Narcissists attract you with their charm and flattery. Maybe you’re dating one. If so, you can overcome the narcissist.
But, what do you do now that you’re living with constant hurt, deprivation, confusion, and feeling worse about yourself than ever before? How do you overcome a narcissist and regain your self-esteem?
There’s a lot you don’t understand. Does the narcissist feel empathy? Do they know they are hurting you?
Related: 8 Ways To Protect Yourself From A Narcissist, Because They Are LETHAL
They don’t seem to feel guilty at all. Everything is always “your fault.” Worse still, you’ve probably bought into all the blame – hook, line, and sinker. Not you.
Every vulnerable person involved with a narcissist feels the same way. Sometimes gaslighting works.
To overcome a narcissist, you must understand them, how they hurt you, and how you can recover.
Why does a narcissist lack empathy?
Do you remember the legend of Narcissus, who fell in love with his reflection in a pond? Even the beautiful nymph Echo couldn’t lure him away. This is the real problem.
Narcissists want a mirror of how wonderful and lovable they are. Deviate from that (don’t just tell them), they will turn on you. Their self-esteem is more fragile than yours.
Hard to believe, isn’t it? but it’s true. The narcissist is so busy controlling any potential damage to his self-esteem that he can’t even see you.
So, if you don’t give them their way, agree with them, and especially, if you have any needs of your own, they will feel like they are on shaky ground. Weakness is not allowed for a narcissist. It makes them feel weak.
Therefore, they cannot put themselves in your shoes (that is empathy). They cannot let their guard down or open up to true intimacy. They cannot allow your feelings. It takes their power away.
#Do narcissists know they are hurting you?
No, they don’t. It doesn’t even enter their minds. And if you try to tell them how you feel, they will get defensive and make you feel wrong again.
They will “innocently” tell you: “I’m just trying to help you.”
Narcissists destroy your self-esteem, leaving you swimming in self-doubt. This is how they feel superior. Narcissists do this to build their very unstable confidence.
Therefore, narcissists can never be wrong. That’s why you bear the brunt of their criticism.
#Does the narcissist feel any guilt?
No matter how hard you try, you will never get an “I’m sorry” from a narcissist.
Narcissists cannot feel guilty. It is very fragile. There is a certain degree of sociopathy in narcissistic behavior. They ignore and use others to feel good about themselves.
It is common for a narcissistic person to derail, and become angry if they do not get what they want. They will become cold, blame you, insult you, and will never apologize.
It’s not their fault, it’s your fault. They will do anything to convince you that this is true.
Related: How To Parent Your Child When The Other Parent Is A Narcissist
Don’t fall into this trap. It will only hurt you more. Don’t get me wrong, though. I was hurt. It is important to grieve what you thought you had. It’s a loss.
However, it is also important to see what you don’t have. And you have to know that this is not your fault.
It’s not your fault but you feel like it is. This is the number one thing to wrap your head around if you love (or have loved) a narcissist.
The problem is that narcissists often manipulate in ways that you never felt secure about love or about how loved you were, especially if you had a difficult childhood.
Maybe you always felt like everyone you loved would leave you. Now, this seems like just a guide.
But the truth is that the narcissist does not have the emotional capacity for true love. You blame and criticize yourself for your reasons. Loving a narcissist is not good for you.
Losing that loving look you had in the beginning seems like the greatest loss imaginable. But it is not. The biggest loss is how bad you feel about yourself now.
Here are 3 ways a narcissist hurts your self-confidence so you can learn how to get over the narcissist.
1. You don’t feel loved.
Being with a narcissist raises old doubts about how loving you are.
If they leave you, you probably imagine that they are giving someone else what they promised you. These thoughts crush you.
It’s the kind of pain that comes from comparing yourself — not feeling good enough (most likely, even before the narcissist shows up).
You look back and review every detail of your romantic relationship, and all the good things that happened between you. Was I wrong about the love you were sure existed?
2. You doubt your perceptions.
A relationship with a narcissist has a highlighting element to it: a form of manipulation to make you feel bad and to control you. You doubt what you think and feel.
Did you make a mistake in what they said? Now, you don’t know anything for sure.
You think about one thing and then it changes. You are in a constant state of doubt, especially regarding your perceptions. You don’t trust at all what you feel or what you see.
What is reality? Was the entire relationship a complete lie? Who can you trust?
3. You are afraid to trust in love
The fear of trusting love again has the worst effect on your self-esteem. Especially if you blame yourself for the relationship not working out.
You may be sure they would have stayed if you had not been so needy – if you had not done this or that.
You’re sure you’ll never like this so much again. Or anyone else would be the same. You are stuck and in severe pain. I thought this was love. What are you doing now?
