We all know breakups suck.
Sometimes, after weeks, months or years, former lovers can suddenly realize that they miss each other.
You may be wondering if you are happy without it. Or you may be struggling to move forward. But when do ex-girlfriends start missing you?
Here are the big signs to look out for…
When does your ex-boyfriend start missing you?
There is no magic answer for how long it takes for your ex to miss you.
Perhaps the inconvenient truth is that it depends. It could take days, weeks, or months.
Various variables unique to your situation will affect exactly how long it takes.
But here are 5 very important triggers your ex-girlfriend misses you:
1) When she feels your absence in her life
When you care about someone, and you spend quality time with that person you are going to miss them when they are not around.
How long that takes depends on how prominent you are in her life and for how long.
For example, if you two talk every day, it will take her less time to miss you because she is used to talking to you a lot.
Likewise, if you’ve been dating for 12 months, she’s likely to miss you a lot more than if you’ve only been dating for two weeks.
Obviously it makes sense, the more features someone has in our lives, the sooner we will miss them.
She must feel your absence in order for her to miss you. Even if the two of you broke up and you’re not a couple now, she’s less likely to miss you if you keep chatting every day.
2) When she is reminded of you
Particularly when we’re dealing with loss and grief from a breakup, it doesn’t necessarily take much to think about our ex.
Maybe you hear a song on the radio, think of a “joke” you both have, or pass by a place you’ve always hung out.
It can be the smallest things during her day that remind us of her.
But it does bring up memories that are all too common after a split, and that leads to those tones of sadness when we miss someone.
3) When you realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side
Some people, after a breakup, try to throw themselves into the single life.
They might tell themselves that being single would be great, that they would have all kinds of new freedom, and could meet exciting new people.
But the truth is, the single life is never better or worse than being in a relationship. It’s completely different.
Both have their own unique blessings and struggles. Both require work and effort. Both can lead to joy and disappointment.
When a relationship doesn’t seem to be working, there is often a temptation to imagine that the grass might be greener on the other side.
Maybe you think the single life would be more fun or easier. You might imagine that a different man would do things for her that you wouldn’t.
Sometimes an ex-girlfriend starts missing you as soon as she realizes that life without you isn’t as great as she had hoped.
4) When she can’t hide from her feelings anymore
One of the most painful things after a breakup is watching your ex seem to be having the time of his life.
I know how much it hurts, I’ve been there. But then I noticed something.
The exes who have been coming out all the time, are suddenly so busy, it seems from the outside that they don’t care at all about splitting up at the end.
I came to realize something very important:
Some people try to deal with the pain of a breakup by hiding from it.
They get lost in as many distractions as possible.
They go out to celebrate and look for bouncing balls. They do everything they can to avoid having to stand still and face the feelings the breakup causes.
But you can only hide for so long. In the end, you have to feel the feelings.
Your ex-girlfriend may start to miss you when she can no longer run away from her feelings.
5) You are worried when you have moved on
The more available we think someone is, the less we worry about losing them. It is basic psychology.
If your ex thinks she can get you back at the drop of a hat, then she is less likely to miss you.
But as soon as you hint that you could have started moving on, panic sets in.
You may see that you are working on yourself. You notice that you will live a better life, rather than pining for it and waiting for it to return. See you with a mysterious new girl.
Your ex will start to miss you if you are actively moving forward with your life.
This is because this triggers fear in her and she begins to worry, what if I can’t get him back?
What will make my girlfriend miss me?
1) Time and place
There are some things that cannot be rushed. The time and place for someone to miss you is something we can’t cut short.
We can’t miss someone who is still around. Nor will we miss anyone until enough time has passed to feel their absence in our lives.
You need to give your ex-girlfriend enough time to miss you. Distance also plays a role in missing someone. So if you remain present in her life, she cannot miss you.
You should create a sense of distance. This is why no contact is often suggested to couples who break up.
This time and place is crucial, regardless of whether your ultimate goal is to try to heal or you hope to come back to your senses and realize what you’ve lost.
2) Don’t stay friends
It is very tempting to keep your ex in your life.
It can feel like it’s relieving the stress of the loss – that way you can still see or talk to them. And who knows, maybe they’ll change their minds and you’ll end up in each other’s arms, right?
But unfortunately, staying in touch with your ex means that he is less likely to miss you. For the very obvious reason that you just can’t miss someone who isn’t gone.
In fact, many couples try to avoid dealing with the pain of a breakup by staying friends.
But rather than being a true friendship, it is just a way to avoid losing. If you really want your ex-girlfriend to miss you, don’t fall into this trap.
3) How do you respond to a breakup
If you act dignified after a breakup, she is more likely to miss you than if you show her your worst side.
Calling her names, being tough, or acting inappropriate will only make her happy to see your back.
Likewise, begging her to come back and begging her to change her mind if she breaks up with you is also more likely to make her hold back even more.
There’s no denying that a breakup totally rocks our feelings. It can feel very difficult to stay calm.
It’s not that you need to pretend you’re unaffected or that you don’t care, but remaining respectful and calm will always serve you better.
4) Your relationship history
Often, the longer you’ve been together, the harder it will be to let go. We are creatures of habit, and you will miss anyone who has felt like a familiar component of your life for some time.
Whether the relationship was relatively happy most of the time will also affect whether (and when) your ex misses you.
If things go wrong, there may be initial relief at the end of the breakup.
If the relationship was incredibly rocky, or even toxic, then of course your ex might still miss you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they want to get back together.
You can still miss someone and think the breakup was for the best.
But sometimes relationships go a little off track or that spark has fizzled out, but it can still be fixed.
In this situation, there is only one thing left to do – re-arouse her romantic interest in you.
I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He uses the nickname “relationship freak,” for good reason.
In this free video, he will show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you back.
No matter your situation – or how bad the mess has been since your breakup – he’ll give you a number of helpful tips that you can put into practice right away.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do it.
How do you know if your ex-girlfriend misses you?
1) She stalks you online
When I know the relationship is really over, I unfollow all of their social media.
It’s not about being cold-hearted or petty, quite the opposite. I want to move on with my life and I know it’s very hard to do if I’m still seeing every detail of what they’re up to.
The places they go, the people they are with, and what they had for lunch. When you’re trying to get over your ex, constantly reminding you of them won’t do you any good.
But if she wants to know what’s going on in your life, it’s probably because she still cares.
Watching all of your stories is as close as it can feel right now. So if she seems to be silently all over your social media profile, you can assume that she misses you.
2) You want to talk to get “close”
The closure is one of the biggest flaws in the history of a relationship. I honestly don’t think it exists.
We act like having a big conversation about the relationship after a breakup will make all the difference. But in fact, it often does not happen.
When you really want out of a relationship, you don’t need to try to understand what happened. Especially often we will never really understand.
If she still wants to talk about things, she may be having second thoughts.
Sometimes people say they are looking for closure when in fact they are not ready to give up on the relationship yet and are still open to reconciliation.
3) She is trying to make you jealous
One of my friends is still “friends” with his ex.
Sometimes when they arrange to hang out, she casually mentions that she can’t do a certain day because she has a special date.
You have to ask yourself, why are you bringing that up?
She can easily say that she is busy or suggest that another day would suit her better. But no, I volunteered the information to see another man.
She is clearly trying to make him jealous. She either wants a reaction from him or is checking to see if there will be one.
Either way, if your ex-girlfriend was purposely trying to make you jealous, she probably misses you.
4) It’s non-stop parties
You said earlier how it sounded like some of my ex was living whale at the time we broke up. Meanwhile, I was sitting at home thinking alone.
But everyone reacts differently to a split.
Don’t assume that if your ex isn’t staying home crying, he clearly doesn’t miss you.
Distraction is a severe defense mechanism for many people.
So the fact that she’s trying to keep herself busy could mean that she doesn’t want to stop and think about breaking up, because she knows she’s only going to miss you.
The problem is that we can only get over feelings for so long, and they always catch up to you in the end.
5) You make big changes
Another technique for coping with loss and dealing with grief is to try to make a fresh start. She may do this by making some changes in her life.
The classic example is a breakup change, where you update your wardrobe or get a new haircut.
It is an attempt to make yourself feel better.
You might make other changes such as enrolling in a course, starting a new hobby, or taking a trip.
Trying to reinvent yourself after a breakup is really common and is often a reflection of them missing you.
6) It’s hot and cold
Breaking up can feel like treading on a roller coaster.
You usually feel a wide range of emotions and can swing from sadness to anger, and from resignation to regret in a matter of moments.
If she is warm one day and reaches out to you but is cold and distant the next, this indicates that she is struggling with this mix of feelings.
She might give you some signs that she misses you, but then she acts like she doesn’t even care.
It’s very common and just shows you that no matter what happens, she still has unresolved feelings for you.
7) What would the expert say?
While this article explores everything you need to know when an ex-girlfriend starts missing you, it may be helpful to talk to a relationship coach about your situation.
With the Professional Relationship Coach, you can get advice specific to your life and experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complex and difficult love situations, such as breaking up or getting back together.
It’s a very popular resource for people facing this kind of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a difficult issue in my own relationship. After losing my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, sympathetic and really helpful my instructor was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
8) You get late-night texts and calls
For some reason, nights tend to get lonely. Daily distractions fade away and she finds herself alone and thinking about you.
If she texts you at all, that’s a sign that she misses you, but texting you late at night is more than that.
It indicates that her willpower has faded and she cannot help herself. Whatever excuse you give, a late night text screams, “I miss you.”
Same goes for drunk texting and calling. When her inhibitions are gone, she reaches out to you.
9) You “bump” into it
Sometimes it feels like you’re bumping into her all over the place.
Maybe you see her walking down the street in your neighborhood or suddenly lining up at your favorite coffee shop.
Maybe you show up at your girlfriend’s party, even though she knows you’ll be there and she barely knows them.
Sure, it might be a complete coincidence. But she may be trying to reconnect with you. Most of us avoid our past experiences unless we secretly want to “bump into them.”
10) I started to reminisce
A walk down memory lane usually means one thing:
Your ex misses you
Remembering the times you shared and the experiences you had together means that she looks back fondly on your time as a couple.
It’s often a clear sign that someone is having second thoughts about a breakup or just isn’t ready to let you go.
11) She finds excuses to contact you
Is your ex still checking you out? You might randomly send a message asking how you are.
Are you trying to find excuses to communicate with you? Pointless things like asking if you remember the name of the movie you saw a few months ago might seem pointless.
Does she keep you updated on what’s going on in her life? For example, tell you about a new business opportunity she has.
If she’s trying to find reasons to keep in touch, it’s because she misses you.
12) You try to start an argument
Sometimes negative attention is better than no attention at all.
This is why if your ex is trying to stir up an argument, it’s because she’s still interested.
She is not ready to let it go. She is in pain from the breakup and uses anger as a mask for it.
Finding reasons to get mad at you or start a fight is her way of not giving up on the relationship. This means that she misses you.
