Brrrr. Who left the heat on?
Why did you leave the fire on?
Can someone pass me my jacket?
It’s cold, isn’t it? Life with a narcissist is cold, and sometimes when you think you might melt, the negative temperature front comes again.
It’s no joke, it’s a lonely place if you’re of a warm, kind, loving nature.
The question I get asked a lot is why. Why are they cold? What exactly is that?
Because I get asked this a lot, I wanted to ask you all.
There…ButNot
The lights are on, but no one is home, right?
This is what you might usually hear when someone refers to someone else as not being very smart, but it can also relate to narcissists.
Related : These 8 Things Make Covert Narcissists So Dangerous
The light in the house is on. It looks warm, but it’s not. It’s cold, and no matter what you try, nothing seems to be able to warm the house the way it should be.
You know, when I dive into the depths of narcissism, I can waste hours scratching my head wondering how narcissists—humans—can be so cold.
The idea of intentionally hurting others. Friends. Family. Husbands. Wives. Male friends. Girlfriends. Anyone.
It’s just completely dysfunctional.
AndOverTime?
When you’re faced with a narcissist, what makes the whole scenario even more problematic?
Time!
No one can tell me that a long marriage to a narcissistic spouse will be good for their health—emotional, mental, or even physical. It’s simply impossible.
Think about the cold for a minute.
Studies strongly suggest that a two-minute dip in ice water actually boosts your health. Inside and out. Great.
Would you stay in an ice bath for an hour? All morning? All day?
No, you wouldn’t—and no one recommends it!
The cold gets worse the longer you stay in it, and I’m being specific about using that to represent humans, too!
Soon, their cold feelings will be part of your daily life.
It will be the reason you give up so easily even if you try. It will be the reason you doubt yourself and your abilities.
Related : How to Stop Ruminating About Your Narcissist Ex?
The narcissist’s cold feelings will be what makes you sick in the end.
MoreEffortToImpressStrangers… Why?!
Have you ever noticed how the narcissist in your life is more eager to please strangers than you are?
I don’t need to know what you are to the narcissist, but I do know that you’re not a stranger. Yet the narcissist is there, vying for the attention and trust of someone they’ve never met before over you.
In fact, you may not even be there while they’re drawing this conclusion—you’re irrelevant.
Narcissists love to make first impressions. They want to win people over, and if a stranger walking by will only see them for thirty seconds, they want to make those thirty seconds count.
Why?
So they assume the stranger is thinking:
What a nice person!
What a great dad!
What a super mom!
What a fun person!
They were so friendly!
I wish I knew them!
This is so the stranger can go home and remember what a great encounter they had—and how the narcissist made it so.
They don’t need to impress the person they’re abusing…
They’ve already been through it.
TheyDon’tKnowWhatLoveIs
That doesn’t mean they ever wanted to know.
In fact, I’d bet that all narcissists as children were desperate for love and attention and never got it. And if they did get it, it was based on mundane scenarios.
The desire for love and the lack of a healthy dose of it leaves anyone with no idea what it really is.
Even the most compassionate people craved it as children and probably had to fight hard to get a piece of it in return. It’s no surprise that they see the narcissists’ seductive behavior.
But what about narcissists?
Narcissists don’t know what love is, and they’re afraid to find out. As a result, they do their best to push love away after a certain point, when it starts to get too deep.
Related : 4 Things You Can Learn From Narcissists and Eye Contact
So every time you try to reach out to them and get close to them, they won’t want to know.
Every time you act sweet and tell them how much you love them, they’ll scoff and shrug and say things like, “You know how I feel about you, why do you need me to tell you every day?”
Yes, you’ll feel completely frustrated. You’ll ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?”
No, I assure you!
A narcissist is cold and does everything he can to stay in that cold water. He’s not interested in getting warm because that means one thing…
weakness? Forget it
You guessed it!
Weakness is where you won’t find narcissists making themselves at home.
I’m going to give you a little insight into true weakness through a story.
Jennifer was a narcissist, not that she told you that. She loved not being alone, but she hated being vulnerable with anyone she was with.
Once, Jennifer really fell in love with a guy named Steve, as much as her narcissism would allow.
She let him in, and she found herself really caring about this guy who made her feel special. Although she hated to admit it publicly, she enjoyed his company.
One day, Steve decided he wanted to leave and go on a trip. Jennifer couldn’t go because she had her own business and couldn’t leave him behind.
Steve was gone anyway.
The pain Jennifer felt when someone she loved left her brought her back to the same emotional pain she felt as a child. Her parents were never home, and she hated being sad about that more than being left alone.
From then on, she promised herself that she would never love, or allow herself to be vulnerable enough to feel that pain again.
You know, what Jennifer’s story should tell you is that narcissists are cold people because they don’t want to remember how they felt as children.
Related : What Happens When You Go Grey Rock on a Narcissist?
It was so painful.
FeelingAloneInThis
Every victim feels alone in their relationship because their needs weren’t being met.
The need to:
- Be loved
- To be appreciated
- To be valuable
- To be worthy
- To be fulfilled
- To be true to
- To be loyal to
- To be happy with
Narcissist’s coldness will ruin all of those desires – and no matter how hard you try – you will never get them.
