Key Points
People who are low in narcissism tend to promote their partner early in their relationship, but people who are high in narcissism do not.
Narcissistic people, especially men, tend to have partners who view them particularly positively early in the relationship.
Partners of narcissists may miss out on key relationship benefits from their promotion.
Narcissists tend to be attracted to high-quality partners who are physically attractive or high in status. They are also known for their lack of commitment to partners, playing games, and tending to seek out a better partner. When narcissists find themselves in long-term relationships, how do they view their partners and how might these perceptions change over time?
To believe that a partner is worthy of them, they need to see that partner as sufficiently attractive and high in status. But narcissists have a deep need to feel good about themselves, and this often comes at the expense of others. This means that they often overestimate themselves compared to others and blame others for conflicts and problems. While many studies show that happy couples tend to view each other through rose-colored glasses, especially early in a relationship, what we know about narcissists suggests that this may not be the case for them. In a series of studies just published in the Journal of Personality Research, Anna Charna and her colleagues explored how narcissists view their partners and how this might change throughout a relationship. In two studies, Charna and her colleagues surveyed individuals in romantic relationships to assess their levels of narcissism and partner enhancement. In the first study, they measured partner enhancement by asking survey participants to make direct comparisons between themselves and their partner on a range of traits (e.g., physical attractiveness, career success, and displays of affection). They asked questions such as “Who is more physically attractive?” and participants answered on a scale from “My partner definitely” to “I am.” In the second study, the researchers asked participants to rate themselves and their partners on a range of traits (e.g., sociable, intelligent, attractive) and subtracted participants’ self-ratings from their ratings of their partner. Partner enhancement is defined as viewing one’s partner more positively than one views oneself; self-enhancement is the opposite. The researchers also asked participants to report the length of their current relationship, so they could compare those relationships at the early and late stages of their relationships.
Related : Narcissistic Love Patterns: The Romantic
In both studies, the researchers found that people who were low in narcissism tended to boost their partners if they were in a relatively new relationship, but not if they were in a longer relationship. On the other hand, those who were high in narcissism did not boost their partners at any point in the relationship.
The first two studies surveyed only one member of a romantic couple. In their third and final study, Czarna and her colleagues surveyed both members of each couple. Both partners completed measures of narcissism and partner boosting, similar to previous studies. The researchers again found that people who were low in narcissism tended to boost their partners if they were in a relatively new relationship, but not if they were in a longer relationship, while people who were high in narcissism did not boost their partners in either case.
Because this study had data from both partners, they were also able to examine how your partner’s narcissism relates to your tendency to boost your partner—that is, how does your partner’s narcissism relate to whether you boost them? They found that people high in narcissism were more likely than those low in narcissism to be boosted by their partners, especially male narcissists early in the relationship. This suggests that male narcissists, in particular, are attracted to partners who boost their ego early on. These findings suggest that although narcissists have high standards for their high-quality partners, they still do not view them very favorably when compared to themselves. Thus, partners of narcissists are missing out on key relationship benefits from being boosted by their partners.
