What should you expect when a narcissist can no longer control you? Will they finally see the light of day and do the just and right thing? Will they make fair arrangements regarding the division of your assets? What is narcissistic thinking and how will they react?
In this post, you will learn how to overcome a narcissist’s loss of control over you like a kung fu master. especially:
What goes through the narcissist’s mind when this happens;
The 12 most common reactions a narcissist engages in;
Examples of real-life scenarios where narcissists get the upper hand (and how to avoid it);
Tips when sharing custody with a narcissist.
Video version
I want to talk to you today about what to expect when you are no longer under the control of a narcissist. Before I get started, if you’re new to my YouTube channel, please like, subscribe, and hit the notification bell so you’ll be the first to know when I upload a video.
1 – Flying on steroids
When a narcissist loses control over you, there is usually a period of constant hovering. They may call you from unknown numbers or start emailing you through new email accounts. They may contact you on your social media through fake accounts they set up. Maybe they will contact your family.
These things may make it seem as if the narcissist wants to get back together. You may get the impression that they feel remorse and perhaps see the opportunity for true love (or a true relationship) that they are throwing away. You’re swept up in a whirlwind of attention while the narcissist tries to convince you that you have the most magical relationship ever.
However, once they find out that you’re not falling for their tricks anymore, things will get really bad. It is also worth noting that when the narcissist is hovering in you, he or she is hovering in others as well.
2- A smear campaign against doping
It is important to realize that the smear campaign against you has been going on for some time. In the narcissist’s mind, relationships don’t last. As far as narcissists are concerned, they are not even in a real relationship; At least not in the way you think. When narcissists are in relationships, their focus is on how much they can control you, control your actions, and control your mindset.
They will also focus on managing the impression others have of you as well. For this reason, they will try to make everyone you know see you in the worst possible light. Through social media, texts, and emails, they will tell everyone they know how evil, manipulative, and abusive you are.
3 – Sabotage on steroids
When you decide to end a relationship with a narcissist, this is one of the ultimate forms of narcissistic harm, and they will try to make you pay for it. They may contact your employer, or people at your church, and they may saturate your circle of friends so they can cut you off.
Now that they can’t control you, their main focus is on changing the way others view you, and this can include your children. They will do everything in their power to bring you down and ruin your life.
4 – Parental aversion to stimulants
If you share your children with a narcissist and you notice that your children are siding with the narcissist, or perhaps they are no longer as close to you as they once were, understand that children also face the same things we do when they grow up in a toxic home.
They suffer from the bonding of trauma, hovering, and love bombardment. All while the narcissist continues to tell people lies about you. This is a very painful period. Once you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, their expectations for the relationship are very different from yours…and parenting is no exception.
If you share children with a narcissist, contact an attorney if possible; And do your best to get them into treatment. If the narcissist doesn’t agree to this, try getting him into therapy at his school. Talk to the counselors there. This is a very critical time because the narcissist will do everything in their power to turn your children against you.
Narcissists will spend a great deal of time, energy, and money to buy your children’s affection and convince them of how wonderful their parents are. They’re good, you’re bad. They will feed your children lies about things you supposedly did and said about them when they were innocent little things who had no idea “what a terrible person you are.”
Of course, this is all nonsense, but whether your kids believe it or not is up to the lottery.
5 – Triangulation
Narcissists do not enter into relationships to provide mutual affection or support. What they expect is for you to live a life of slavery under them. This is one of the primary signs that you are dealing with a narcissist.
In normal relationships, when people decide to break up and go their separate ways, there is generally a mutual understanding that you will move on and go a different path from each other, but that is not how narcissists generally see it.
This explains why they often return to old sources of supply. If the narcissist feigns remorse, indicates that he regrets his decision, or perhaps confides in you that he is in a new relationship and is now starting to have doubts, remember…they do this to other exes too.
For narcissists, no one person is more special than another, nor do they miss one person more than another. When things start to fall apart in their new relationship, that’s when they start going back. Once the new symptom starts seeing red flags, the narcissist should move on to the next trick in his toolbox. This is when they start triangulating you.
Generally, this occurs in romantic relationships, but it can also occur in other relationships, such as a co-worker situation or within a family unit.
6 – Deep cruelty
Many people believe that narcissists are cruel to others because they are trying to avoid the deep internal shame that seems to plague them 24 hours a day. However, narcissists are more concerned with losing their power and control over you. They will become very vindictive, and coercive, and will bully you.
They feel seriously humiliated when they realize that you will no longer be their servant, because, in their opinion, they have spent a great deal of time trying to brainwash you and program you into their way of thinking. This can be seen in how you feel about yourself at the end of a relationship, and also after the relationship ends. You will feel like everything is your fault, that you didn’t try hard enough, and you may start to believe that the narcissist was right all along.
Your cognitive mind may know that you did everything you could to save the relationship, but the voice of the narcissist will be in your head. This does not happen in cases of normal breakup of relationships. There will be sadness, of course. There will be hesitation to start a new life and start over. But if the normal relationship breaks up, there will be no smear campaign. Separated people will at least try to be civil toward each other and perhaps divide assets fairly.
This is not the narcissist’s way. This is exactly how you know you are dealing with a narcissist because he will become extremely obnoxious and nasty and even do things that seem evil.
It is important not to convince yourself that the narcissist doesn’t know what he is doing or is completely unaware of how much he is hurting you. Narcissists are very deliberate and strategic in how they interact with you.
If narcissists don’t have an awareness of how awful they are, or if they don’t have an awareness of how they are, or if they don’t have an awareness of how it all makes you feel, they will act the same way in all relationships, situations, and environments. But narcissists choose to abuse people they feel it is safe to abuse, and they come to this conclusion once we get past the love bombing period and become addicted to it.
7- An Oscar-worthy apology
The narcissist will likely offer you an apology. They may cry a little, but narcissists are very good actors. This can be seen in the way they interact with the outside world.
Let’s say you both go to a party. The narcissist is the life of the party. Everyone laughs at their jokes. It’s as if no one can see narcissists for who they are, because you know what they’re like when you’re both alone and it’s nothing like the persona they put out in the public eye.
This alone should tell you that the narcissist is fully aware of what he is doing. When they offer you an apology, you will soon realize that it is not a genuine apology. Narcissists never regret the way they treat you. They may feel sorry for the consequences they know they will have to face.
For example, if you share children with them, they will begin to think about how they might have to pay child support, pay alimony, or divide assets. Since they generally do not want to pay child support or alimony or divide assets, they often try to return. It is important not to fall for their tricks and schemes. For example, one of my coaching clients said she was divorcing her narcissistic husband, and that they were sharing the children. He came one night, just before the hearing, and convinced her that he didn’t want to break up the family. He was thinking and wanted to work on their marriage. He also explained that he did not want to divide the family and cause the children to be in different homes.
My client was completely under the impression that they had agreed to civilly go to the hearing and do what was best for the children. What happened was that she was completely and unexpectedly beaten down because the narcissist went to the hearing and bulldozed everything. She was in such shock that he was given custody of their children. Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario
These examples are why it’s important not to fall for a narcissist’s tricks when they think they’re losing control of you. Because things are going to get very bad, and they will stay bad for a long time. During these times, the narcissist begins to realize that he or she cannot control you and that you must remain resilient. Don’t fall for their tricks, fantasy, or gaslighting.
8- Damaging your property
When a narcissist can’t control you, he or she may damage your property or try to break into your home. If they are successful, they may steal important and sentimental items that may not have any financial value but are very dear to you.
This is why you should never allow a narcissist into your home if you break up with them and move into a new residence. You are not obligated to let the narcissist into your new place.
9- Planting spyware on your devices
Another reason I advise against letting narcissists into your new home is that they will often plant spyware on your appliances and electronic devices. At least fifty percent of my coaching clients have dealt with this. Don’t let a narcissist put you in this type of situation.
At this point, once the narcissist can no longer control you, you must make it a priority to protect yourself. You need to seal them out of your life, whatever that may look like. You may have to get a protective order or a restraining order. You will probably need to put cameras around your residence. I would suggest ADT or anything that will alert you if someone’s trying to break into your home.
