Key Points
Any public embarrassment of a narcissist only creates more anger, rage, and rudeness.
Even in the face of factual evidence to the contrary, the narcissist will continue to lie.
When faced with failure, arrest, indictment, or dismissal, the narcissist will air his grievances endlessly.
It’s no wonder that malignant narcissism is one of the most searched topics on the internet in part because there are so many people who seem to have these toxic traits that negatively impact us. These individuals are notorious for destabilizing our lives, making us feel insecure, belittled, disparaged, or unimportant, and as I point out in my book, Dangerous Personalities, they can victimize us emotionally, physically, and even financially. They come into our lives as family members, friends, lovers, spouses, coworkers, bosses, or worse, national leaders. Once they enter our orbit, no matter how far away they are, toxicity is their common denominator, and they always leave a debris field of human suffering in their wake.
By now, we realize how dangerous these individuals are, precisely because their pathologies drive much of their vile behavior, especially toward others. Their common traits of an exaggerated sense of entitlement, a grandiose sense of superiority or exclusivity, delusions of infallibility, a constant disregard for the truth, a constant plotting and scheming to take advantage of others, a sense that rules and laws don’t apply to them, and of course a need to humiliate others, along with a callousness of heart, not only affect us but can have devastating consequences.
The one area that is rarely talked about when it comes to malignant narcissists is what happens when they fail. Failure in the private sector, at work, or as leaders for narcissists can be deeply disturbing if not downright traumatic for the rest of us. As Stuart Yudofsky notes in his book Fatal Flaw, these individuals are so “character-defective” that they deal with failure very differently than you and I do, because they are introspective or incapable of self-reflection, and lack empathy for others.
We often see narcissists in glowing light as successful industry leaders or heads of state, yet more often than not, their malice is likely to lead to their downfall, failure, or even arrest over time. Whether it’s because they cheat on taxes, embezzle money, circumvent rules and laws, cheat on business partners, devalue and torture their family or domestic partner to the point of divorce, or in the case of cults (I’m thinking of Jim Jones and Charles Manson) or as national leaders, they can lead their followers or their nation into destructive actions. So, when disaster strikes or failure of some kind becomes inevitable, how the narcissist reacts and what we, as potential victims of his actions, can expect to see, is what this article is about.
As with many personality disorders, those with severe character flaws, especially narcissists, when they face public shame, when they are exposed as criminals or for their misconduct, or when they fail in a very public way—this is when they become unstable, putting us as family, friends, coworkers, businesses, the public, or the nation at greatest risk. When things start to go wrong for narcissists, here’s what we can expect:
They will falsely claim that everything is fine and that nothing is wrong. They will first try to mislead us or claim that there is nothing wrong with the allegations or circumstances.
If evidence is presented, they will seek to invalidate it or claim that it is false, fabricated, or the product of some vague conspiracy, but it is not true.
Any evidence presented, and those who present it, will be attacked aggressively and vindictively. The better the evidence, the more aggressive the attack. Individuals who do the right thing by reporting criminal acts, unethical behavior, or failures should be discredited, humiliated, hounded, and bullied—and their families should not be spared if necessary. The narcissist will engage supporters or enablers to attack those who present evidence or proof at the same time, even if it embarrassingly exposes their poodle-like behavior as that of weak hypocrites. Damning evidence will be portrayed as false and the result of pettiness, jealousy, bad actors, malicious individuals, negativity, haters, enemies, losers, conspirators, opponents, profit seekers, unbelievers (usually seen in religious groups or cults), or as we see now in American politics, “fake news” or “deep state” actors. There is always a large constellation of people to blame, and narcissists cast a wide eye to see which hollow claim resonates, especially among their supporters. While they lash out with vengeance, the malignant narcissist will continue to talk about themselves in glowing terms, regardless of their actual situation, because they are incapable of self-reflection, let alone remorse. They will brag about their greatness and accomplishments (real or imagined), their false infallibility, and even portray themselves as worthy of admiration rather than humiliation. They will seek someone to blame for their problems or downfalls, preferably someone who cannot defend himself. A scapegoat is always useful, and when there is no real scapegoat, one will be invented. If they don’t get promoted or fired, it’s because there was a conspiracy at work against them. If they cheated on their business partners, it’s because they deserved it. If their spouse gets the children in the divorce settlement, it’s because of her malicious lawyer, not his obnoxious behavior. Narcissists never take responsibility for anything that happens to them. They blame their spouses for not being worthy of their greatness, their ignorant coworkers who don’t live up to their expectations, cheaters (oh, they love to blame cheaters), those who play by the rules because they play by them, or those who didn’t quite understand the narcissist’s idiosyncrasies. Everyone, and I mean everyone from the long-gone to the people in a relationship, to the people who have passed away, will take the blame for the narcissist’s failure or downfall. Again, it’s never their fault.
In the process of blaming, even the most loyal and steadfast will be discarded and discredited if necessary with creeping indifference. To the malignant narcissist, there is only “good”—those who offer blind, unwavering loyalty and who are useful, and everyone else is the enemy, useless, and therefore “bad.” Whether you are in or out, good or bad, is not determined by history, friendship, sacrifice, or how well you have performed in the past—it is determined by the narcissist’s fickle and selfish needs, and this can change in an instant. Expect the lies to increase and become more frequent. They will lie, even in the face of factual evidence to the contrary, more profusely and persistently. Lies have been and will always be the malignant narcissist’s primary tool. The only difference now is that in the face of failure or public ridicule, the lies must increase in frequency and boldness to the point of unbelievability. Narcissists will expect their supporters, immoral enablers, and enablers to lie on their behalf or even create plausible alibis. Putting others at risk by forcing them to lie is the collateral damage that malignant narcissists inflict as they wallow in despair when they fail or are caught. As the lies increase, so will the need to devalue others to increase their esteem. They will attack everyone and anyone in the most vicious and vengeful ways. This is where their anger comes into play. Not just anger, but unbridled anger. They will say things that shock the conscience and expect everyone to swallow what they say, just as their enablers do. Even the most polite person will be attacked, mocked, ridiculed, and turned into a human chewing toy as the narcissist unleashes unbridled anger and hatred. They will sink into a bottomless cauldron of hatred and, like a gushing artery, they will spurt this toxic mixture everywhere with regularity. The malignant narcissist, who lacks guilt or conscience, cares only about respect and not being publicly shamed. Any kind of public embarrassment will only cause him more anger, more rage, more attacks, more immoral behavior, and unprecedented rudeness.
If the narcissist is to be defeated, he will also seek to bring down everyone around him to make him suffer in retaliation. The way the narcissist curses, attacks, or destroys others (spouse, friends, business partners, coworkers, the general public) depends on the malignant narcissist’s pathological creativity and depravity, the applicable tools available to him, and of course the severity or hopelessness of the situation. The Internet and social media are certainly useful as lives can be destroyed with a single tweet. But so are guns, rifles, poisons, and even hired killers. If they control a country, they can have the security services or the military do the work for them.
In certain situations, and as the end approaches, the suffering of others is of utmost importance to the malignant narcissist. It is their way of elevating themselves—as sick as they may seem—by inflicting more suffering on society. While they attack, they show no concern or empathy because they have neither. If others suffer because of their actions, the narcissist simply does not care. Narcissists lack conscience or any form of remorse, and like Robert Hare’s psychopath, they sleep soundly at night while everyone else is anxious, stressed, stressed, and physically or psychologically traumatized while they nervously and rightfully think about what other evils might happen. When faced with failure, arrest, accusation, or dismissal, they air their grievances endlessly. Narcissists are by nature wound collectors, and as such, they collect and feed off social slights and perceived wrongs just for the occasion. They will lash out at the victim, claiming that they have been relentlessly and needlessly persecuted. And of course, they expect their lawyers, followers, or aides to meekly repeat their empty claims.
So what will happen in the end? It is difficult to predict. Every situation is different. Some will kick, beat, and disappear for a while, either deliberately or thanks to prison—waiting for the right time to do it all again. Some people regroup, plot, plan, and prepare to make another triumphant entrance into the lives of those who don’t realize what they’re doing to exploit them when the opportunity arises. Others will, sadly, seek to harm them when faced with a breakup, divorce, being fired, having their crimes exposed, or being removed from their positions. Still others will stalk, hound, or make life unbearable for those they hold responsible for their actions. Their past often gives us insight into what they might do, but no one can say for sure—human beings are very complex, and, as with many with personality disorders, they are sensitive to the smallest, unacknowledged but motivating triggers.
