As long as you love me, this only works when the narcissist gets what they want from you. You have to comply, or the relationship dynamics will be disrupted.
The moment—the moment you stop caring about the narcissist—you have to hide.
Not only does their reaction generate the worst emotional hurricane in the world—this F5—heading straight for you.
So what emotions are triggered, and what exactly do they mean?
Well, Alex, I’m glad you asked…
Narcissists Need You
The power a narcissist needs to deny their need for you is unparalleled! They will deny and refuse to acknowledge that your presence is what keeps them going, but…
…all for the wrong reasons.
Narcissists destroy you to gain something for themselves. They take over your world and tear it down with their own hands without a second thought.
The love you feel from them is fragmented and temporary, but it’s enough to keep you interested.
You remain loyal, loving, and optimistic.
Related : The One Secret The Narcissist Knows About You
And narcissists need that from you. If they don’t get it, their hollow self will awaken.
So… what is it about your caring nature that they can’t live without?
Your Caring Is A Resource For Them
Every time you show concern, you provide a resource for narcissists.
A resource for them is emotional sustenance. It’s what keeps them alive, and its sole purpose is to maintain some form of self-esteem.
The need for a resource is the primary motivation behind many of their toxic behaviors.
This means you stop caring for yourself every time you neglect your life or priorities to make room for them.
And what about narcissists?
They love it! They love knowing you’re willing to give up anything and everything for them, and that’s the very essence of you they abuse!
Can you imagine the horror of withdrawal?!
When Does It Stop?
The day you wake up and promise yourself that you won’t care about the narcissist is the day your life will radically change.
This is where things get really serious.
For once in your life, you’re choosing yourself. You’re choosing to put your own needs first, thereby dramatically improving your emotional and physical health.
Related : 10 Things Narcissists Would Say If They Were Honest
What does it mean to harness all that energy and positivity for yourself?
It means it can’t be diverted into narcissistic supply.
Instead of pleasing the narcissist, you’re healing and enriching yourself.
What Comes Next
I don’t promise warmth, kindness, happiness, and joy from the narcissist. In fact, I bet you won’t get an ounce.
Come to think about it, why would you do that?!
You’ve hurt them and stopped caring about them—how do you think they’d be happy?
What comes next are all the ways the narcissist wants you to feel. They know that when you stop caring, doing these things will trigger these feelings in you:
Fear. They want you to be afraid of what they can do. What they know about you. They make you afraid of leaving them because you’re programmed to believe you can’t live without them.
Intimidation. Your neglect directly threatens them, and they only know how to respond a thousand times! They won’t appreciate your retreat and will force you back to your old self.
Vacuity. You’re worthless. Your neglect doesn’t bother them because you meant nothing to them in the first place. They don’t want to know you, and you often hear phrases like, “You’re dead to me now.”
- Anger
Narcissists are like volcanoes—filled with rage that stays dormant until they feel like unleashing it on you.
It may surprise you, shock you. Once you see it, you always expect it.
Related : 11 Reasons Why Women Stay With Abusive Men
When you stop paying attention to them, you’ll likely witness their outbursts of anger.
- Dismissal
They’re officially done with you. They’re not interested in trying to woo you or impress you, not after what you’ve uncovered and discovered.
You’re useless to them now that you’ve seen them for who they really are. They can’t manipulate you.
They can’t control what you do or who you see. You don’t need them. You don’t care anymore, so as far as they’re concerned, you’re history.
- Revenge
Revenge is likely to escalate here. Narcissists don’t like being ignored, and to punish you, they’ll devise a plan to get back at you.
Think of revenge like this:
Spreading lies about you
Turning people against you
Getting rid of your things before you have a chance to get them back
Finding someone else and confessing their true love to them
- Exploiting Others
A narcissist never misses an opportunity to exploit you. If it worked in the past, they probably think it could work again.
Think about the typical ways they exploit you. It might be:
Related : The Narcissist Eternally Suffers From These 6 Things
Coming to your work to express their love for you
Stalking you on social media or in person
Constantly sending texts or phone calls to try to talk to you
Promising to change and be the person you want them to be
It’s all a ploy to regain control and change the image of them as the bad guy.
One Life
I don’t want to sound like the worst person on earth, but you only have one life.
If being with them is bad enough, withholding your care will ignite their evil on a whole new level.
As always, you’re the one who suffers. You’ll be the victim of everything you’ve said, and there’s no escaping it.
When you give your all to someone who doesn’t value, acknowledge, or love you, you give away your entire being.
Over time, this giving away will ripple into every aspect of your life.
You want to fix them. You over-give. You go out of your way to take care of the narcissist.
Not only will you neglect your own comfort, but you’ll also feel undeserving of any luxury.
You simply stop caring.
Related : The Narcissist Wants You To Hate Them
It may start small.
Skipping lunch.
Staying up late watching TV.
Saying you’re “fine” all the time, even when you’re not.
Ignoring warning signs, like pain or fatigue.
Then it escalates.
Giving up your job or hobbies just because they said so.
Stopping out on friends or family the narcissist thinks you’re “better than.”
Apologizing all the time just because their mood dictates your reaction.
This doesn’t have to be your life.
