Love When Depressed: Do you know what it feels like to be in love when you are depressed? People say we need to love ourselves first and everything else will go along with it. But did you know? This is easier said than done, especially when you’re someone who struggles with depression every minute and every second of your life.
Depression can dramatically change the way you look at the world.
It is unlike grief or grief, which you can eventually get over once you give yourself time to process the feelings. Depression is a mood disorder with several symptoms that negatively affects the way we think and feel about things around us. It is not easy to fall in love when you are depressed.
What it’s like to be in love when depressed
Love with depression: only people who suffer from it know how much negativity it brings. I was unaware of this disorder until it struck me during my graduation days and turned my world completely upside down.
I’ve lost all hope of living and never thought I could write this.
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Depression has been my companion for a long time. I took medication, went to therapy, and sometimes I was fine, other times I gave up. I have been plagued by suicidal thoughts in my waking life as well as in my dreams. It was like going to hell and back.
All this time I was in a relationship with a wonderful human being who never left my side even on days when my condition made me reject him. The good part? He never gave up on the hope that one day I would get over this and be at peace with him. I cannot thank my lucky stars more than how much I already thank you for having him by my side.
So, what does it mean to love someone with depression?
There were days when I would completely give up, and withdraw inside my shell. He could never ask me for anything, knowing how much this silence means to me. There were many moments when I felt exhausted for no reason, and my eyes filled with tears. He would simply look me in the eye, ask for nothing, holds me close, and put me in his arms.
Some days, these intense feelings of him drive me crazy. I became sensitive to any trivial mistake on his part. Anything he would say, I would take it personally and feel so hurt. I forgot he was human too.
And at times, I would push him away with guilt for not being able to reciprocate what he deserved. Many thoughts used to crowd in my mind, completely overwhelming me with emotions. After all, loving someone with depression is not so easy.
It was like hanging over the edge of a deep cliff, clinging to each other, not letting go. Once we leave everything will fall apart.
I know all of this affected him deeply and upset him, but I wonder what made him stand by me. He never lost an opportunity to remind me how much I cared for him, how much he valued me, and how much he loved me.
Even when being with me was like living life on a roller coaster, he never complained about how miserable I was. But I ended up doubting him, and loving him, because, in reality, all I was doing was doubting myself, my worth, and my worth.
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If unconditional acceptance doesn’t look like that, I don’t know how. Every day for me was a struggle. That’s what I felt. But I still can’t understand how he made my love, look so effortless.
All I’ve learned, through years of being the true love of my life, is that when you have someone who simply accepts you for who you are, is patient with you, and never leaves you halfway, you will understand that mental illness is not a curse.
You will learn how important it is to be yourself.
You don’t always have to be your best version, you don’t always have to be happy, you don’t always have to succeed, and you don’t always have to look your best, yet you can still rock the world.
Having a mental illness is just a way of being. If you are a depressed person who is in love, this is not something to be ashamed of. Falling in love when you’re depressed is a different matter.
