Key Points

Narcissists are likely to be very outgoing, want to be the center of attention, and are more annoying than others.

Researchers have found that narcissists tend to be more physically attractive than average.

Narcissists often play on others’ sense of fairness and desire to be liked to get what they want.

Are there signs of narcissism that you might notice in everyday conversations? Talking excessively about themselves is one sign. Talking about sexual adventures or other sexually charged topics is also common among narcissists. They are also more likely to talk a lot and to more people because of their strong, but superficial, social tendencies.

We all tend to believe that people can change—even though most of us think we’re fine the way we are. Unfortunately, the narcissists among us are the type of people who need to change their behavior, but unfortunately, they are also more likely to praise themselves loudly and fail to see any flaws in themselves that may be in dire need of major change. However, a recent research study by Holtzman, Vazire, and Mehe (2010) revealed that some signs reveal a person’s narcissistic personality tendencies.

Do narcissists have a telltale appearance?

Researchers have found that narcissists behave differently than those of us who are not very narcissistic. Narcissists are more likely to be highly extroverted than introverted. They love being the center of attention and go out of their way to get people to notice them. They get along with others, are eager to talk about themselves, and love it when a crowd gathers around them as they take center stage at a party, bar, or anywhere else they can “brand.”

Narcissists also tend to exhibit more annoying behaviors than the rest of us. They find it easy to complain about poor service at restaurants, be rude to others to further their desires, and treat others less than they would expect to be treated. Narcissists enjoy upsetting others because it gets them more attention and can bring them special treatment—something they believe they deserve. No matter how bad their behavior suggests they should be treated.

RulesSimplyDon’tApply

Narcissists frustratingly believe they are above the law, both figuratively and literally. They believe that the rules imposed on others have no place in shaping their behavior. Whether it’s the college-aged narcissist who ignores attendance policies or the narcissistic spouse who doesn’t believe that monogamy should govern their behavior outside of relationships, narcissists want to use rules to control and judge others while choosing to engage in deliberate disrespect for those same rules.

This sense of entitlement can be extremely maladaptive if the narcissist is trying to hold down a job, advance in his or her career, or excel in classroom settings. To “game the system,” narcissists will try to exploit a classmate who is tricked into covering for the narcissist or doing “routine work” to ensure the narcissist escapes the judgmental gaze of a boss or other authority figure.

Exploiting others is natural to narcissists. They are adept at constructing themselves in such a way that helping them is the most logical option for their followers or agents. They play on others’ sense of fair play and desire to be liked. Narcissists only want to be liked when they get something they want. Once they achieve their goals, they often dispose of the individuals who helped them get where they were headed.

Narcissists see others as “disposable” or “recyclable.” They are not interested in gaining loyalty from others once their goals have been achieved. Dropping or “deleting” former acquaintances or friends is not something narcissists would think twice about. People are seen as “tools” in their trade and narcissists are easily able to trade on the goodwill or efforts of others. The only relationship many narcissists will remain loyal to is the one with themselves. They value the story they create about themselves and their progress toward reaching the top of whatever imaginary ladder they are climbing. They never look at the rungs they have reached – they only look to the next rung and to the side to see who is in a position to help them climb higher.

Narcissists care about accomplishments, but they don’t value the substance of the accomplishment – ​​rather, what they believe the accomplishment will gain or give them. Impressing others with a list of accomplishments is more important than the meaning of the accomplishment. They are ticking boxes, not investing themselves in the meaning of the actions they take. It’s like an Eagle Scout who has no heart – or a trophy collector who doesn’t care about the animal carcasses they leave behind.

Why Are We Attracted to Narcissists?

If you’ve ever wondered why you’re attracted to a narcissist, the answer is quite simple. Narcissists engage in behaviors designed to attract us! They know how to attract others and before we have time to catch our breath and recognize the narcissist for who they are, we may already be under their spell.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, researchers have found that narcissists tend to be more physically attractive than average. This trait was also linked to narcissists’ tendency to be more sexually active and sexually coercive with potential partners. In evolutionary terms, it makes sense that narcissists would be more attractive because this is one of the traits that helps in seducing others; therefore, it is a trait that is likely to be passed down through subsequent generations of narcissistic pairings.

Narcissistic women are extremely attractive when you first meet them. They are adept at manipulating others, know what to talk about to gain positive attention, and know how to act to get others to notice them. Unfortunately for them—but fortunately for their prey—their unpleasant and unlikable behaviors often come to light not long after the game begins. This gives potential romantic partners or “tools” time to recognize the narcissistic behaviors for what they are. Less sophisticated people may remain fascinated by the magnetic narcissist and allow themselves to be convinced that the ugly behaviors are due to the narcissist’s unfair treatment by others. The uninformed victim, then, actually believes that his or her role is to defend, protect, and meet the needs of the narcissist, the person who has captured his or her attention. Codependency with a narcissist can develop if the narcissist can attract someone with low enough self-esteem that the faint praise they get from meeting the narcissist’s needs will raise their self-esteem enough to make the codependent position acceptable.

Narcissists Will Always Blame Others for Their Mistakes and Failures

While narcissists have an insatiable ego and immeasurable pride, they are incapable of taking responsibility for any of their failures. There is always, always, always someone to blame for their downfall. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, beware. The blame game often starts at home. No one can ever be “enough” for a narcissist and no narcissist will ever be “enough” for a healthy individual to sustain a real relationship.

Getting out of a relationship can be difficult, as narcissists will use every possible angle to try to keep a potential tool on their side. To maintain your emotional safety, you will need to allow them to blame you for the failure of the relationship, every negative event that occurred during the relationship, and a host of other perceived faults. Narcissists cannot tolerate blame or failure, so it is rarely satisfying to try to have a rational, adult analysis of things with someone. Maintain your dignity by acting in a way that reflects maturity and integrity. Narcissists do not regret the harm they inflict on others, but this should not encourage you to act in a way that drags you down to their level.