Dear Authorized Partner,

What I’m about to say is not something I’m going to say or admit (to you), because to do so would end the winner-takes-all game that is the main source of joy in life – the game that actually keeps you carrying my load in our relationship. And that’s the point.

Can a narcissist love you?

Well, when I say “I love you” I mean I love how hard you work to make me feel like I’m your everything, that I’m the center of your life, that you want me to be happy, that I’ll never do that and you’re expected to do the same.

I love the power I have to tap into your kindness and intentions to be kind, and the pleasure I derive from making myself feel huge compared to you, and taking every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.

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I love the feeling it gives me to think of you as weak, vulnerable and emotionally tender, and I love to look down on you for your innocence and childish naivety, as a weakness.

I love the way I feel when I know that through gaslighting, what you want to discuss or address will never happen, and I love this “power” to train you to feel “crazy” for even bringing up or bringing up issues that have nothing to do with the topic. I’m not really interested in lowering your expectations of me and what I can offer you, while raising your expectations of you.

I love how easy it is to keep your sole focus on relieving my pain (never yours!), and that no matter what you do, you will never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, appreciated enough, And so on. (Misery loves company.)

(It’s not about the closeness, sympathy, or emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend interacting with you or the kids, etc. It’s about my place and doing my job in order to keep you where you are, hurting Focusing on feeling my pain prevents you from feeling appreciated. For me, I am superior and entitled to all the pleasure, admiration and comfort between us, remember?)

“I love you” means that I love the way I feel when you are with me, and more specifically, regarding you as a piece of property that I own, my life. Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which it enhances my standing in the eyes of others, lets them know I’m the best, etc. I like to think that other people are jealous of my possessions.

I love the power I have to make you work hard to prove your love and devotion, and I wonder what else you have to do to “prove” your loyalty.

“I love you” means I like the way I feel when I’m with you. Given how often I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain cause me to constantly experience feelings of self-loathing; Thus, I love that I can love myself through you, and I also love to hate you for my “need” to depend on you or anyone for anything.

I like to have someone to take the blame when I feel this “want”; Feeling contempt for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit, which is that I feel completely dependent on you to “feed” my sense of superiority and entitlement, to keep the illusion of power alive in my mind.

(Nothing makes me feel more fragile and weak than not being able to control something that would tarnish my image and superior position, like when you wonder “how” I treat you, as if you still don’t understand that making you accept yourself as the subject of my pleasure is happy no matter what. The way I treat you or my children – is a major proof of my superiority before the world. You are mine, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act cruelly towards you. Those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, like “closeness” and “emotional things (And by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do this to myself on the inside.)

It makes me feel happy (more proof of my superiority) because I can easily make you flustered, make you act “crazy” for not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things you don’t want from me. You’ll hate yourself later (because of your “niceness”!).

Everything you say, any pains or complaints you share, rest assured, I will make fun of you later, to make you constantly spinning, always trying to explain yourself, always doubting yourself and feeling confused, trying to figure out why. i don’t get it.