First… Sit down.
Take a deep breath.
The lies keep coming at you, right? You hear them, and your mind is seething with anger at the injustice.
You wish you could get people to know the truth, but you’re going uphill.
When a narcissist lies about you, there’s a reason. And the lies are believable.
So what do you do?
Luckily, I can help here.
Lies Breed Frustration
What are your initial thoughts when you first hear any lies spread about you?
Maybe a friend or relative comes up to you and says:
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“Hi, I heard something about you, and I don’t like it.” Maybe it’s more like: “Sorry, I can’t meet you on Saturday. My plans have changed, and I can’t see you anymore.” Suddenly, that’s the last time you ever see that person, all because they believe the convincing lies they’ve heard about you.
- You’re crazy
- You’re abusive
- You lie
- You manipulate
- You cheat
- You get angry easily
- You bully
- You control
- You gossip about your friends behind their backs
- You don’t like someone
- You like someone
- You steal
No matter how many lies you tell, you seem to be the only one who realizes they’re false.
The first thing you’ll feel is intense frustration because you can’t intervene and change the minds of those who hear the lies.
How could I possibly say or do something like that?
Well, easily if a narcissist convinced me…
It’s Normal To Feel This
Of course, it’s perfectly normal to feel how you feel.
No one wants to talk about it, especially when it’s not true.
But narcissists know exactly what they’re doing, and they know that every ounce of your discomfort is fuel for them.
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Isn’t that childish? I mean, to think that an adult could get away with lying about others seems absolutely ridiculous to me.
And yet, it happens all the time.
Why Do They Do It?!
Well, it all depends on the lying.
Some narcissists simply love seeing you suffer. They know you’re sensitive and easily upset, so lying will help them.
Others know you love justice and hate the thought of any lie piling up forever.
Some narcissists know you’ll fight back and cause more problems, attracting negative attention and, ultimately, negative opinions about you.
Mostly, they know some people will believe these lies—and that’s what they want.
They want to tarnish your reputation.
Giving You What You Don’t Want
That’s what they’re good at, isn’t it?!
Narcissists always give you what you don’t want and always promise you what you want.
And yet, they somehow get away with it.
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Every time I read about this, I don’t really understand it. Yet, I see it. I hear about it. I’ve even experienced it myself!
The lies that turn into opinions will make you wish you’d never met the narcissist, but unfortunately, you can’t go back in time.
What you can do is learn from what happened. How you met them, how you trusted them. At some point, they got to know you and decided to treat you unfairly, and that’s where these lies were born.
This can be through:
Punishment
Violent kicking
Revenge
To make them look good
Whatever the reason, you have to learn how to cope.
Quick Coping
- Stay Calm
Count to ten.
Go for a walk.
Go visit a friend.
Meditate.
Go for a swim.
Go to the gym.
Do whatever it takes to stay calm. You won’t find any relief or comfort in exploding or giving the narcissist what they want.
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Remember, part of the reason they spread lies about you is to make you look like a liar. If you protest too much or start talking bad about the narcissist, people will assume you’re just as bad as them.
And you’re not!
- Discover Your Reality
Narcissistic abuse often leaves people lost in confusion, but the real you is still there.
It always has been; But the narcissist ignored it.
Your truth is where you should be whenever you hear a narcissist spreading lies about you. You know the truth, and yes, sometimes painfully, this is the only place you’re allowed to be.
But guess what? That’s enough.
- Realize You Can’t Control Others
You probably already know this, and you’d never imagine trying to do what the narcissist did to you: control you.
However, it’s my duty to remind you that you can’t claim control either when someone is talking about you. Asking them to stop will only make things worse, and they’ll know they’re meddling in your business if you try.
Hearing lies being spread about you is difficult, and I get that. You want to ask that person to stop and reflect on their actions. You even hope to show some lesson and encourage them to reconsider their behavior, but no.
It’s something you have to accept, and your gentle request to stop spreading lies won’t stop them from spreading them.
- Find Strength in Your Loved Ones
Sounds obvious, right?
Talk to Your Loved Ones.
I want to make sure you understand how dangerous narcissists can be, really.
Some of you will be lucky to have trusted friends or family around you if the narcissist is particularly vicious.
Talking to people you love or trust can allow you to express your feelings.
Tell people about your frustrations and give them space to express them.
Frustrations are upsetting, and when they upset you, you want to retaliate and retaliate.
Don’t do that. Keep talking and use your voice to soothe and release those frustrations.
- Keep Smiling
The more negative your reactions, the more positive the narcissist will feel.
Remember—it’s not about you, it’s about them. They want and need your tears and emotions. They can’t last long without stealing your radiance and light.
Spreading lies about you will only make them behave in ways they may later regret. This doesn’t mean you have to fade your smile just to brighten up their world.
Trust me—a smile can be the best revenge.
