If you always look at the cake, you’ll never see the flour.
To see the flour, you have to be able to look past the product and its density.
Seeing the panic inside a narcissist is no different. Yes, there they are, a product of their ugly, inflated ego. But where is the panic they’re made of?
Because let’s be brutal here—narcissists are not made of love and compassion!
If you want to see the panic inside, you need to know what makes a narcissist panic inside.
I’ll give you a little disclaimer:
It’s so funny.
Red Alert!
Oh my god. We have a P-code situation going on.
No, I don’t mean I need to find the nearest bathroom, I’m talking about:
Panic!
The air is changing, isn’t it? It’s filling up with a thickness that can take your breath away, and it’s all coming from the narcissist.
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They’re in a panic and they’re trying really hard to hide the feeling, so what usually happens is that they kind of have steam coming out of their ears and they’re trying to hold it in.
Okay, I don’t mean actual steam, obviously, but I mean real energy shifts.
When the narcissist’s internal panic button is pushed, only they know how it feels. We have to deal with what it looks like for the rest of us.
And from that, our own emotions kick in.
Seeing A Narcissist Panic
Once you really realize that a narcissist is in a panic, you’ll know right away.
The next few layers of emotion and display will become easier and easier to break through.
For now, let me explain.
Panic looks like this:
Anger
I mean real anger. Suddenly, all the control that narcissists thrive on is taken away.
They hate that change—it means they’re at the mercy of something or someone.
Anger can be blaming you, yelling, intimidating, threatening, accusing, projecting, or spreading lies about you – whatever it takes to produce results that mask their panic.
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Panic is weakness for them! They can’t be seen as confused!
Being Overly Friendly
They have some damage control to do if they need to get out of their problem quickly.
This can look like making a mistake at work, and they need a day or two to cover up all the evidence.
If they have to be overly nice to someone for that to happen, they will.
Blocking
They block people they panic about because they feel threatened.
Their masculinity or femininity has been called out, so they have no choice but to block, hoping the problem will then go away.
Where does panic come from?
Most narcissistic panic comes from a loss of control.
I’ll tell you a true story about a friend who had a narcissistic father and older brother. I’ll call her Sasha.
Sasha hadn’t been in contact with her father and brother for several years.
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She only sent her father a few messages when there was damage or defects in the house he still owned with her mother (he lived in a flat at the other end of town, which they also owned jointly and were going through a separation).
One day, the boiler in Sasha’s mother’s house broke down. No hot water. No heating.
She called her now-husband – a plumber – to come and have a look. He did, and said he’d “fixed it”, only for it to break down completely the next day.
Sasha’s mother went to have a look at the boiler, only to realise it had a leak.
The wall was damp and mouldy – it was a hazard. Whenever she knew her father was out of town, Sasha would let her son stay in the house, as would her two brothers.
Some had respiratory problems, and it could be dangerous, so she texted her father to tell him how neglectful he was.
Before she knew it, Sasha’s mom received a text from her father that wasn’t nice at all, followed by an angry phone call from her older brother.
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Sasha threatened their mom with a restraining order, told their mom how narcissistic Sasha was, and wished she was dead for daring to text and blame their dad.
Sasha hadn’t been in touch with either of them, and in the past year she had only sent her dad two texts if something was serious in the house.
Each time, her dad would call her brother and blame the drama. Together, they worked to irritate each other, and the threats to Sasha came thick and fast.
Hearing this story led me to several conclusions.
Sasha’s dad and brother were narcissists. They displayed classic signs of inner weakness and insecurity, and they masked these traits by over-asserting their masculinity with threats.
Her brother was particularly vulnerable, and he should have spoken out about the damage.
Instead, Sasha did, and it likely made her male sibling feel inadequate. So he took out his anger on Sasha.
He panicked. So did her father. Their shoddy work over time had been nonexistent, and the boiler had been deliberately neglected.
Now people know.
So what do they do?
They plan.
LosingYou/LosingSupply
If the narcissist feels they are losing you, the panic will come from the correct assumption that they will have no place to get their supply.
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Losing you means losing what they have grown accustomed to over time, and now they will have to find a replacement – and fast.
Panic Stations!
The cycle of abuse is over – and you are ending it. They try and try to keep you, to no avail.
This is the main reason why narcissists panic on the inside. They never prepare for this.
They always assume that you will stick around and be the obedient victim they made you out to be, but life doesn’t always work out the way you think it will.
Once you start doing these things, the narcissist will panic:
- Making new friends
- Starting a new job
- Finding a new hobby
- Going out and taking walks more
- Connecting with family and friends for days out
- Caring less and less about what they think
- Not listening to them when they yell at you
- Not caring about their silent treatment
What to do?
How dare you try to live your life!
Related : 8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make
When The Panic Is All On The Inside
Narcissists tend to hide panic because it’s another way of hiding reality – something they’re very used to.
If what others can’t see isn’t picked up on, then it doesn’t exist.
But it does exist. And it exists in ways other than “panic.”
