Society puts a lot of pressure on us to “take the high road” when someone does us wrong. We’re supposed to turn the other cheek, tell them we won’t even succeed because we’re better than them, and go about our daily lives without them in the picture.
But sometimes, people don’t quite understand what it means to “take the high road.”
What does it mean to take the high road?
Taking the high road means choosing a path or making a decision that is morally acceptable and will not hurt others in the process.
Spiritual life coach Caroline Hidalgo says that taking the high road is “giving up on the need to be right by expressing any judgment, resentment, or blame that someone is wrong or bad.”
But for those who take the high road, that doesn’t mean we forgive them, and it doesn’t mean keeping them in the picture. What that means is non-retaliation, and that’s a difference that many people don’t understand.
Where does the phrase “take the high road” come from?
Taking the highway comes across the pond. The British used this term to describe their main streets in the literal sense of the word; They called them the “high streets”, while the back streets were called the “low streets”.
The phrase “take the high road” became popular during the 1948 US presidential campaign where it was used to describe how Thomas Dewey handled Harry Truman’s dirty campaign tactics.
In most situations, taking the high road is commendable and will make things go better for you. It’s a classy way to handle a situation, and often the best option in a professional setting (as with Thomas Dewey).
Is taking the high road a good thing?
While being intentional about taking the high road can be a good thing, it is unfortunately not the answer to everything.
Here’s the problem with taking the highway all the time:
Some people assume it’s a sign that they’ve “won.” Others may assume that because nothing bad ever happens, they can still do bad things to you and other people.
When you’re dealing with people who have hurt you or done something crazy to try to control you, taking the high road puts yourself and others at risk because of their bad behavior.
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“Your first responsibility is to take care of your emotional health (emotional intelligence, IQ),” adds counselor and therapist Audrey Tate. Because taking the high road only works if the person you are dealing with has morals and ethics that match yours.
Some people need consequences to learn their lesson, and taking the high road eliminates those consequences.
Others will assume that it’s okay to be taken advantage of and treated like trash if you don’t retaliate. With these people, you need to make sure they feel the brunt of the damage being done to them. Otherwise, they will hurt more people and may continue to hurt you.
So, sometimes you can take the high road, but I’ll take the low road. You can be the bigger person, but I’ll just intrude.
The trick to breaking even is knowing how to do it in a classy and effective way that doesn’t necessarily hurt you in the long run.
Here’s how to deal with people who don’t understand the idea of taking the high road.
- Put them in blast mode.
If there’s one thing people can’t stand, it’s getting blown up and exposed for the bad things they’ve done.
People often need to feel like the good guy, even when they know what they did was terrible. They need “positive press” or at least silence to continue living their lives their way.
This is why many narcissists do preventive damage control before breaking up.
- Make sure to make them uncomfortable in your presence.
This may be easy to do with people who have morals and ethics, but it is difficult to do if you are dealing with a narcissist.
The easiest way to achieve this is to treat them very coldly when you are around other people. Others will wonder why, and this will make the narcissist very uncomfortable.
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- Criticize them.
Narcissists want the world to revolve around the pretense they think they have, so what better way to make them suffer than to point out all the little things that are wrong or could be better with them?
Heck, even criticize the way they hurt you. Were they original or did they copy someone else’s ways?
- Tell them no.
These people believe that they deserve everyone’s care and attention, so respond to them and do not give them your attention. They may turn this around and paint themselves as the victim, but does that matter if you want them to suffer for what they did to you?
Instead of you being their victim, they are now your victim and have to deal with that.
- Live your best life.
A narcissist is obsessed with getting the best of everything, so if they go out and start living a better life than they have now, it will eat them up from the inside. Leave them behind and focus on yourself. Build your network and gain some skills you’ve always wanted.
“When you feel okay, you can connect with the other person,” Tait recommends. “Right now, you may need to do diaphragmatic breathing to calm yourself down. It’s like being on a plane — if the cabin pressure changes and the plane mask falls off, you should put it on yourself first. You’re worth it! Look after yourself.”
The bottom line is that some people need a kick in the teeth before they learn to stop behaving this way. And if you think about it, getting revenge on these people is a good way to do the right thing by making sure they think twice before they try this behavior again.
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