Feeling vulnerable in front of anyone can be difficult. It’s scary to think that you might be ridiculed or rejected for simply showing your emotions.

But what happens when a narcissist sees you cry?

How do they respond or comfort you? How does this affect your relationship with the narcissist? And should you feel it’s safe to cry in front of them — or should you avoid them altogether?

Let’s get started.

WhatHappensWhenANarcissistSeeYouCry?

If you’ve never cried in front of a narcissist before, you may not know what to expect.

First, it’s important to note that narcissists respond to people’s emotions differently. Likewise, no two narcissists are exactly the same.

Related : The Complete Guide To The Narcissist in Relationships For Partners

So even if you think you know how they might react, don’t tie yourself to that expectation.

Part of the narcissistic personality is inherently rooted in keeping you guessing.

In other words, they thrive on being inconsistent enough to make you feel uncertain and anxious.

However, if you do cry in front of them, here are some typical responses you can expect.

PretendsHeDoesn’tNotice

Imagine this scene. You’re upset, you’ve been holding back your tears, but you’ve just reached your breaking point.

You can’t stop the tears. So, you let them go. You show yourself. Then you look at the narcissist.

And what happens? Sometimes, he continues to talk and act as if nothing has changed. He doesn’t acknowledge the obvious shift in your emotions.

He doesn’t address the crying. He just continues to… do his job. It’s almost as if you’re not even there.

This happens because the narcissist is so preoccupied with his immediate needs and ego that he doesn’t want to stop to see what’s going on with you.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice (of course he does!). It just means he doesn’t care enough to do anything about it.

Of course, this interaction puts you in a very awkward position. You’re stuck feeling inferior and alone.

At the same time, you’re probably embarrassed and angry because you need to be the one to process what’s happening.

Make no mistake—narcissists are miserable people and they’re fully aware of this strategy. They want you to continue to feel uncomfortable around them.

Then they want to trick you into thinking they didn’t even realize you were so upset.

OfferFakeApology

A real apology feels remorseful and sincere. You can trust the other person, even if they made a huge mistake, to hold themselves accountable.

Even if you still feel hurt, you take some comfort in knowing that they realize what they did was wrong.

A fake apology feels very different. A fake apology makes you feel like you’re the one who should be apologizing for what happened.

There’s no real remorse or responsibility. Rather, you feel like you are the victim of a strange manipulation.

It might look like this:

“I’m sorry you’re so upset.”

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“I was afraid you’d take it too far.”

“You’re always so emotional. We can never have a rational discussion.”

“Here we go again. I’m not doing anything right!”

At first, these apologies might seem like an attempt to acknowledge what he did. But if you’ve ever been the subject of an apology, you know that they make you question your reality.

A narcissist makes you feel like you’re still the problem—even if it’s entirely his fault.

Laughing at You

This is one of the most dramatic reactions that can happen when a narcissist sees you crying. No one likes to be made fun of, but that’s exactly how some narcissists respond to emotion.

His laughter simply means that he doesn’t care about your feelings. If anything, he finds it amusing.

He doesn’t want to comfort you or consider your needs. He simply wants to laugh at something that seems outrageous and funny to him.

criticizingyou

Why are you crying over this?

Why are you acting like a child?

You’re so silly!

You’re embarrassing me!

It’s no surprise that narcissists often feel uncomfortable around displays of emotion.

Instead of pausing to think about what their loved one might need, they instead go straight for the anger. In a sense, this feels safer to them.

If he criticizes you for crying, it’s because he thinks your emotions are weak. He doesn’t understand why you’re responding this way.

He’s upset that you’re wasting his precious time with your emotional needs.

He tells you, “Don’t cry”

Some narcissists respond to crying by simply telling you to stop crying. This is a reflection of their discomfort.

He may, for example, be feeling temporarily guilty or anxious, and want to suppress those feelings. But instead of withdrawing, he just projects his anger onto you.

Some men try to hide their anger by trying to act compassionate or emotional.

No big deal—I’m here for you. You don’t have to cry about it. It’s going to be okay.

While these words may seem comforting at first, he will use them strategically to foster a false sense of confidence.

He wants you to know that he can comfort you, and that you don’t need to “feel” sad around him.

He comforts you—and then uses it against you

Have you been in this dynamic before? He seems to do everything right when you cry. He listens to you and comforts you.

He doesn’t try to change your thoughts or feelings. He’s present and attuned.

And then, once things have settled, he throws you a curveball. The curveball can look like:

I don’t think we should be together anymore—you’re just too sensitive.

I’m tired of always having to deal with your emotions.

I would tell you what’s going on with me, but I don’t want you to panic about it.

Related : Why Do Narcissists Ignore You?

Now that some time has passed, I want you to go to therapy. You clearly have issues that need to be addressed.

This kind of reaction can be confusing and sad at the same time. In that moment of vulnerability, you felt like you could really trust him.

Unfortunately, he was thinking about how he could use this vulnerable experience to exploit you later.

HeMakesItEvenMoreImportantToHim

I can’t believe you’re the one crying when I’m going through so much.

You think you’re sad! Let me tell you what I had to deal with.

Your crying in public was so embarrassing. I had so many people come up to me asking what was wrong!

A narcissist rarely misses an opportunity to turn someone else’s spotlight onto themselves. They may do it blatantly or subtly, but it’s an inherent part of their personality.

You may notice this happening after you cry. It’s only when you realize you spent more time comforting them than the other way around.

You may also feel like you owe them an apology for crying (which they usually hope for!).

DoNarcissistsUnderstandYourEmotions?

At first, you may assume that narcissists don’t understand emotions at all.

But how does that explain how so many of them get into relationships, succeed at work, or fit in with the rest of the world? How does that explain why you’re with them in the first place?

So, does a narcissist empathize with how you’re feeling? Can they accurately distinguish one emotion from another?

And when they see you sad, how do they typically respond? Let’s explain that in more detail below.

Do narcissists understand why people cry?

Yes, narcissists understand why people cry.

Most narcissists are actually very intelligent. They have a perceptive awareness of human behavior, and they know what typically drives people to do certain things.

Moreover, many narcissists are keenly aware of how other people respond. They spend a great deal of time studying the world.

They pay close attention to different interactions and emotional expressions. Sometimes, they learn to read others very well.

In a way, this knowledge is essential to their survival. They need to feel connected and validated by others in order to feel loved.

So yes, they can logically understand why people cry. However, just because they understand the motivations, it doesn’t mean they like, tolerate, or even deal with your tears.

Do narcissists experience these emotions themselves?

It’s a misconception that narcissists don’t feel emotions. On the contrary, many of them feel emotions deeply.

In fact, their emotions are often so intense that they don’t know what to do with them.

So, they manipulate, attack, or act compulsively as a way to soothe themselves.

Narcissists feel sad. This often happens when their narcissistic supply is threatened. They suddenly feel vulnerable and alone, and it can lead to an emotional storm.

However, unlike most people, narcissists express their emotions to gain power and control.

They are not inherently interested in connection. They want to feel validated and comforted by their experiences. They want reassurance that you are there for them unconditionally.

And no matter what you offer or say, you can guarantee that it will not be good enough.

Why Do Narcissists Stare at You When You Cry?

The infamous stare can happen for a number of reasons.

First, it may be because they are genuinely shocked by your emotion. Since narcissists feel emotions differently than other people, they may have no real idea why you are crying.

So, in a sense, they are watching because it is so strange to them. It’s almost like how a visitor might watch an animal at the zoo.

Some narcissists stare at people when they cry as a way to demonstrate power. If this is the case, he wants to make you feel threatened and inferior.

He wants you to know that he is calm and collected even when you are falling apart. This type of reaction is typical of malignant narcissists. In this case, he comes across as practically a psychopath.

Finally, some narcissists are downright naive. They’re so self-absorbed that they don’t necessarily realize how their actions affect others.

This doesn’t mean they’re innocent—in fact, it highlights how emotionally vulnerable they are as a partner.

Do narcissists like you to cry?

It depends on the situation and your relationship. Let’s dive into some more specific examples.

It gives them a sense of power and control

When you cry, you’re clearly at a disadvantage. You’re consumed with emotion. You may not be thinking logically.

You may be scared or sad—but you’re also undoubtedly vulnerable and vulnerable.

What does this mean for a narcissist? It means they can choose how they respond carefully. They may decide to be the hero and comfort you.

They may decide to be calm and detached because they know it will make you feel even more anxious.

They may alternate between these—just to keep you on your toes.

If this erratic behavior confuses you, know that their motivations are intentional. He wants to have the upper hand in your dynamic.

He wants you to feel needed when you’re in a heightened emotional state.

ItAnnoysHim

Not all narcissists like crying. In fact, some find your feelings deeply uncomfortable. In their minds, you’re just distracting them from anything else they consider important.

If they’re upset, they’ll likely show it by making passive-aggressive comments, criticizing you directly, or pretending like they didn’t even notice.

This is because he doesn’t really want to make an effort to comfort you.

This makes him feel important

Some narcissists love to cry if you don’t normally cry in front of people. Knowing that your tears are just for them makes them feel important. This in turn can help to keep some of their egos in check.

You might know this is the case if he makes several comments about how honored he feels that you can be yourself around him.

At the same time, he might talk badly about other safe people (like your family, friends, or even a therapist) to make you hate them. In his world, he’s the only one who should be comforting you.

Suggested Reading: I Don’t Want to Be a Narcissist Anymore
This Makes Him Question Himself

Some narcissists become introspective when they see someone crying. Unfortunately, it’s a common misconception that their introspection means they’re actually committed to changing.

Instead, they typically ask themselves two questions:

How can I fix this as quickly as possible?

How can I fix my discomfort?

As you can see, he’s entirely focused on his own needs and feelings—not yours. He wants a quick fix to manage stress. He wants to get rid of any turbulent feelings he has.

DoesHeTurnThemOn?

Although it may seem sadistic, your crying can turn narcissists on. Some narcissists gain their narcissistic supply by feeling needed.

In a primal sense, a person’s crying often signals fear, uncertainty, or loneliness. So who becomes the hero worthy of note?

The narcissist! Ironically, he feels like he can be the hero even when he was the villain who made you cry in the first place.

So this feedback loop can undoubtedly turn him on. He feels like he has power and control in the relationship.

He knows he’s putting you in a vulnerable position. This can make him feel even more sexually attracted to you.

Sexual narcissists, in particular, thrive on having their high sexual needs met. They feel entitled to sex, and may use flattery to coerce people into having sex.

Your partner may be a sexual narcissist if they try to comfort or compliment you too much when you cry.

Unfortunately, since these types of people have limited sexual empathy, you may be more vulnerable to sexual abuse.

Do narcissists intentionally make you cry?

It may seem like a terrible question to ask yourself, but if you’re a victim of emotional manipulation, it’s no surprise that you’re wondering.

Most narcissists don’t directly try to make people cry. In general, they desperately want to be loved. Approval, after all, is everything to them.

Related : Do Narcissists Like Spending Time Alone?

But their actions in relationships aren’t healthy. They prioritize their own needs above anyone else’s. They dismiss any feedback or criticism.

They become unbalanced when things don’t go their way. As a result, their indirect actions often make others feel sad, frustrated, or afraid.

Some narcissists are more subtle. They may have no problem trying to “bring you down.” They don’t care if you cry in their presence—or if you feel sad at all.

Their goal is to maintain a high sense of power, and they will exploit anyone to achieve that great goal.

If you spend enough time with a narcissist, you’ll get an interesting read on how they respond to the emotions of others. However, they can still be quite unpredictable.

That’s because their actions aren’t necessarily in response to others. They’re in response to their own needs, desires, and motivations.

TheyPretendToCare

Some narcissists are very skilled at feigning empathy and support. Sometimes, you may even feel like your partner is actually turning their charm on and off.

In some ways, this may be true. The hot and cold behavior may even come from good intentions. Part of them may desperately want to support you when you’re going through a tough time.

But most of them struggle when they feel like they’re not in the spotlight. So, they alternate between appearing emotionally present and appearing just for themselves.

TheyStartFighting

Some narcissists are so incapable of dealing with other people’s emotions that they basically bring up the conflict. This is an attention-seeking habit.

They feel annoyed or burdened by your feelings. They don’t like the impact they might have on your relationship.

So, suddenly, they make the whole scene revolve around them.

They Start Crying Theirself

Narcissists don’t like feeling like they’re losing control in a situation. So, your emotional displays might trigger a tearful reaction.

Have you ever noticed this happening? One moment, you’re the one who needs comfort and love. But the next, you’re the one who’s offering them those things because they’re now in an emotional mess.

This behavior isn’t random. It’s a calculated move by him to get what he wants—your unwavering attention and approval.

TheyChangingTheSubject

Let’s go get dinner and forget about it completely!

I forgot to tell you about my work meeting today!

By the way, did I tell you my mom was coming over later?

Some narcissists are so uncomfortable with other feelings that they ignore them entirely. They often do this by changing the subject and talking about a completely unrelated issue.

At first, you might dismiss this behavior as naive. You might even give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s trying to distract you from things and make you feel better.

But chronically changing the subject just means he doesn’t like to sit with other feelings.

It might also mean he doesn’t find value in supporting others when they’re going through a tough time.

TheyTellYouNotToFeelThis

Don’t overreact. That’s okay.

Don’t get mad at me!

There’s no need to be sad; you have a lot to be grateful for.

Have you noticed a common thread in all of these cliché responses? They all downplay and even completely diminish your unique feelings.

It’s not just narcissists who judge others for their feelings. Many people feel uncomfortable expressing their own emotions.

But narcissists tend to insist on telling you what you should and shouldn’t feel. They think they’re the experts, after all! If they don’t think a certain situation is scary, then you shouldn’t feel it either.

If they don’t get angry about a certain issue, then you don’t have the right to get angry yourself. In their minds, everyone should act just like them.

So if you deviate from this line of thinking, if you express feelings they don’t normally express, their immediate reaction may be to argue about it.

Over time, this pattern can represent subtle emotional abuse. You no longer feel safe being yourself or feeling what you’re feeling.

You may think you need to completely distort yourself just to please the narcissist.

TheyMakeSeriousThreats

I’llGiveYouSomethingToCryAbout!

I’mGonnaLeave—ThisIsHorrible!

I’mGonnaShutYouUpOnceAndForAll.

If any of the above statements sound familiar, you’re probably dealing with a malignant narcissist. Or at the very least, you’re with someone who doesn’t really care about your well-being.

Be careful. This guy can become dangerous very quickly. You should consider leaving the relationship and finding a safe support system as soon as possible.

Do narcissists cry on their own?

It is a misconception that narcissists do not feel fear, loneliness, or insecurity. In fact, they tend to feel these emotions intensely.

But instead of dealing with them appropriately, they project their anxiety onto others.

They feed off someone else’s energy to restore their narcissistic supply. They need constant validation to feel relevant in this world.

Many narcissists cry. Some are downright obnoxious because of it. Have you ever felt manipulated by a narcissist with their lavish displays of affection?

Have you ever felt like they took your attention away from your emotions because they started crying—and then you needed to comfort them?

This strange type of manipulation and passive aggression can happen with grandiose and vulnerable narcissists.

Other narcissists are more persistent and even antisocial in nature. These narcissists never cry—even in appropriate situations like funerals.

Instead, they often come across as extremely judgmental, and look down on everyone around them.

FinalThoughts

Crying in front of a narcissist has undeniable consequences. You may not know the true cost of these consequences until you actually cry—or even months later!

It all depends on the narcissist, their motivations, and your current relationship. Likewise, they can “change” how they react based on what’s going on in their life.

It’s frustrating, but it’s not a reflection on you. Because narcissists can’t handle their own emotions well, they have a limited ability to tolerate the emotions of others.

Instead, they often become disengaged and even unbalanced. So even if they seem to handle your emotions well, there’s no guarantee that they’ll care for you.

You can’t always help if you cry in front of a narcissist. But if you’re in a relationship with a narcissist (and don’t plan on leaving), you may benefit from seeking out alternative sources of emotional support.

You deserve to feel safe with your emotions—no matter how extreme or challenging they may be.