Narcissists are often characterized by their inflated sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. But what happens when the narcissist fails, when the carefully curated facade of success crumbles? The answer is often as dramatic as the narcissist’s persona. Narcissistic failure can trigger a cascade of behaviors, each revealing more about their fragile ego than the grandiose persona they’ve spent so much time cultivating. If you’re dealing with a narcissist in your life, understanding how they react to failure can help you navigate the turbulent waters ahead. Here are 14 things you can expect when the narcissist fails.
1. Denial of Responsibility
One of the first things a narcissist will do when they fail is deny responsibility. They can’t tolerate the idea of being at fault because it conflicts with their inflated self-image. They’ll point fingers, blaming others for the failure rather than admitting any personal shortcomings. This deflection helps them maintain their image of perfection, at least in their own minds.
2. Intense Anger or Rage
Narcissistic rage is a well-documented phenomenon. When a narcissist faces failure, the emotional response can be explosive. They may lash out at those around them, unleashing intense anger that’s disproportionate to the situation. This anger stems from their fragile ego being bruised, and it serves as a defense mechanism to cover up their feelings of inadequacy.
3. Victim Mentality
Despite their usual sense of superiority, narcissists often adopt a victim mentality when things go wrong. This allows them to garner sympathy from others while avoiding responsibility for the failure. They might frame the situation as everyone being against them, perpetuating the narrative that the world is unfair to someone as “special” as they are.
4. Manipulation of Those Around Them
When the narcissist fails, expect them to manipulate those around them to maintain control of the narrative. They may twist facts, exaggerate details, or selectively share information to gain sympathy or retain their influence. Their charm and persuasive skills, which they’ve likely honed over time, will be put to the test as they attempt to shift perceptions in their favor.
5. Extreme Defensiveness
Even the slightest criticism can set off a narcissist. When faced with failure, they’ll become extremely defensive, shutting down any attempts at constructive feedback. Their sense of grandiosity can’t handle the reality that they are flawed, and they will go to great lengths to protect their ego, even if it means alienating those trying to help.
6. Attempts at Reinventing Themselves
Some narcissists, when confronted with failure, may attempt to reinvent themselves entirely. They’ll try to rebrand their image or career, often without addressing the root causes of their failure. This allows them to escape the shame of their shortcomings and move on to a new venture, hoping people will forget the failure altogether.
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7. Withdrawal and Isolation
In some cases, a narcissist may withdraw from the world when they fail. This isolation is a way for them to avoid facing the reality of their situation. They might cut off communication with friends or colleagues, retreating into themselves as they try to rebuild their shattered self-image in private.
8. Seeking New Sources of Admiration
Narcissists thrive on admiration, and when they fail, they often seek new sources to feed their ego. They might latch onto new relationships, friends, or even career opportunities to regain the attention and praise they crave. This quest for admiration can lead to impulsive decisions and changes in their social circles.
9. Exaggeration of Past Achievements
When a narcissist faces failure, they may begin to exaggerate their past successes in an attempt to remind everyone of their greatness. They’ll amplify their accomplishments to distract from the present failure, trying to convince others—and themselves—that the current setback is just a minor blip in an otherwise stellar record.
10. Refusal to Learn from Mistakes
Narcissists rarely take accountability for their actions, which makes it difficult for them to learn from their mistakes. Rather than reflecting on what went wrong, they’ll continue to blame external factors and repeat the same patterns that led to their downfall in the first place.
11. Resentment Towards Others’ Success
Nothing irritates a narcissist more than seeing others succeed where they have failed. They’ll harbor resentment and jealousy towards those who achieve what they couldn’t, even if those people were previously close friends or family members. This envy may lead them to criticize or sabotage others in an attempt to diminish their success.
12. Compulsive Lying
To cover up their failure, a narcissist may resort to compulsive lying. They’ll fabricate stories about why things didn’t work out, often creating elaborate excuses or false narratives that cast them in a more favorable light. These lies serve as a defense against facing the truth of their failure.
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13. Sudden Changes in Behavior
After a failure, narcissists may exhibit sudden changes in behavior. They could shift from being charming and charismatic to cold and distant or even hostile. These mood swings are often a reflection of their internal struggle to process the failure without shattering their self-image.
14. Attempts to Regain Control
Finally, when a narcissist fails, they will do everything in their power to regain control—of people, situations, or even the narrative surrounding their failure. They thrive on power, and losing control is one of their worst fears. Expect them to manipulate, charm, or intimidate their way back to a position of influence, often at the expense of others.
Final Thoughts on Narcissistic Failure
When a narcissist fails, their reaction is often extreme, driven by their fragile ego and deep-seated insecurities. Understanding these behaviors can help you protect yourself from their manipulations and emotional outbursts. Whether they respond with rage, denial, or an attempt to reinvent themselves, it’s crucial to remember that a narcissist’s reaction to failure is about protecting their ego at all costs.
Dealing with a narcissist in any capacity can be challenging, but knowing what to expect when they fail can provide valuable insight and help you stay one step ahead.
