I love talking about narcissists’ pasts, because I can almost hear their panicked screams when I start.
They run for the hills. They cover their ears. They smile sweetly and say there’s nothing wrong.
But there’s always a problem covered up in lies.
So what exactly is a narcissist’s past that they will never admit to, no matter how much you ask?
I feel it’s my duty to tell you, because theirs is certainly not all rosy.
The Past: Nothing to Be Ashamed Of
Okay, our pasts may not always be painted like a rose garden, a tea party, and a beautiful day, but is there really anything to be ashamed of?
I think life is about stages and versions of yourself that exist or have existed.
If you’re not particularly proud of a part of your past, I look at it as a memory, a person you once were.
While you are technically the same body and mind, that body and mind have changed over time, along with your morals, values, and opinions.
Related : What Narcissists Will Never Admit About Their Past
In other words – we live and learn.
Narcissists reject shame. They don’t want to be anywhere near it. And if it happens that their past isn’t perfect, they will never portray it that way. It would be like a rose garden, or a tea party, or a beautiful day…
…even if it was!
The past is a problem for narcissists – and it’s often because:
Narcissist’s Past: They’ll Never Admit These Things!
1 Their Childhood Dynamics
Interactions, patterns, relatives, and their roles – and what those roles looked like when they played them. All of this is important, and it’s all included in the family dynamics.
So where did the narcissist fit into their dynamics over the years? What did their past consist of, and how did it shape them into the toxic people they are today?
It makes sense that they would somehow grow up in a home where they were neglected or didn’t get the love or attention they wanted. There has to be something that makes sense, that justifies their behavior, right?
Related : 11 Things Narcissists Do To Keep You Financially Dependent
But you won’t get the truth. You may hear that they had a hard time, and they can play on that, using it as an excuse for how they treated you. But you will never hear the whole truth.
2 Vulnerabilities
Children are more vulnerable to physical or emotional abuse. They don’t get to choose the home they grow up in, who raises them, and how.
As we get older, we are still vulnerable to hurt and pain. But it’s out of our hands, right?
If someone no longer loves you and wants to leave the relationship, there’s not much you can do about it.
Any type of vulnerability a narcissist has will be similar, so they choose anger over sadness.
They don’t like to cling very much, and they love very deeply. Because of this, you will never hear them talk about past relationships and how their ending made them feel. All you will hear is stuff like this:
It didn’t really mean anything to me.
I’m better off without them anyway.
They were just boring!
Who cares? I’ll move on to the next one!
God forbid they are vulnerable and in love – they are seen as just weakness.
3 How They Reacted to Trauma
Trauma is a complex concept that is different for each person affected by it.
As a child, those innate, unseen emotions are more raw and authentic – fear, loneliness, and withdrawal.
Trauma fundamentally changes people, and can carry over into adulthood. While some deal with it and overcome it in therapy, others swallow it and keep it inside themselves.
Related : Things Narcissists Will Never Tell You About Their Fears
This can lead to emotional and personal drama.
I went through this, and now I have to figure out a way to pretend it never happened.
So I’m going to make up for it and act like I’ve had a perfect life.
If anything, narcissists make fun of other people’s trauma.
Oh my god, get over it.
We’ve all had a hard life – nothing special about yours!
People who talk about their trauma are brave and open about vulnerability.
This is how we connect as humans. When someone is able to connect with another person, we find something normal.
Narcissists prefer to look down on people who speak up.
Isn’t it a shame that they can’t just pour their hearts out and speak the actual truth, not just their distorted version of it?
4 Number of exes
Oh, you know, I’ve had a few partners in the past.
You might hear this kind of reaction to the number of narcissists if they want to downplay the number of people they’ve slept with, but on the other hand, the opposite might happen:
Related : What Narcissists Really Want From Their Victims
More than I can count. Which means you should consider yourself lucky that I chose you!
That’s gross.
Don’t flatter yourself.
5 How They Don’t Talk to Their Exes Anymore
That’s true.
So you’re telling me that they don’t have an ex on their social media? Is it stored in their phone? Do they call them when their day or night seems particularly lonely?
Don’t believe it for a second.Their exes may be part of their past, but they’re lying to you if they tell you they don’t communicate with at least one of them.
6 People Who Accuse Them of Being Narcissists
Imagine if they gave you what you wanted.
You’re right. I’m a narcissist. People used to tell me this all the time!
That would never happen.
Related : What Really Makes A Narcissist Panic Inside
Opening up to you about past conflicts where they were wrong, or where they were accused of being the person you knew they were, will help you, not them.
They don’t want to weigh your thoughts down.
Any accusations will remain firmly under lock and key—forever!
7 Why They Really Moved
Narcissists love to pack up and move when things don’t go their way.
When their world starts to irrevocably fall apart, they’d rather get up and move than stay and fall into the fire.
Related : WARNING: How Narcissists Use Your Children Against You
If their reputation is in tatters, they need a fresh start somewhere where no one knows them, and they can rebuild their image and ego…
…with a new group of people!
This is half the reason why narcissists find it so easy to move on.
