If you asked me ten years ago what profession I want to be in for the rest of my life, I would have answered “school teacher.”
That’s exactly what I was doing ten years ago.
After working in the banking industry for years, I am starting to feel very empty. While I made good money and enjoyed decent benefits, the fact of the matter was that I hadn’t done anything noble. I did not leave behind a legacy that I will be proud of when I grow up.
One day I realized banking was no longer for me when I found myself eight months pregnant and sent a box of bank subscription forms on a dummy to a local business as part of my job. I was selling my soul to a company that had no interest in me as an individual, and there I was pitching their products to people who didn’t need them.
That’s when I decided to go back to college to become a teacher.
It was hard at first. I stayed full-time at my banking job, enrolled in college full-time, and raised my two older boys and their new baby brother. On top of that, I had just left my abusive marriage.
Looking back now, realizing it all must have been divine guidance. I’m sure it was.
How it all began
Those of you who have followed me for a while or worked with me probably know that I started teaching my students in Egypt. I was still with my narcissistic ex-wife and left everything behind to be his second wife and complete my training in his country.
I was very codependent and thought I was doing the right thing for the son we shared. Can you imagine? I agreed to be a second wife!
Anyway, during my tenure as a teacher of students at AIS Egypt, the first political uprisings began, and all American citizens were evacuated. (In true narcissistic fashion, my ex-boyfriend said the uprisings began because I wanted so badly to go back to the States. As if my sheer will alone instigated the riots and subsequent evacuations!)
I have completed the requirements to teach my students in the United States.
About six months after I moved back in, I got my apartment, moved out of where I was living with the narcissist, and filed divorce papers for him. His response was to quit his job and return to his country, thus giving away his only son who was only 20 months old at the time.
I have taught in the local public school system for three years. To make ends meet, I taught during the day and taught after school. Even though I was constantly exhausted, my newfound freedom made it all worth it.
Fast forward three years. I loved my students. I loved teaching. But because of SOL and the shady practices of the school administration, I knew I couldn’t stay in that profession. I started thinking about alternatives.
Back home, I started a blog as a way to express my creativity. However, I haven’t yet begun writing about narcissism because after visiting several therapists, I was told I would just need to create better boundaries and my marriage would be better. It seemed like no one could help me with my debilitating acute stress symptoms and intrusive thoughts, so I took matters into my own hands. I began working on healing my self-esteem, and my inner child, and rewriting the narrative scripts that kept running through my mind.
In the meantime, I wrote blog articles for people looking to become entrepreneurs. And to my delight, I started gaining followers.
However, I felt a strong pull to tell my story of abuse. After about six months of writing about entrepreneurship, I completely changed my blog. I still didn’t know I was going to write about the topic of narcissism, but a seed was planted and at that point, I simply wrote what came to me. I had a muse back then…a muse who would guide me over months and help me turn my blog into what it is today.
This was around the same time that I learned about the Law of Attraction and how we must get rid of our negative programming to truly live.
I was onto something. I researched narcissism after learning about it during a Google search. I discovered that I was the target of narcissistic abuse. Like everyone else who stumbles across the topic, I wanted to know everything about it. I wrote more articles and gained more followers. I narrated my personal experiences and readers can relate to them.
Over the first year and a half, I wrote article after article, did more and more research, and began thinking about how I could help others get out of their toxic relationships. I became certified in life coaching, Law of Attraction, and considered going back to school to become a licensed therapist.
I offered free training for about six months. What I’ve learned is that advances in life coaching don’t apply to victims of narcissistic abuse.
I also learned that conventional treatment doesn’t help most people either. I knew I had to find a way to help people get out of the darkness of abuse, but I had to make some tough decisions. I quit my teaching job after school, started working as a part-time substitute teacher, and started focusing on what heals people who have been through narcissistic abuse.
It was difficult financially. I have sold everything I have of value. Heck, I sold my Plasma Plasma. I’ve done odd jobs like running gigs on Craigslist. I created biographies and taught people in English. However, despite it all, I often didn’t have enough money for a simple cup of coffee.
Some days I just wanted to give up and go back to 9 to 5. I missed having a steady paycheck and being able to quit working at work. I missed getting the benefits. But I knew I had a purpose. I also knew that living a life of mediocrity wouldn’t make me happy. So, I kept going.
Today, KimSaeed.com is one of the best sites in the field of recovery and narcissism.
What does all this mean for you?
I truly believe that destructive situations can be catalysts for change if we allow them to be. We don’t have to live lives of conformity or stay in abusive relationships. We don’t have to be the victims of generational dysfunction or do things the way our parents and grandparents did. We don’t have to hold on to dead dreams because we’re told we should.
Each of us – including you – has the power to choose.
This does not mean that it will always be easy. I’ve had some seriously crazy moments along the way. I was scared, confused, and unsure of myself.
But what I didn’t do was give up. I kept putting one foot in front of the other because I knew as long as I did, my destiny would unfold the way it was supposed to. I trusted God and the universe to take care of me.
And they have.
Many people just like you who are victims of narcissistic abuse often aspire to help others because we, as a demographic, are healers and light workers. It is an empath in us.
While not everyone will go on to become a therapist, coach, or therapist, many of you will. We are in the middle of a global transformation designed to enlighten, educate, and heal.
