What should you expect when a narcissist cannot control you? Will they finally see the light of day and do the just and right thing? Will they make fair arrangements regarding the division of your assets? What is narcissistic thinking and how will they react?
In this post, you will learn how to navigate narcissists losing control of you like a kung fu master. especially:
what goes through the narcissist’s mind when this happens;
The twelve most common reactions a narcissist will engage in;
examples of real-life scenarios where narcissists have gained the upper hand (and how to avoid this);
Tips for sharing custody with a narcissist.
1 – Hoover on steroids
When a narcissist loses control of you, there is usually a period of constant trying to Hoover. They may call you from unknown numbers or start emailing you through new email accounts. They may contact you on your social media through fake accounts they created. Maybe they will connect with your family.
These things may make it seem as if the narcissist really wants to get back together. You may get the impression that they feel remorse and may see the opportunity for true love (or a real relationship) that they are throwing away. You are swept up in a whirlwind of attention as the narcissist tries to convince you that you have the most magical relationship ever.
However, once they find out that you will no longer fall for their tricks, things are going to get really bad. It’s also worth noting that when a narcissist upsets you, they binge on other experiences as well.
2- A smear campaign on steroids
It is important to realize that the smear campaign against you has been going on for some time. In the narcissist’s mind, relationships don’t last. As far as narcissists are concerned, they are not even in a real relationship; At least not in the way you realize. When narcissists are in relationships, their focus is on how much they can control you, control your actions, and control your mindset.
They will also focus on managing the impression others have of you as well. Because of this, they will try to make everyone you know see you in the worst possible light. Through social media, text messages, and emails, they will tell everyone that you know how evil, manipulative, and abusive you are.
3 – Vandalism on steroids
When you decide to end the relationship with a narcissist, this is one of the final forms of narcissism, and they will try to push you for it. They may contact your employer, the people at your church, and they may saturate your circle of friends so they can cut you off at the pass.
Now that they can no longer control you, their main focus is on changing how others see you, and that can include your children. They will do everything in their power to bring you down and ruin your life.
4 – Parents’ aversion to stimulants
If you share children with a narcissist and notice that your children are taking the side of the narcissist, or may not be as close to you as they once were, understand that children, too, experience the same things we do when they grow up. Sam’s house.
They experience the bonding of trauma, spoilage, and the pounding of love. All while the narcissist continues to tell people lies about you. And this is a very painful period. Once you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, their expectations of the relationship are very different from yours…and parenthood is no exception.
If you share children with a narcissist, contact an attorney if possible; And do your best to get them into treatment. If the narcissist does not agree to this, try to get them into therapy at their school. Talk to the counselors there. This is a very critical time because the narcissist will do everything they can to turn your children against you.
Narcissists will spend a great deal of time, energy, and money buying your children’s affection and convincing them of what a great parent they are. They are good, you are bad. They’ll feed your children lies about the things you supposedly did and said about her when she was innocent little things that she has no idea about “what an awful person you are.”
Of course, it’s all nonsense, but whether your kids believe it or not, it’s up to the luck of the lottery.
5 – triangulation
Narcissists do not enter into relationships to offer affection or mutual support. What they expect is to live a life of servitude in their shadow. This is one of the primary signs that you are dealing with a narcissist.
In normal relationships, when people decide to break up and go their separate ways, there is generally a mutual understanding that the two of you will go down different paths from each other, but this is not generally seen by narcissists.
This explains why they are returning to their old sources of supply. If the narcissist is telling you, feigning remorse, indicating that he regrets his decision, or maybe he trusted you that he’s in a new relationship, and now they’re starting to have doubts, remember…they do this to other exes, too.
As far as narcissists are concerned, no one person is more private than the other and they miss one person more than the other. When things start to fall apart in their most recent relationship, that’s when they start to turn back. Once the new offer starts seeing red flags, the narcissist has to move on to the next trick in their toolbox. This is when they start to triangulate you.
Generally, this occurs in romantic relationships, but it can also happen in other relationships, such as with a co-worker or within a family unit.
6 – deep cruelty
Many people believe that narcissists are cruel to others because they are trying to avoid the deep inner shame that seems to befall them 24 hours a day. However, narcissists are more interested in losing their power and control over you. They will become very vindictive, forceful, and will bully you.
They are deeply offended when they realize that you will no longer be their servant because, in their minds, they have spent so long trying to brainwash you and program you into their way of thinking. This can be seen in how you feel about yourself at the end of the relationship and also after the relationship ends. You’ll feel like it’s all your fault, that you haven’t tried hard enough, and you may even start to believe that the narcissist was right all along.
Your knowing mind may know that you did everything in your power to save the relationship, but the narcissist’s voice will be in your head. This does not happen in cases of interruption of normal relations. There will be grief, of course. There will be a reluctance to start a new life and start over. But if a normal relationship breaks down, there will be no smear campaign. Separated people will at least try to be civil to each other and perhaps divide assets fairly.
This is not the narcissist’s way. And that’s exactly how you know you’re dealing with a narcissist because he’ll become extremely obnoxious, nasty, and even do things that seem evil.
It is important not to convince yourself that the narcissist does not know what they are doing or is completely unaware of how much they are hurting you. Narcissists are very intentional and strategic in how they interact with you.
If narcissists don’t have an awareness of how awful they are, if they don’t have an awareness of their condition, or if they don’t have an awareness of what all this feels like, they will act the same way in all relationships, situations, and environments. But narcissists choose to abuse people they feel safe to abuse, and they came to this conclusion once we got past the love-bombing, addictive period.
7 – An apology worthy of an Oscar
It is very likely that the narcissist will offer you an apology. They may cry a little, but narcissists are very good actors. This can be seen in the way they interact with the outside world.
Let’s say you both went to a party. The narcissist is the life of the party. Everyone laughs at their jokes. And it seems like no one can ever see a narcissist for what they are, because you know what it’s like to be the two of you on your own and not like the persona they put in the public eye.
This alone should tell you that the narcissist is fully aware of what they are doing. When they give you an apology, you will soon realize that it is not genuine. Narcissists never regret the way they treat you. They may regret the consequences they know they will have to face.
For example, if you share children with them, they will start to think about how to pay child support, pay alimony, or divide assets. Since they generally do not want to pay child support, alimony, or divided assets, they often try to return. It is very important not to fall for their tricks and schemes. For example, one of my two coaching clients said she was divorcing her narcissistic husband, and they shared children together. He came one night, just before the session, and persuaded her that he did not want to break up the family. He has been thinking and wanting to work on their marriage. He further explained that he did not want to split up the family and have the children in different homes.
My clients were under the complete impression that they had agreed to go civilly to the hearing and do what was best for the children. What happened was that she got punched completely and unexpectedly because the narcissist went to the hearing and bulldozed everything. And she was so in shock that he got custody of their children. Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario
These examples are why it is so important not to fall for narcissistic tricks when they think they are losing control of you. Because things are going to get really bad, and they’re going to stay bad for a long time. During these times when the narcissist is beginning to realize that he or she cannot control you, you must remain firm. Don’t fall for their gimmicks, fantasy, or gaslighting.
8 – Damage to your property
When the narcissist cannot control you, he may damage your property or try to break into your home. If they succeed, they may steal important and sentimental items that may not even have any financial value, but are very dear to you.
This is why you should never let a narcissist into your home if you have separated from him and moved to a new place. You are under no obligation to introduce the narcissist to your new place.
9 – Planting spyware on your devices
Another reason I advise against letting narcissists into your new home is because they often plant spyware on your devices and electronics. At least fifty percent of my intern clients deal with this. Don’t let a narcissist put you in this kind of situation.
At this point, once the narcissist is no longer able to control you, you should make protecting yourself a priority. You need to cut them out of your life, whatever that looks like. You may have to get a protective order or a restraining order. You will likely need to place cameras around your residence. I would suggest an ADT or something that will alert you if someone tries to break into your house.
10- Excessive use of fear
If the narcissist begins to believe that they can no longer control you, they will use fear to control you. You will witness their anger in a way you have never experienced before. And it often succeeds, especially in court settings, but don’t give up.
You have to stand strong, protect yourself, and do whatever you need to do to avoid letting the narcissist control you.
11- Intensification of the trauma bond
If all else fails, the narcissist will try to strengthen the trauma bond you have with him. In this context, narcissists do not experience traumatic bonds. We just do their victim or their target.
Given that narcissists are not emotionally attached to anyone (not even their children), they do not experience any kind of attachment trauma once their relationships end. This is also what allows them to enter Monkey Branch while in committed relationships. They want to secure other sources of supply because they know their relationships are doomed.
12- It makes you feel helpless or dependent
Once the narcissist realizes that he is losing control of you, he may try to make you believe that you cannot make it without them or that you will lose children (if possible). These things may be true. If they try this approach, it is important that you try to chart a path for yourself out of that relationship. Even if it takes a while; Even if you can’t leave right away, start working on your exit plan.
These are some of the most common things that happen when narcissists feel like they are losing control of you. Although their cunning and manipulative nature often makes escape difficult, you can still get your hands on it and turn the tables on them. Although you’ll need thick leather for this, they get a bit more abusive when they feel like their strength is wearing off.
The narcissist does not change his behavior in the long term. Instead, they bounce from one career to the next, from one relationship to the next, and from one drama to the next. Understanding these tactics ahead of time can give you an advantage in the future.
How to protect yourself from a narcissist and stand strong
Have you ever felt like you were about to collapse?
Are you guilty of sucking it up and saying, “I just need to work harder?”
This place is familiar to me. I get it. You don’t want to start a process that could take a long time. You’re also not sure if you can trust yourself not to give in to bullshit attempts by the toxic person in your life.
I also understand that you are probably ready to try anything.
A new perspective. different way. You are new.
Everyone has the innate ability to heal themselves. But it is likely that you will need outside support to heal the trauma that impedes your ability to indulge in this gift.
I cover applications and theories in all of these areas in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program, which has been voted a favorite by professionals in the psychological community. Therapists refer their clients to this program.
As you work through the program, you will experience freedom of expression, radical self-care, and self-confidence.
The relationship between you and your inner cheerleader will become more like a best friend.
Your true self will be revealed to you in a way you never imagined before. There’s a good chance that you’ll start loving the person standing in the mirror, keeping promises to yourself, and celebrating your choices over time.
