In preparing to write this article, I intended to highlight how the narcissistic personality remains largely misunderstood by the public. Specifically, I find that most clients and lay individuals I talk to about narcissism tend to associate it with a sense of superiority, which means they understand that narcissists have inflated egos.
While displays of outward superiority are a defining part of the narcissistic personality, feeling superior (or striving for it) is not the central factor of the disorder. The root of the disorder is a strict resistance to feeling vulnerable towards anyone at any time.
Where does narcissistic personality disorder come from? Here’s a simple description of how this works: The narcissist doesn’t trust others with whom he or she is in close relationships. Because the narcissist does not trust others, he refuses to put himself in a position where he feels weak. Despite the outward appearance of grandiosity and superiority, the narcissist lives in a state of anxiety and hypervigilance.
Think about it: People can’t feel good about themselves all the time, despite a narcissist’s desperate attempts. The narcissist fears that admitting any weakness will give someone else the opportunity to take advantage of it or control it.
To maintain a facade and ward off any occasional feelings of weakness or weakness, he learns to overcompensate by acting stronger and stronger than he feels. Again, the root of a disturbed personality is always linked to weakness. The mastery part of personality organization is secondary; Aversion to weakness is basic.
Related : 7 Sneaky Tactics Narcissists Use To Escape Responsibility
Since vulnerability is so central to the narcissistic personality, my original intention was to suggest that renaming the narcissistic personality would help make this ambiguous and complex personality disorder less confusing to the public. If narcissistic personality disorder were renamed to express an aversion to weakness, it might help ordinary men and women discover this personality type in individuals in their own lives; Education can help save people from unnecessary pain in relationships with people who have a narcissistic personality.
The name that I think best captures the central components is “vulnerability-avoidant/superiority-seeking personality disorder.” The term is indeed full of jargon, but so is “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” Although the name contains pop psychology jargon, it at least clearly explains to the general public what this disorder is.
What does the term “narcissistic personality disorder” explain? A little bit. Is the audience supposed to point to an ancient myth—Narcissus caught staring at himself in a reflecting pool—to make sense of it?
But my intention took a different turn when I started thinking about a specific group of narcissists who break from the typical orientation of narcissists. People sometimes say that narcissists don’t go to therapy because they don’t want to let the therapist look at or expose their flaws. However, it is not true that narcissists do not seek treatment. Many narcissistic men and women do this.
Why? Because someone or something in their life has hurt their ego and weakened their self-image. Someone or something has made them feel like maybe they’re not so great, or maybe they need someone to support them to feel good about themselves.
In short, narcissists seeking treatment are not true narcissists or total narcissists. These men and women do not necessarily meet the criteria required for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder, although they may have several key narcissistic traits.
The point is that seeking help from a therapist requires some willingness to be vulnerable, and thus true narcissists cannot go to therapy because they cannot control the anxiety, sadness, and even anger that might arise if they reveal their true selves. themselves to the processor. Simply put, true narcissists have no interest in introspection or self-improvement. Their guiding principle: Never let your guard down.
The fact that some narcissistic individuals seek treatment and others do not is a reminder that all disorders exist on a spectrum, and most people with disordered behavior or disordered personality may have several traits of a given disorder without meeting the full set of criteria.
Narcissism is complex, but it can be better understood by reading more about it. I encourage my clients to read about narcissistic personality, but therapists should continue to read as well, to ensure the best possible understanding of the topic.
