You meet someone so charming that you feel like you’re being charmed or enchanted by their wit, their charm, and their grace.
It’s a perfect act and one that I can safely say deserves a Golden Globe.
Once you feel that spell cast on you, I want you to know that you are officially the next victim of a narcissist.
You may not feel it right away. After all, you feel satisfied, loved, heard, and desired…
…It won’t last.
What they really want from you is for everything to take a deep, dark turn…
Do You See Yourself A Victim?
Most people won’t do this until they realize how much chaos the narcissist has created in their lives.
Even then, some people don’t like the term “victim,” because it carries less powerful connotations than they would like to describe it.
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Ultimately, in toxic relationships, there will always be a victim, and there will always be an abuser.
This means that the narcissist in your life is in your life because they want something from you. You serve some kind of purpose for them, and nothing more.
What Makes You a Victim
Do you struggle to set boundaries? Do you always put others before yourself?
Do you just want to see everyone happy, no matter how sad you are? Are you kind? Do you find charm a romantic trait? Do you overshare your history and problems?
None of these characteristics make you weak at all, they’re just the way you’ve evolved because of your past.
But victims usually have one or more of the above traits, and that’s more valuable than gold to a narcissist.
And they’ll chase you down very quickly.
Narcissist Desire
When a narcissist sees something they want, they rarely back down and let it pass them by unnoticed.
If it seems like an opportunity to get what they want from you, their determination will be the thing that puts you in a problematic situation – and will make them a very happy narcissist!
Related : How To Brilliantly Outsmart A Narcissist
“What do you want from me?”
No one would ask a narcissist this question when they first meet – oh my – the idea that they’re a narcissist wouldn’t even enter their mind!
Instead, victims give the narcissist what they really want…
Information
Information is a constant need for the narcissist, but I will work on understanding what you mean from beginning to end.
When you first meet them, the information they need is very intense. The narcissist wants to get to know you quickly.
What are you afraid of?
What triggers you?
What scares you the most?
What was your childhood like?
Did you have many friends?
What did you like to do for fun?
Do you have hobbies?
Anything they can learn about you, they will learn. And what they do with that information is store it so they never forget it.
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As long as you give them this information, they build powerful weapons to use against you later.
They can’t get to you if they don’t know how to.
Over time, the information may change. It may start to include where you’re going, and who you’re going with.
What is your phone password, and why you suddenly want to sign up for a gym.
They want to know who you work with, and what route you take. Don’t be surprised if they want you to have a tracking app on your phone that tells you where the other person is at all times.
And don’t be surprised if they don’t have a tracking app at all.
Think about agencies like the police or the FBI. Without information, their job is pretty much useless.
They need locations, people, descriptions, history, and contact information. They can’t do their job properly and solve a case without collecting and controlling it.
Narcissists work similarly. They can’t gain proper control without information from you.
Knowing everything they need to know, they can start pulling strings, setting up dynamics, or framing the scene to work in their favor.
It’s a twisted game, but this kind of information—including your vulnerabilities—will help them stay in control.
Now, let’s dive into the offer, and what it entails.
The Sweet Offer
To a narcissist, the offer is sweet. It’s the best thing ever—the nectar of the soul. They extract it like maple syrup, and they tap you until you give them what they need…
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…at your expense.
Over time, you learn how it works. The word “supply” encompasses all sorts of sins, but taking that supply might look like this:
Money
If you have the money, they’ll want it. At the very least, they want to be a part of how you spend it, and feel like they have a say in how it’s spent.
Compliments
If they know you’re the first to notice something different about them, they’ll love anticipating what you say to them.
“You look amazing!” “I love your new car!”
“You must be proud of yourself for getting that promotion!”
They’ll remember all the ego-boosting ways you can lift their spirits. So you’ll be first on their list the next time they need it.
Sex
You’re the one who satisfies them, and they know it’s the best (for now) they can find.
There’s no love or emotional intimacy behind sex, and that’s what you’re likely to miss.
But wait, this isn’t about you—you’re the giver, not the taker!
Satisfaction
Emotions can take a darker turn when a narcissist enjoys seeing you upset, scared, or even crying.
He builds the scenario, puts you in line with him, and watches you crumble.
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He really loves seeing you upset, and the reason is that something in your sadness resonates with his own inner sadness.
He feels better when others feel what they feel deep down.
control
No narcissist on this planet hates being in control. That’s where they want to be every day—at the top of the food chain.
They pull the strings, ensuring that everyone runs after them. “You’re the only one I can count on.”
Imagine what that kind of statement does to someone whose sole intention is to feel like they have a purpose.
This will make them hang on every word, and when that statement drops, they’ll be caught up in this dynamic by the narcissist. Don’t you think that’s so insidious?
