparison. There was Ned, the aspiring actor, with his sparkling eyes and over-the-top flattery, who was so good at acting that she failed to see the cold reality beneath the surface. Then Andrew, the sensitive poet, won her heart with his romantic words and gestures, but became controlling and abusive, isolating her from her friends and exploding with rages that terrified her. And Eddie, the brilliant, brilliant businessman who dazzled her with his public relations and multimillion-dollar schemes. But beneath the charisma was a sense of entitlement. He used people, borrowed from family and friends, and nearly drained her bank account. These colorful, passionate, and exciting men brightened up her everyday life, sweeping Sarah into a romantic dreamland. But they also undermined her sense of self—suddenly everything revolved around them. They took her on an emotional rollercoaster ride. As her anxiety grew, she felt her life was spiraling out of control as romantic dreams turned into nightmares, leaving her feeling exploited and overwhelmed.
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 50-75% of people with narcissistic personality disorder are men—men who at first seem convincing, charming, and too good to be true, promising to fill our lives with excitement. But that excitement comes at a price: Narcissists have an insatiable desire for attention, lack empathy, exploit others, cannot tolerate criticism, and erupt in narcissistic rage when others fail to meet their needs (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).
If you meet someone who seems too good to be true and is intensely romantically attracted to you, take a moment to examine the signs.
