First of all … sit down.
Take a breath.
The lies are coming thick and fast, aren’t they? You’re hearing them and your brain is swirling with anger at the injustice.
You wish you could get people to know the real truth – but you’re climbing uphill.
When a narcissist spreads lies about you, there’s a reason. And the lies are so believable.
So what do you do?
Luckily, I can help you here.
Lies Breed Frustration
What are your initial thoughts When you first hear any lies spread about you?
Maybe a friend or relative comes to you and says,
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“Hey, I heard something about you, and I’m not really cool with what was said.” Perhaps it’s more, “Sorry, I can’t meet you on Saturday. My plans have changed, and I can no longer see you.” S
uddenly, that’s the last time you see that person, and all because they believe the very convincing lies they heard about you.
- You’re crazy
- You’re abusive
- You lie
- You manipulate
- You cheat
- You get angry easily
- You intimidate
- You are controlling
- You gossip about your friends behind their backs
- You don’t like somebody
- You do like somebody
- You steal
Whatever the lies – you seem to be the only one who understands they are false.
The first thing you’ll feel is intense frustration as you can’t dive in and change the thoughts of those who hear the lies.
How could they think I’d say or do such a thing?
Well, easily if convinced by a narcissist…
You’re Normal to Feel This Way
Of course, it’s perfectly normal to feel what you’re feeling.
No one wants to talk about it, especially when it’s not real.
But narcissists know exactly what they’re doing, and they know that every ounce of your discomfort is fuel for them.
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Isn’t that childish? I mean, to think that an adult can get away with lying about other people seems absolutely ridiculous to me.
Yet, it happens all the time.
Well, it all depends on the lie.
Some narcissists simply love seeing you suffer. They know you’re sensitive and easily upset, so lying will help them.
Others know you love justice and hate the thought of any lie piling up on you forever. Why would they do that?!
Some narcissists know you’ll fight back and cause more problems, attracting negative attention and, ultimately, negative opinions about you.
Mostly, they know that some people will believe these lies—and that’s what they want.
They want to tarnish your reputation.
Giving You What You Don’t Want
That’s what they’re good at, isn’t it?!
Narcissists always give you what you don’t want, while promising you what you do want.
Yet, somehow, they get away with it.
Every time I read about this, I don’t really understand it. Yet, I see it. I hear about it. I’ve even experienced it myself!
The lies that turn into opinions will make you wish you’d never met the narcissist, but unfortunately, you can’t go back in time.
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What you can do is learn from what happened. How you met them, how you came to trust them. At some point, they recognized you and decided to treat you unfairly, and that’s where these lies were born.
This can be through:
Punishment
Hitting blows
Revenge
To make themselves look good
Whatever the reason, you have to learn to cope.
Quick_Ways_To_Cope
- Stay Calm
Count to ten.
Go for a walk.
Visit a friend.
Meditate.
Go for a swim.
Go to the gym.
Do whatever it takes to stay calm. You won’t find any relief or comfort in exploding or giving the narcissist what they want.
Remember that part of the reason they spread lies about you is to make you look like a liar. If you protest too much or start talking bad about the narcissist, people will assume you’re just as bad as them.
And you’re not!
- Discover Your Truth
Narcissistic abuse often leaves people lost in confusion, but your truth is still there.
It always was; the narcissist just abandoned it.
Your truth is where you should be whenever you hear a narcissist spreading lies about you. You know the truth, and yes, sometimes painfully, that’s the only place you’re allowed to be.
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But guess what? That’s enough.
- Realize You Can’t Control Others
You probably already know this, and you’d never imagine trying to do what a narcissist does to you: control you.
However, I must remind you that you can’t claim control either when someone is talking about you. Asking them to stop will only make matters worse, and they’ll know they’re using you if you try.
I understand how difficult it is to hear the lies being spread about you. You want to ask this person to stop and reflect on their actions. You even hope to demonstrate some moral values and encourage them to reconsider their behavior, but no.
It’s simply something you have to accept, and gently asking them not to spread lies won’t stop them from spreading.
- Find Strength in Your Loved Ones
Sounds obvious, right?
Talk to your loved ones.
I want to make sure you understand how dangerous narcissists can be, believe me.
Some of you will be lucky to have trusted friends or family around you if the narcissist is particularly vicious.
Talking to those you love or trust allows you to express your feelings.
Tell people about your frustrations and give them space.
People are annoying, and when they upset you, you want to retaliate and retaliate.
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Don’t do that.
Just keep talking and use your voice to soothe and dispel those annoyances.
- Keep smiling.
The more negative your reactions, the more positive the narcissist will be.
Remember—it’s not about you, it’s about them. They want and need your tears and emotions. They can’t last long without stealing your radiance and light.
Spreading lies about you will only make you behave in ways you may later regret. This doesn’t mean you have to fade your smile just to brighten up their world.
Trust me—a smile can be the best revenge.
